as usual a pointless rambling update
so it's been quite awhile since i've last updated, i guess things have been going pretty well lately, been doing a lot of stuff...got accepted to Mansfield University!!!! YAY!! I'm pretty excited about that. SO I haven't been on for a long time because I went on vacation. My family and I went to Disney World, so I was in Florida for a good week and a half, got a nice tan...i have lines even..haha. SO I've been like different lately...like i don't know if it's a bad different or a good different, i know some of it's a bad different though. I've been getting very jealous of people for no real reason like i know that we all have more than one friend, but i have maybe one that is actually a close friend who knows all the stuff i've been through whom i actually trust and i don't know, i guess i just want her to be there and to know every time that i need her without me actually telling her. i just want her to be able to jump every time i need something even though i know that she can't do that, she has to live her life as well and i can't be her center of attention, i know this and i accept htis, so i don't understand why i get like that, and i get all pissed off and stuff and we end up fighting and then i feel retarded and i just, i don't know. i odn't know if my medicine is helping at all or not, i don't really feel any different at all...so i'm not sure, does anybdoy take zolof for depression? has it helped you at all? how long does it take? i don't know...okay and anybody in here maybe a recovering self harmer? like can you ever fully recover? is there ever a day where you don't feel like you want to cut yourself or a day that you don't want to die...is there ever a day that you don't have that urge? I just want to live like a normal kid to be happy, truly happy, with no medications and no faking and no lying just be truly honestly happy and i dont' want to fake it anymore...is that even possible when you've hit rock bottom, is it possible to recover when you've tried so hard for so long and keep hitting the bottom time and time agian? i mean, i've been so far down, and they say once you've hit the bottom the only way to go is up, but is it possible to just keep going down? because that's the way i feel like i'm going that i'm just going down time and tiem again, like i work so hard and don't get anywhere, is there something wrong with me? i don't know even what i'm typing anymore...but if anybdoy can offer any insight into this it would be awesome...thanks...