My appologies

[allcutupx]

I'd just like to make a very public entry, to Lindsey(hope I spelled it right). I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that things were miscommunicated between us, and that there was a mix up in names. I at no point in time meant to harm or offend you, and knowing that I did makes me very unhappy with myself. It's not very often that two people having the same name are dating and engaged, and I'm sorry that you had to be the one to read that and think that it was you. I completly understand, however, why you would think that. I would have done the same thing. And I don't really know what else to say to you, because you are probably going to hate me forever, even though you're also going to have to deal with me, because I am friends with Adam...and I will promise you this, if I decide to mention any Adam's in any furhter joural entries, I will be certain to specify which one I am talking about so as not to cause any more confusion, as long as you'll promise to not hate me forever, and to give me another chance to maybe get to know you or somethign, once you do that, you can judge me in whatever way you want, but please don't judge me and my personalitly on a few journal entries that you read. Also most of these journal entries are written at very bad points in my life, and are my attempt at staying sane and keeping myself alive, they seem to help release the pain in some way. I used to cut, still do and I'm trying to stop, this almost begins to help...your Adam...if he would go away, I truly don't know what I would do, just becuase of how much he makes me laugh, and how many good things he makes me think about...you know what I mean..that one friend that's just always there...even when everybody goes away. Okay, now that I have wasted a ton of your time, I'm just going to say I'm sorry one more time and hope for the best, and if the worst happens, then I suppose that's the way it was meant to be....thank you...I hope you'll give me the chance to prove my true self to you...

In other news...
Jiggles is going to bring me a CD to work tomorrow I do believe...I hope...so that I can burn it...I'm not sure right yet. Tonight, well didn't do very much of anything...talked to Alyce, cried a lot! She's coming home tomorrow, and I'm not allowed to see her. She's not allowed to even leave her house. And the place said that I'm not allowed to go there eitehr :'( How muchdoes that bite? But I guess that's so that she learns to become unattched again, I'd give anything ot trade places with her, she seems to be dying more and more each day, it makes me want to die...I would rather die for her than to see her die so slowly and painfully, I know what it feels like to be unattched to anybody, God I lived like that my entire life, never knowing what love felt like...never hearing "I love you" none of that, constantly being told that I was dumb and stupid...I know...I've been there, i'm used to it, but she...she's not...she's never had to experience that before..and it's my fault that she's there, because she tried to save my one relationship...that got screwed up anyways...I'm sorry that I did that to you Alyce...I never meant to hurt you...With that...and my blood stained wrists...I am leaving