for better or for worst
this entry will be long for all of you that get bored easily.... you can stop reading now.. well this weekend has been bad, i havent really talked to anyone for a while and when i say talk i mean engage in a conversation, the reason of this i do not know. i was constantly listing the good and bad things in my life at the moment and i wanted to put the list on here so here is goes, if i forget anything i will be sure to add as hours or days go by....
For Better
For Worst
There is a lot more but i really couldnt think of any.... i am kinda speechless yet i try to convey a message, it is truely hurtful. Today has been one of the worst days ever for me, a lot of stuff just went on that just upset me in many ways.... tam wrote about how she could not depend on me and then aj said he didnt want me to say i love you on the phone because it makes him feel weird... today was the first time i said that and i wasnt really intending to do it again, i just felt that that event called for me to say it, i would expect to say something if i would have said it various times, but i didnt just once, and he told me that i shouldnt, and i wont.... sorry for making him weirded out... jee...
Conversation with my dad and sister today when we were at the store.
Dad: Victoria!!!
Me:... silent....
Monica:What is wrong! You dont talk, what is up with you, you better snap out of it!
Dad: I want Vicky back!
ME: ....silence....
Monica: Yea i know, serious
Me: ... silence....
**I didnt even have enough energy to say anything in retaliation and i just sat there and thought somemore... jee... why does everything have to happen all in one day... so great.... i love it.....
my mom tried to make me feel better by sending me the cat that sings i love you, and this only made me said becasue the person who sent this to me was aj so i felt the opposite of what she intended.....
my dad took me to the beach and we talked, i didnt say a word, just sat there and listened, and thought, and thought, and thought, why cant things be great for me and why isnt it easy... jee... i didnt want to talk to him, nothing personal i said to him "but i dont feel liek talking" we went home and that was it.... i havent talked to anybody... i wish i had someone i could call up and talk to... but i dont... i guess it is my fault though right....
For Better
- I am single
- I am healthy
- I have a good supportive family
- It is summer
- I'm easily entertained
- Music in my life
- AOL
- I have movies to watch
- My car is going to be done by my birthday
For Worst
- I am single
- I am single and empty
- Friends I have think I am not there for them
- Nobody really understands what is going on with me
- I am getting fat
- I really dont want to talk to anybody.
- I dont feel like "me"
- Seeing everyone else being happy
- The fact that my ex wants to be my friend, and will try to fit me into the schedule of his bday plans when I was planning something special
- Speech is no longer in my life, so I am really bored and I feel empty in that way.
- I am broke
- I am trying to find a job
- Trying to live my life the to the fullest when i feel so empty
- Josh is leaving and so is Tam...
- aj doesnt want me to say i love you to him.... on the phone
There is a lot more but i really couldnt think of any.... i am kinda speechless yet i try to convey a message, it is truely hurtful. Today has been one of the worst days ever for me, a lot of stuff just went on that just upset me in many ways.... tam wrote about how she could not depend on me and then aj said he didnt want me to say i love you on the phone because it makes him feel weird... today was the first time i said that and i wasnt really intending to do it again, i just felt that that event called for me to say it, i would expect to say something if i would have said it various times, but i didnt just once, and he told me that i shouldnt, and i wont.... sorry for making him weirded out... jee...
Conversation with my dad and sister today when we were at the store.
Dad: Victoria!!!
Me:... silent....
Monica:What is wrong! You dont talk, what is up with you, you better snap out of it!
Dad: I want Vicky back!
ME: ....silence....
Monica: Yea i know, serious
Me: ... silence....
**I didnt even have enough energy to say anything in retaliation and i just sat there and thought somemore... jee... why does everything have to happen all in one day... so great.... i love it.....
my mom tried to make me feel better by sending me the cat that sings i love you, and this only made me said becasue the person who sent this to me was aj so i felt the opposite of what she intended.....
my dad took me to the beach and we talked, i didnt say a word, just sat there and listened, and thought, and thought, and thought, why cant things be great for me and why isnt it easy... jee... i didnt want to talk to him, nothing personal i said to him "but i dont feel liek talking" we went home and that was it.... i havent talked to anybody... i wish i had someone i could call up and talk to... but i dont... i guess it is my fault though right....