i should be sleeping
.... getting up for catholic league in 3 hours.
right on.
so this whole situation.. this place im at right now...
its weird
i feel like i should feel more about it.
like i shouldnt be as ok as i am.
i guess i just realize that if he loved me like i did him-he couldnt be without me.
and apparently, being without me isnt a problem...
so im done.
i put myself last a lot. especially with the men i fall for.
no more of that i think
i think the next guy i date will be better for me then i am for him...
or maybe for once we'll be equals.
id like to not have to work for love.
it just doesnt seem fair that you should have to. it should just happen.
i know theres compromise and all that stuff... believe me i know about compromise.
but the important stuff. the gushy love stuff... that should never be work.
ive promised myself that in my next relationship-the second loving him becomes work, im done.
the shitty thing is... loving him wasnt ever hard for me...
i just knew a long time ago his eyes were saying something different to me.
so next time--if i dont see it in his eyes--im done.
i want more out of life. i was willing to wait until the end of the world, but was told i wasnt allowed to.
so i wont.
i cant.
it hurts to much to hold on to. to wait for.
im rediscovering things i forgot existed.
friendships that i never thought i'd have again.
the pain is almost worth the support i have gotten.
the betrayal kills though.
betrayal is the hardest part to get over.
but i have these people, these people who have saved me yet again.
and i am grateful.
and flattered.
even if i cant find prince charming,.. at least i've got someone to talk to at 4am.
right on.
so this whole situation.. this place im at right now...
its weird
i feel like i should feel more about it.
like i shouldnt be as ok as i am.
i guess i just realize that if he loved me like i did him-he couldnt be without me.
and apparently, being without me isnt a problem...
so im done.
i put myself last a lot. especially with the men i fall for.
no more of that i think
i think the next guy i date will be better for me then i am for him...
or maybe for once we'll be equals.
id like to not have to work for love.
it just doesnt seem fair that you should have to. it should just happen.
i know theres compromise and all that stuff... believe me i know about compromise.
but the important stuff. the gushy love stuff... that should never be work.
ive promised myself that in my next relationship-the second loving him becomes work, im done.
the shitty thing is... loving him wasnt ever hard for me...
i just knew a long time ago his eyes were saying something different to me.
so next time--if i dont see it in his eyes--im done.
i want more out of life. i was willing to wait until the end of the world, but was told i wasnt allowed to.
so i wont.
i cant.
it hurts to much to hold on to. to wait for.
im rediscovering things i forgot existed.
friendships that i never thought i'd have again.
the pain is almost worth the support i have gotten.
the betrayal kills though.
betrayal is the hardest part to get over.
but i have these people, these people who have saved me yet again.
and i am grateful.
and flattered.
even if i cant find prince charming,.. at least i've got someone to talk to at 4am.