broken
so we broke up, which is what the whole, "i need to spend time with my friends" deal was leading up to, and i was ready for it, i think, and i said that i was okay with it, and i think that in actuality, i am, but i just don't know how to get over it. how do i live my life not needing him, not wanting to be with him, not wanting to just call him up and be like, hi hunnie, just called to say i love you...i miss him, a lot, and as much as i don't want to miss him, i do,a nd the more i try not to, the more i miss him and the more i want to be with him and the more not okay i am with this breakup...things were going really well for a long time and then all of the sudden everything went down hill, i don't where things went wrong or why or how or anythign, i'm just really confused and he said that he still wants to be with me, but he can't because of something i did...and hte only reason i did it was because i thought he didn't care and that i thought if i did that, then maybe he owuld care again, but i guess i was wrong and i just fucked things up even worse, b/c now he said he can never trust me again and that hurts a lot, but he still wants to be friends, how can i be friends with one and only person i ever truly loved, you konw that saying...if you love someone you have to let them go and if they truly love you then they'll come back...what are the chance of him coming back? or of the chances that i'll still be here when he gets back....i mean, i don't know...i need to try to move on, but i still love him so much...he asked me ot marry him...we had it all planned out, and now.....nothign, and he already has another g/f...i feel like shit right now...not ot metion that i'm scared shitless about not getting accepted into school...but whatever...i'm going to go and slice myself up now...even though i havnen't done it for almost 4 months...sicne i've been with him...but now i need to if he doesn't care, then why should i?