(no subject)
So I turn 24 this coming Wednesday and this is what I have planned:
1. recover from hangover and/or night out at 9:30 gettin' down to some De La Soul
2. job interview
3. very low-key, non-fancy, not-even-really-special dinner at an Indian restaurant.
I just can't think of somewhere better to eat. I really like indian food, afterall. Should I opt for something nicer, more fancy, perhaps a more birthday-deserving restaurant, or at least a place where I can't afford to eat there without the monetary assistance of my parents?
And who schedules a job interview on their birthday? When I said, "Wednesday works for me. I'm off. It's my birthday," the lady on the other end of the phone nearly shreiked, "ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO COME IN ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?!?!?!?????????!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?" So I told her, yeah, it's no big deal. In my head I wished - like a 5 year old - that maybe I would get the job because the interview is on my birthday, and for my birthday I want a job more than anything else. Even more than an iPod. An iPod is just a nice distraction along the way.
What is funny is that one person knows I have this interview: my friend Laura. I've told not my parents, nor my friends, nor my brother who overheard part of the conversation and inquired about it a few days later. I do believe the reason why I haven't told anyone about this is that the interview will not take place on the island of Manhattan, nor one of the five burroughs. The interview is a short jump down Wisconsin Avenue.
I'm a little baffled that I haven't told anyone. A lot rides on this, mostly a potential non-move to New York. But at this point I'm so tired of talking about it. I'm tired of talking about what's next (unless it's with people who are just as confused as I am and in the exact same boat), I'm tired of enthusiastically calling my parents and telling everyone that I have an amazing interview at this and that huge national theatre (which then requires just as many follow-up calls that say, I've heard nothing, to all those people), I'm tired of calling people to make calls for me and enthusiastically telling people that calls have been made and checking my email day after day after day, and voicemails all the time only to find nothing. In short, I hate being this age. And I hate that I'm turning 24. Maybe if I just shut up it will happen.
No more IMs, no more livejournals, no more phone calls, no more anticipation. My anticipation and my subsequent let down is enough. I'd give up entirely if I didn't want a job more than anything. Just some sense of security.
For the first time in ages I don't see this birthday as a thing to celebrate. I'm not excited about being 24. There is no theme party.
I told my parents at the table when we discussed the upcoming fiesta, There will be no decorations! No streamers, no balloons, nothing! I don't want a cake! When I said I didn't want a cake my mom cut of my rant. "That's ridiculous Alli, it's your birthday, there will be a cake."
"But I don't even like cake," I told her. "I don't want this to be a big deal and-"
"I'm going to interrupt you for a second," she said. "I understand what you're saying, but this is a special occassion, and sometimes it's ok to celebrate that. It's worth it. You're worth it."
I paused. I said, OK fine, I'll have a cake, but only if Uncle Mike [subject of nasty divorce that has been ongoing for years] cooks it. So that's that. I get a cheesecake courtesy of my father-like figure who's going through the worst divorce I've ever heard of in my entire life - one that has ripped apart my family friends and my life as I knew it until I was 22 - the year I graduated from college.
Truth be told, I'm tired. I'm tired of the phone calls, I'm tired of packing boxes, I'm tired of sending and re-sending what I think is an amazing resume out to various places around the country, I'm tired of telling boys I think they are cool and I like them, I'm tired of putting it all out there and not getting much in return.
The good thing about being here is I have good food and awesome friends. That's why I'm having a BBQ, because I get to be in the presense of all that, and while I wait for someone, something, to call me back, that's where I want to be more than anything.
At least I deserve that.
1. recover from hangover and/or night out at 9:30 gettin' down to some De La Soul
2. job interview
3. very low-key, non-fancy, not-even-really-special dinner at an Indian restaurant.
I just can't think of somewhere better to eat. I really like indian food, afterall. Should I opt for something nicer, more fancy, perhaps a more birthday-deserving restaurant, or at least a place where I can't afford to eat there without the monetary assistance of my parents?
And who schedules a job interview on their birthday? When I said, "Wednesday works for me. I'm off. It's my birthday," the lady on the other end of the phone nearly shreiked, "ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO COME IN ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?!?!?!?????????!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?" So I told her, yeah, it's no big deal. In my head I wished - like a 5 year old - that maybe I would get the job because the interview is on my birthday, and for my birthday I want a job more than anything else. Even more than an iPod. An iPod is just a nice distraction along the way.
What is funny is that one person knows I have this interview: my friend Laura. I've told not my parents, nor my friends, nor my brother who overheard part of the conversation and inquired about it a few days later. I do believe the reason why I haven't told anyone about this is that the interview will not take place on the island of Manhattan, nor one of the five burroughs. The interview is a short jump down Wisconsin Avenue.
I'm a little baffled that I haven't told anyone. A lot rides on this, mostly a potential non-move to New York. But at this point I'm so tired of talking about it. I'm tired of talking about what's next (unless it's with people who are just as confused as I am and in the exact same boat), I'm tired of enthusiastically calling my parents and telling everyone that I have an amazing interview at this and that huge national theatre (which then requires just as many follow-up calls that say, I've heard nothing, to all those people), I'm tired of calling people to make calls for me and enthusiastically telling people that calls have been made and checking my email day after day after day, and voicemails all the time only to find nothing. In short, I hate being this age. And I hate that I'm turning 24. Maybe if I just shut up it will happen.
No more IMs, no more livejournals, no more phone calls, no more anticipation. My anticipation and my subsequent let down is enough. I'd give up entirely if I didn't want a job more than anything. Just some sense of security.
For the first time in ages I don't see this birthday as a thing to celebrate. I'm not excited about being 24. There is no theme party.
I told my parents at the table when we discussed the upcoming fiesta, There will be no decorations! No streamers, no balloons, nothing! I don't want a cake! When I said I didn't want a cake my mom cut of my rant. "That's ridiculous Alli, it's your birthday, there will be a cake."
"But I don't even like cake," I told her. "I don't want this to be a big deal and-"
"I'm going to interrupt you for a second," she said. "I understand what you're saying, but this is a special occassion, and sometimes it's ok to celebrate that. It's worth it. You're worth it."
I paused. I said, OK fine, I'll have a cake, but only if Uncle Mike [subject of nasty divorce that has been ongoing for years] cooks it. So that's that. I get a cheesecake courtesy of my father-like figure who's going through the worst divorce I've ever heard of in my entire life - one that has ripped apart my family friends and my life as I knew it until I was 22 - the year I graduated from college.
Truth be told, I'm tired. I'm tired of the phone calls, I'm tired of packing boxes, I'm tired of sending and re-sending what I think is an amazing resume out to various places around the country, I'm tired of telling boys I think they are cool and I like them, I'm tired of putting it all out there and not getting much in return.
The good thing about being here is I have good food and awesome friends. That's why I'm having a BBQ, because I get to be in the presense of all that, and while I wait for someone, something, to call me back, that's where I want to be more than anything.
At least I deserve that.