Ponderings Of The Conscience
I've got nothing better to do so why not emphasize my loneliness and post another critique of human nature? I always have so much to say about our faults.
I'm so sick of all this impersonal communication. I just want to have a face-to-face conversation with someone! I want to discuss something meaningful in person with another human! It seems that nobody has the guts to say what they want to say anymore, but as soon as they get behind an electronic screen, may it be a cell phone or a computer or what not, they suddenly have the gusto to unleash their inner most thoughts. Hypocritical as it may seem as I type away at my computer, I'm so incredibly fed-up with electronic communication. I want to go on a walk with someone and have a real conversation.
To hear a voice can change so much. To look into someone's eyes. To feel the presence of another human beside you. It's real. Maybe that's why we avoid it. As long as we don't have to face the true emotion in someone's eyes, the faltering of their voice, then we can disregard the weight of what they say. It doesn't resonate within us as strongly. But then we are deprived of true emotion. We become as electronic as the devices that we disguise ourselves with. I want to feel that emotion! I've been without that connection with someone for so long. What I want more than anything is to just lie in the grass and talk. Just lie there and talk until the sun sets behind our portion of the Earth and the stars sparkle down on us. I just want to leave all of this modern technology behind and understand the true nature of a person's soul.
I'm obsessed with this romantic notion of frolicking across the English countryside in the spring, or through the New England wilderness in the white-blanketed winter, or wandering about the fiery leaves of an Ohio fall forest. I dream of sitting lazily in a rowboat on beautiful blue lakes, the sun streaming down on the glittering ripples of water. And just talking. For hours, just exploring the human nature of thought.
And then reality come flooding back, and I'm forced to accept the fact that I will never live like a transcendentalist, like a March girl in Little Women.
Everyone else seems to be obsessed with superficial belongings and gossiped-about happenings. It's a rare occasion to find someone who will forget the worldly drama and simply take stroll through the foliage and relate to another person on a deeper level. Rare and precious.
I search for a discussion with some significance. Away from the gossip-mongers and political machines, who else is there left? I'm becoming more and more interested in Eastern religion, but I have no one to share it with. No outlet for my ponderings. There's so little respect or knowledge of other cultures around here. I make an effort to stop myself from talking about different religious views, different philosophies, because they are always responded to with such ignorance. I don't have the energy to combat the evils of oblivion. Even worse is oblivion paired with the self-assured thought of infallibility.
I've run out of steam.