Merry Xmas!
2004 draws to a close and 2005 comes closer.
Yep, it was an ok year. I had some amazing adventures and met some fun people and I've certainly evolved a great deal over the past 12 months. Would I say I've matured? No, I haven't. Would I say I'm a better person today than I was December 24, 2003? Nope, cause I'm not. Am I in better shape? Not so. Hell, am I even better off internally? I assure you no.
But what am I?
I am thinking about my future for the first time in my life. And that is certainly a first. Even last year when I had to plan which University I should go to I hadn't yet shown any maturity. But now I am. I'm trying my best to take some iniative to reach up and grab that dream! That dream of making a film. Whether its a small scale story between two people or some insane epic with huge sequences, I want to be to doing that in the next 10 years! But I'm afraid I won't get it. It's fearful life is.
Oh well, come this time next year where will I be? I know where I'll be 365 days from now, ok, if you're going to be literal. I'll be at my parents house in Katmandu, Nepal (my first time in Asia! YAY!) preparing for my 20th Xmas and I'll be...20 years old? Shit! But either way, what I mean is where will I be school wise (will I still be at UFL- I doubt it, if I want film I have to go somewhere new, but I might?), emotionally (will I finally have reached a calm in my life after so many years of confusement?), romantically (will I have found anyone I can connect to who will actually let me hold them? or will I just find another woman who I pine after and leaves me a bitter man who occasionally has a dark outlook on what women are?) , who knows.
Either way, 2004 was a great year when I was with my friends. It just sucks that I still don't know anyone here really and that my only friend here in South Florida (perhaps Florida overall, I haven't met many people I like) is leaving the day before New Years and I know that I'm going to ring in 2005 without any buddies. Brining it in with family is nice but for once I would've preferred to start my New Year the way I wanted to. I'd rather not talk about how I entered this year cause that waws a night that pissed the fuck out of me! Word to the wise- make sure you have a friend in the US come next years New Year. Cause unless your over 21 you can't do jack.
Oh well, who knows where life will take me.
I just wish for once it would go my way and I could have a chance at happiness.
But then again....maybe I'm just impossible to please and a pain junkie?
On the bright side tomorrows it Chrismtas, theres no one around tempitng me to use mistletoe (and then hurt me by essentially telling me to 'fuck off, not interested...EVER') and on an even brighter note----
I see THE AVIATOR in two days!!!!!
Yep, it was an ok year. I had some amazing adventures and met some fun people and I've certainly evolved a great deal over the past 12 months. Would I say I've matured? No, I haven't. Would I say I'm a better person today than I was December 24, 2003? Nope, cause I'm not. Am I in better shape? Not so. Hell, am I even better off internally? I assure you no.
But what am I?
I am thinking about my future for the first time in my life. And that is certainly a first. Even last year when I had to plan which University I should go to I hadn't yet shown any maturity. But now I am. I'm trying my best to take some iniative to reach up and grab that dream! That dream of making a film. Whether its a small scale story between two people or some insane epic with huge sequences, I want to be to doing that in the next 10 years! But I'm afraid I won't get it. It's fearful life is.
Oh well, come this time next year where will I be? I know where I'll be 365 days from now, ok, if you're going to be literal. I'll be at my parents house in Katmandu, Nepal (my first time in Asia! YAY!) preparing for my 20th Xmas and I'll be...20 years old? Shit! But either way, what I mean is where will I be school wise (will I still be at UFL- I doubt it, if I want film I have to go somewhere new, but I might?), emotionally (will I finally have reached a calm in my life after so many years of confusement?), romantically (will I have found anyone I can connect to who will actually let me hold them? or will I just find another woman who I pine after and leaves me a bitter man who occasionally has a dark outlook on what women are?) , who knows.
Either way, 2004 was a great year when I was with my friends. It just sucks that I still don't know anyone here really and that my only friend here in South Florida (perhaps Florida overall, I haven't met many people I like) is leaving the day before New Years and I know that I'm going to ring in 2005 without any buddies. Brining it in with family is nice but for once I would've preferred to start my New Year the way I wanted to. I'd rather not talk about how I entered this year cause that waws a night that pissed the fuck out of me! Word to the wise- make sure you have a friend in the US come next years New Year. Cause unless your over 21 you can't do jack.
Oh well, who knows where life will take me.
I just wish for once it would go my way and I could have a chance at happiness.
But then again....maybe I'm just impossible to please and a pain junkie?
On the bright side tomorrows it Chrismtas, theres no one around tempitng me to use mistletoe (and then hurt me by essentially telling me to 'fuck off, not interested...EVER') and on an even brighter note----
I see THE AVIATOR in two days!!!!!