Coronavirus/Quarantine AU
So, we’re all doing coronavirus/quarantine AUs now right? Welp. Here’s my brainchild virus AU headcanons with @team-mom-wannabe xD
- The Montacrew boys are def all going into quarantine together. It works out well because they’re already renting an apartment together, so nbd.
- Except That Mercutio goes stir crazy in like 3.5 minutes.
- Mercutio is that person who plans weird flash mobs to do from the balcony.
- Really inappropriate ones.
- He does them every night with increasingly lewd song.
- At some point he probably tries to do one where he ends up almost setting the house on fire.
- Probably because he does the one where people turn of their lights and point/wave around torches/lighters but with candles. (Because dramatic and he’s been listening to Phantom of the Opera again.)
- Mercutio decides it would be Safe and Appropriate to set fireworks off from the balcony.
- And he talks Romeo into thinking it’s a good idea while Benvolio is sleeping.
- Ben wakes up thinking a war has finally started.
- Because Ben is definitely anticipating the zombie apocalypse.
- Ben’s the only reason they have groceries for 2-3 weeks ahead.
- Mercutio’s idea of going grocery shopping is buying poptarts at the convenience store.
- Mercutio and Romeo are like, “Why do we need all of this RIGHT NOW?”
- And Ben is like, “we will never get this later. The stores are being cleared out.” The boys just kinda stare at him in shock and Ben is like, “What was the last time either of you was in a grocery store?”
- “…ah…”
- “Well. This explains a lot about our relationship.”
- Mercutio swears that if he gets coronavirus he will immediately find a way to break into the Capulet house so he can infect Tybalt.
- One day he gets like a headache and wakes up with an itchy throat and is like “whelp lads. Time for my final stand.”
- And then he’s actually kinda disappointment when its nothing because he had ~such a good plan~
- Ben is like This Close to murdering him.
- There is definitely violence in this house. Mostly pillow fights.
- Romeo makes cookies as stress relief and Mercutio eats half of them.
- “That’s MY stress relief.”
- Ben is a little put off because he’s the only one in that house who knows how to actually cook real food from scratch
- “if I get sick, we’re all gonna starve huh?”
- Merc and Romeo just look at each other and are like “yup, sorry.”
- (But Romeo secretly reads online about how to make soup and other such things in case someone DOES get sick…)
- Romeo falls for all the fake news about how nothing will open until July. Mostly on the days when Benvolio’s anxiety manages to rub off on him.
- He does ok most of the time because he and Mercutio are so on the same wavelength and Romeo lets Mercutio drag him into dealing with things with gallows humor.
- Whereas Ben is oversensitive to everything at that level of anxiety.
- Romeo loves the gallows humor and Ben goes into screaming lecture mode every time at this point.
- Sometimes Romeo has to take Ben for a time out and just like hold him and be like “you’re acting like you just met this guy. You know this is the ONLY way he copes.”
- Mercutio and Romeo usually only fight about external things - if they’re united in their concerns they mind-meld. Which drives Benvolio crazy because he doesn’t know how to degrade to the age of 5 like that anymore.
- But sometimes Ben riles Romeo up and then they gang up on Mercutio who spends like 2 hours sulking.
- They probably attempt board games marathons but they’re too competitive for that and end in screaming matches.
- Merc and Romeo are really intense about them. And then Merc and Ben play a shitton of video games.
- Mercutio keeps trying to make board games into drinking games.
- “If we spend the time drunk it will go faster.”
- At one-point, Mercutio suggests strip poker. But they don’t have poker cards and do strip uno.
- At the start of the whole thing Mercutio tries to set up a betting pool among all their friends/acquaintances about who will be the one/first to get the virus.
- At that point Ben still has the energy to be really annoyed by this.
- Romeo bets on Mercutio just to be a little shit.
- So, of course Mercutio bets on Romeo because “he probably got into the personal space of 10 diff girls in the past week.”
- (Secretly Romeo worries that if someone does get sick, with corona or otherwise, it will be Benvolio because he’s clearly lowering his immune system with all that worrying about everything.
- But the Montacrew have it better than the Capulet household. Their quarantine is a lot more depressing.
- A lot of screaming.
- Lady C makes those memes that are like “why are y'all hoarding toilet paper and not alcohol you know you’ll be quarantined with your kids right?”
- Tybalt has no outlet. He has nothing to do and no one to take his anger issues out on.
- The thought of this makes Mercutio gleeful across town.
- Tybalt probably DMs Mercutio like “are you infected yet?”
- They have a whole conversation that’s just passive aggressiveness because they’re too tired for quality insults.
- Not that they EVER have quality insults, but now it’s even worse.