changed my mind yet again
so i know i said that i was never going to post in here again and that i was done for good, but as usual i have changed my mind. i've had some pretty shitty days here in the past few weeks, and i'm not really sure why but the meds that my doctor gave to me are not working and it makes me really really mad. mainly because i should be happy and i'm not and there's no reason for me to be sad or just generally pissed off.....oh oh oh...question for everybody...am i condesending? my boss said as part of my review that i am condesending and i'm not sure if i really am or not so your imput on this would be greatly appreciated. okay so now back to me rambling abount incoherant things...about the whole meds deal i definitely started cutting again at camp which really makes me mad cuz i should be very very happy right now there's nobody from my family around so there's nothing that should be wrong with me and that pisses me off really bad. and i don't like be unhappy again especially when i was doing so well for a really long time i found this cool little thing in the craft room that we like to call an exacto knife and i "accidently" cut my arm with it and then it just sort of went down hill from there. and now it's like another addiction that i can't stop. it's not that i don't want to stop, because this time i do because i feel really really weak by doing this again especially since i had been doing really really well and now it sux because i can't stop. i've tried really hard and i thought it would be easier with all these little kids around but actually it's harder with all these little kids around becuase they make me mad really mad and then i just go away and do it and i carry it with me all the time in my bag and then i just pull it out and do it and then i just go away and that really sux. so i don't know what's going on with that right now but i wish i could find out very soon. so maybe i will actually go to the doctor and find out what is going on...okay so right now i suppose i will stop rambling and go because the girls here want me to get moving along they think that i am writing a whole life story which i suppose i am but it's okay sorry guys for making you listen to my constant rambling but at least now i feel better and that's all that matter's to me right now and i'm going to go and get some sleep and see what's comes of that even though i'm not reall tired and then maybe i will go and do my school work i have a few papers to write so i guess i should go and do that....later all