Tchkung! Tchkung! (the sound of my mind beating myself up)
i dont even want to think about last night
nothing like a combination of a malnourished body, an impending sickness, uncordinated music playing, me trying to sing, and being the only one on acid for what i guess is the first time (completely different then the other trip i had on it over the summer) to really bring a guy down
my friend who was gonna do it with me, faked taking it, and basicaly to be the only one tripping your brains out in a room full of drunk, high, extremely visualy, emotionaly, and all around ugly college students
2 gel tabs, arrrrrrrrrrrg, my mind was scambled, a complete sensory overload, i was horrible, i couldnt connect with the music, im an idiot
i get home, still hardcore out of my mind, i cant sleep, i call people for help, for a sane voice who could calm me down
1st call goes to my best friend, who honestly doesnt care, but pretends to very very well, if there was anyone i would have prefered to talk to first off, it would be this one, and they were preoccupied, promised to call me back, didnt, left me alone
2nd goes to a mind that doesnt need acid to trip and be out of it sometimes, they were asleep, their tired groggy voice didnt make sense to me, i couldnt understand how people could be sleeping at a time like this (1 30 in the morning), my friend told me i would be fine if i just stopped thinking and go to sleep, but i couldnt, so, i thank him for trying, but it wasnt enough,
i needed someone who could make the voices stop, i was sickened by music, i couldnt listen to it, but silence was far far worse, my walls were breathing ragged breaths, the sounds of the outside world became so warped i thought the cars passing by were explosions in the sky, everything was moving, nothing i saw was stable enough for me to hold on to, so i became just as unstable
i go back to my phone, look through all the names, i call this girl, Alita, she lives in New York City, we met over the summer at The Farm, she is a relative of one of the familes i know very well on the Farm, we had connected really well during our time in tennessee, and she came and visited SUNY New Paltz recently and we hung out, im so happy she answered the phone, she was the best person to talk to, cause she has done many many drugs as well and knows pretty well how to deal with them, just by talking to her for a few hours, she transformed me from an unstable frightened child to a calm ball of warmth and contentment, it was wonderous
im done with everything for a while, drugs i mean, my personality is such an addictive one, i really do attach myself to whatever feels good with a death grip
im really sick today, i deserve it, my body hates me, everyone should tell me what a fucking idiot i am
nothing like a combination of a malnourished body, an impending sickness, uncordinated music playing, me trying to sing, and being the only one on acid for what i guess is the first time (completely different then the other trip i had on it over the summer) to really bring a guy down
my friend who was gonna do it with me, faked taking it, and basicaly to be the only one tripping your brains out in a room full of drunk, high, extremely visualy, emotionaly, and all around ugly college students
2 gel tabs, arrrrrrrrrrrg, my mind was scambled, a complete sensory overload, i was horrible, i couldnt connect with the music, im an idiot
i get home, still hardcore out of my mind, i cant sleep, i call people for help, for a sane voice who could calm me down
1st call goes to my best friend, who honestly doesnt care, but pretends to very very well, if there was anyone i would have prefered to talk to first off, it would be this one, and they were preoccupied, promised to call me back, didnt, left me alone
2nd goes to a mind that doesnt need acid to trip and be out of it sometimes, they were asleep, their tired groggy voice didnt make sense to me, i couldnt understand how people could be sleeping at a time like this (1 30 in the morning), my friend told me i would be fine if i just stopped thinking and go to sleep, but i couldnt, so, i thank him for trying, but it wasnt enough,
i needed someone who could make the voices stop, i was sickened by music, i couldnt listen to it, but silence was far far worse, my walls were breathing ragged breaths, the sounds of the outside world became so warped i thought the cars passing by were explosions in the sky, everything was moving, nothing i saw was stable enough for me to hold on to, so i became just as unstable
i go back to my phone, look through all the names, i call this girl, Alita, she lives in New York City, we met over the summer at The Farm, she is a relative of one of the familes i know very well on the Farm, we had connected really well during our time in tennessee, and she came and visited SUNY New Paltz recently and we hung out, im so happy she answered the phone, she was the best person to talk to, cause she has done many many drugs as well and knows pretty well how to deal with them, just by talking to her for a few hours, she transformed me from an unstable frightened child to a calm ball of warmth and contentment, it was wonderous
im done with everything for a while, drugs i mean, my personality is such an addictive one, i really do attach myself to whatever feels good with a death grip
im really sick today, i deserve it, my body hates me, everyone should tell me what a fucking idiot i am