Not a Pretty Girl
Ani DiFranco @ The Power Center
Originally uploaded by Airscale. so, what's been going on this evening so far=
--things seem just as sad (& sexless) as they did last night despite my efforts to re-snag / get 2 different attractive young men back under my roof... wtf am i doing wrong? (as if you'd be in a position to tell me!) i keep putting myself 'out there' and ultimately getting hurt/disappointed/rejected // dicked with by stupid boys disguised as grown-up men...
this blows.
--a solid hour and a half after dinner, i was lying down resting on my side (helloooo, i fail to sleep past 6a.m. these days sometimes, even when i've gone to bed well past midnight and have the morning all but free to sleep thru & nothing pressing / more urgent/important to do when i'm awake at dawn; what the F?!?!!) and suddenly, i burped up some acid refluxy stuff - ick; and when i got up and went to the washroom, i semi-involuntarily puked up a bit of my nasty, acidic chyme from dinner/dessert... blech and i really do NOT count this as a 'slip' in terms of recovering from my b/p ED behavior b/c it just wasn't fair! and i did NOT have an objective binge, even tho i drank a smoothie / other liquid along w/my dinner.
& now i feel caught between physically full & empty/hungry, GRRR. i've been so good lately! relatively speaking of course...
--i was reminded yet again that i am Not a Pretty Girl and i'm now trying to ever-so-slowly DL some ani difranco, dangit!
i may need to make herbal tea, pop in a DVD and pretend to be content with my solitary existence. fffffffffffffffuck that.
I am not a pretty girl
I don't want to be a pretty girl
no I want to be more than a pretty girl
EDIT: also, i have gotten like -no- fun/real/substantial emails today, which is odd & also irritating/vexing to me;
finally, i am heavier than i want to be (but what's new haha? ARGH)
x-posted to adults_with_eds