tuesday are lame

Feb 10, 2004 23:12

so i feel guilty for tryinh it- i said it in lunch and i felt my frineds were looking down on me and judging me- im not sure if thats just how i took it...but still...i dnt do it and i dnt plan on it but i had to try it- i guess i could have waited longer to try it but i didnt bc i needed a taste... i mean i hated it...i neede to try it so that i wou;ldnt be tempted to do it- i was in a safe enovrionmetn and i have only done it once- that one time- so i still fel guilty but i dnt think i should- or should i? in jsa i won the election! i finally ahve won an election- secretary! scinece test went super well...which makes me feel stupid after the whole scandal i pulled of...lunch- other than my guiltiness and self confusion and questioning....i brought cookies for my tabel as a good luck thuing for thier soccer game- which tehy lost :( i ate liek 4 of those and then i had liek 5 cookies in jsa! im such a fat ass- yesterday i wrote down i was gonan eat healtheir- fucked that up today, i mena i guess i set unrealistic goals but it shouldnt be that unrealistic to eat helathier- i mena one cokies would have been fine but i had liekfucking 10! so tom..i try agina! i aslo didnt go to gym bc i was to sore- :( i have to get back on track and on a cschedule but that starts tom too- and i bit my nails all day bc im so worried about everything- nothing major jsut a thousand little things! math! i hate cohen somtimes! i hate him! so on antoher note i have got to get organized. i knt belive i like him- i dont know what it is, well i do. hes funny, cute, smart but pretneds to be stupid, nice, tall, my opssote, and unattainable more but....why do i always set myslef up to be hurt- i knt have him so why do i let my heart fall for him- i got to figure out why i do this! ahh! how do i expect toehr to get me- if i dnt get myslef- i knt even explain myself properly. blood drive! thursday! i have got to get papers permission things signed! one tree hill was tonight- oh so good! im so worried- i mena evveythign is messed up! tlaked to my borther agian tongiht he sent me a copupl esongs and last oc epsidoe so i wathced agian tonight! i can twait unitl tom! still have to do camps shit! I iidnt type the explorers chart adn know im fucking worried about it but i shouldnt be bc its emanignless and th eocntent is good- but i am - bc i cant seem to cottorl my thoughts...didt wake up early today liek i had palnned to since i went to sleep early so i didnt do a bunch of w and now im super behind. i put mylsef into stressful situatiuons- why? i mean i dnt just get stressed, i get emotional, sad, and physcally sick! gpaws- have to tlk to mrs. toldeo tom
i kinda like him- hes so funny and nice and smart hes also comp out of reach but evryoen is- haha. i also kinda liek his friend- so agian why do i put myself in the same stiautations- i mean is it self defnefes to get hurt before anythign starts!? i really use the term like alot and loosley- sometiems it cna be replaced with attracted or like like. lol-my back and shoulders hurt- i love the oc and the cast- ben and adam! ohhh soo good! i have got to paactice guitar as part of my pact! im alos clenaing the room this weekend! shes pissing em off a little- i shouldnt have todl ehr- shesmore into it then i am! lol
well i ahve shit load of crap to do so im out like a munchkin in a slam dunk contest!

bruised and broken but still breahting,
me
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