I'm Done with people.
So. People fucking suck. I’m so fucking over the personal relationships. I’m done trying. I’m done wishing that I could be better for people. I’m done wishing people would be better for me. There is no fucking point in developing a relationship with someone when either A) You’ll stop talking anyways. B) They will hurt you. C) You will hurt them. Or D) All of the a-fucking-bove.
Today officially can suck a fat juicy throbbing vein covered cock. I started my day worrying about my piano test. I was on my way to school when for the first time in my life, I got pulled over speeding unintentionally. I have been pulled over for speeding before, but I could at least giggle at the fact that I got caught or something to that effect, where I was aware of myself doing something stupid. No. Today I got to get pissed at myself because I am such a stupid fat kid with such a small attention span that I was more concerned with catching up to the trucks in front of me and eating my fucking pop-tart to even fucking notice that I was A)Speeding, and B) Passing a hi-po. So now I have an amazing $82 ticket to pay when I already can’t afford life as it is, and a beautiful pink slip to further prove my stupidity. Next my day gets better. I get a text from Maxx. A.K.A crazy cunt face. I love her to death, but oh my fucking dear fucking lord. I wish…… Something……………….. I just wish something…………………………….. Here is how the convo goes. Keep in mind you don’t know much of the back story or much about the past things she has freaked out about but Idc, if you are somewhat smart you should be able to piece it to-fucking-gether.
Her: I’m glad that we were friends.
Me: Were? And why? You never seemed to enjoy a moment of it.
Her: Why cause I don’t feel like your friend. And who is putting words in Who’s mouth now.
Me: Why do you not feel like my friend? Cause Im finally calling you out on things I just cant deal with anymore because when I bring it up nicely you try to turn it around or make excuses? Or because Money and I didn’t swing by Denver really quick just to visit after the rave or pick you up for two nights for the rave? What am I doing wrong now? You are so quick to call Money and I out on everything , so whats wrong with me doing it? And even when you were here I told you how I felt about Monkey being the only reason you visited and you turned it around to make it seem like I was a duche because it made you feel bad that I said that. Maybe I should just accept that nothing will change and we can just leave things how they are and decide to try and just remember the good times that we did have. I just don’t understand what changed. When I first met you, you were so down to earth and selfless and amazing and adventurous and chill and laid back and pretty much the women of my dreams. What happned? And what words exactly am I putting in your mouth?
Her: Everything you said yesterday was bull Shit! And idk what is making you freak out. But I don’t feel like either you or Monkey’s friend. So sorry to waste a year of your life by talking to me. I’ll leave it at that.
Me: Why do you not feel like our friends? That doesn’t even make sense. And how is it bullshit if that’s how I feel?
Her: Yeah but what brought it up huh? Because neither of you actually try so maybe if I piss you off that much and I don’t feel like anyone got my back it’s a waste of our time mostly yours asapently”
Me: I got a text saying “…Okay. How hard did you roll?” and assumed that you ment, like you had done so many times before, that I only said that cause I was rolling. And I have had your back so many times before even when I felt lied to and like you were keeping things from me and unappreciated. I love you to death! I just don’t understand how pissing us off is supposed to make us have your back. Isnt the fact that we are trying to be your friend still after everything and through all the fights and through all the times of you trying to make us mad and through all of your quirks and your hard times that we could be there for you for and even through you leaving proof that we want you in our lives?!
Her: Trying? How and I try to make you mad that’s bs right there. If you guys really wanted me to go you could have easy got me to in youknow that that’s why you asked me again I agreed and you bailed lol so I’m a bad friend I’m lying to you okay. Your right okay yovwin you don’t neede a piece of Shit like me for a friend. And I don’t need ppl that don’t try to actually be my friend when I’m not around. That’s why its bs the crap you were sayin I always have your back when your not there or not but I doo.t see it from either one of you
Me: Ok. First of all, quit being so defensive and try to see my fucking point. We have been by you through a lot. What have we not been by you through? Sorry for needing a break from you freaking out constantly about everything. I guess we are just really bad friends. And we did want you to go! We asked you to. You couldn’t make it to Casper because of your car and we couldn’t afford to go all the way to Denver to pick you up. What did you want us to do? We can never seem to live up to your standards. If we are such shit friends why did you ever fucking bother?
Her: Yeah the car thing was after you asked me to go I said I would the next day you said to wait. That was the end of it it were the other way around I would hagve tried whatever to get either of you to go. Neither of you tell me lol or and I doo.t tell you cause neither of you act like you give a Shit when you went to salt lake the last time or anything in between. It sounds like a reall friendship.
Her again: And just so you know I see your point that’s why we don’t make good friends when where not around each other. We both have bad flaws and i’m not waying anything apparently I have more which is probably true but you also don’t know me cause we don’t talk. Sorry for wasting your time and trying to be friends that turned bad. Hope goes well with you peace
Me: Well you never game me a fucking answer on if you were coming or not so I assumed you didn’t want to go so I didn’t bother begging and pleading for something when your likely to just freak the fuck out and ruin it anyways because you cant seem to not bring shit up from the past all the fucking time. And you said that you couldn’t go and not to worry about it because your car wasn’t working so what the fuck did you want me to do?! Honestly! And with the Salt Lake trip the first time we didn’t decide to go until like 9 at night and you had stopped texting us both so we assumed you when to bed and the next morning we left at like 6 in the morning. What the fuck did you want us to fucking do? Do you not think that sounds over dramatic or controlling or fucking psycho at fucking all? Maybe I could understand if you were dating one of us but you fucking weren’t! Therefore we are not obligated to tell you fucking every tiny decision we make. Sorry. And you want to bring up the past and talk about not being invited. Lets bring up the fucking Denver trip. Monkey was invited. 5 was invited. Was I? Did you even think of me? Probably fucking not. I wasn’t even though of by you or Monkey until Monkey saw me crying and not wanting to come over because I felt left out. Did I whine and bitch about it for a year? No. I got the fuck over it like a sane grown up. Lets talk about a personal conversation I had with you about Niff and how I liked him. Several times you two would go hang out. Was I EVER invited? Even once? Was I ever thought of? I told you that I had never been mudding and Nick or what ever his fucking face and you were going. Was I ever invited or thought of? How many times have you left me behind with no reason? How many times did I cry alone in your apartment when you were too busy smoking pot or drinking or fucking one of the guys you had over to even fucking notice? You couldn’t even try to be civil when I had someone I cared about at the time hang out so you could meet him because God for fucking bid I invite someone over. At least people I hang out with don’t shoot up or steal shit from their friends or rip people off. Fuck you if you are going to tell me I am a bad friend with never considering the things you have done to hurt me and Monkey. If you truly are that much of a close minded insecure self centered dramatic psycho crazy cunt then I guess I was wrong about you in the first place and the person that I do love and want to hang out with and have adventures with, the person that I though I could talk to and relate to and have fun with doesn’t fucking exist so delete my fucking number, my facebook, my myspace, and any other contact you have with me because Im fucking done.
Her: Yeah I’m a phyco cunt bitch that’s me I fuck everyone over and im contorlig. Yes your right. So treat me like Jessica and talk shit and never talk to me again if you have the balls you can do it your more of a big girl than I am amapparently
Me: Jessica and I are on speaking terms again. And I never said that you fuck everyone over. Im just saying that you are in no place to bitch at everyone for every mistake they have ever made and bring things up from months ago because you make mistakes too.
Her: Didn’t think I did but phycho’s are a bit crazy so fuck me and I wouldn’t care about the stupid trip so much if you even knew what was actually going on. And I did fucking tell you when you asked me I said yeah sure. And then it was I didn’t think you were going lol sorry tht was not trying and lol you doo.t know whatever cause how would you? We don’t even act like friends. Never talk never text. Will apparently any of us will never see eachother so it really doesn’t matter. You and ky can do this and be fiends but i.o not either one of you I’m the bitch
Me: What ever. Neither of us did what we should have. So I’m a bad friend? And when was the last time you called? And when we talk am I supposed to aks specific questions about your life? How was your drive to work? How is your cousin you have never told me about? How is your uncle? What do you expect from me? When I asked whats up that kinda leaves conversation for I god laid off work, or my grandpa is in the hospital. When I ask whats up and you say nothing, I expect that you mean nothing. And I’m not trying to attack you but I’m not just going to sit by when you freak out on me and Monkey for everything we do wrong and blame all our friendship problems on us and take it like a bitch. And how do you know we will never ever see eachother again. You don’t know what my plans are after Powell. And you don’t have friends that you never see? But what ever. If you want to drop everything that’s fine. I’m not going to beg you to be my friend when obviously I only ever cause you pain.
Her: Its all my fault Kk got it okay fuck me fuck i’m the worst friend.
Me: Shut the fuck up. Did you not read that? I’m not trying to make this all your fault. I’m just saying that you have no right blaming this all on me. Its not all my fault I don’t know whats going on in your life. Its not all my fault that I don’t do exactly what you expect of me. I want to be friends with you and text more and call sometimes but I don’t know what to do anymore. I never have known if I could call or what to text about. And when you are always upset at me for something new I don’t know what I’m supposed to say or do.
Her: I neversaid it was your fault I said we don’t make good friends when were not with each other I’m just freaking out and bitch ing at you so my bad sorry
Me: So instead of fighting and saying hurtful things to eachother, what can we do to fix this? What are some things we can do for eachother to try and keep close and stay friends? Or do you even want to try? We can totally drop it if you think its not worth it.
Me again: Or if you’d rather we can be acquaintances until we want to try again.
Her: I don’t think its worth it for you to have me in your life. And again I’m hurt really bad by you and monkey and its not going to change and its not going to be the last time.
Her again: But I’m always the one freaking out and being a cunt so my bad.
Me: … Ok Maxx….
Her: .okay arika. Sorry for wasting your time. Again.
Me: Yup. Cause I said that. Who shoves words down whos throats?
Her: Didn’t say you said it just apollijzeing for waisting your time. But thanks for making me a cunt again
Me:… What ever. This is me being done. Peace.
Her: Okay. That’s not new to me….
I stopped texting after that. But this is what really confuses me in the end. I just got a text just now:
Her: Sorry wasn’t trying to make it pound like you weren’t a good friend. I just am going crazy I fucking hate that I didn’t see you and I really wanted to talk to you I am just lonely sorry you have ky and I just don’t feel like anyones friend like I did with you two it just hurts me and I want you to be happy I just wish I was and maybe I might be in a good median… Maybe. Sorry.
…………………………………………………………………………….. WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!
Anyways, after school and fighting with life in general I hang out with a friend. No big deal. But I fight with my other friend Z. Not in a huge fight like Sandra’s and mine. But it kinda proved that things are over between us. We officially have nothing in common, no similar views, nothing that a friendship needs to have to exist… I just don’t know what to do. Maybe I’m just over reacting though. People are over-rated.
Last fun part of my day, I come back into my room on the phone, and I hear scared and choking chicken noises from the chicken coop behind my house. I run down the hall and get my brother and a flashlight and we inspect. We find five dead chickens out of our 12 total, and two dying chickens. It wouldn’t have been so bad if they were just chickens. These are my mom’s pets. My mom gets up every morning, and feeds these chickens, no matter how cold. I know it sounds weird to some people, but these chickens were like some peoples cats or dogs… She wasn’t happy to say the least. That pretty much killed my day.
So I’m ending on a few notes. First off. People fucking suck, and now that I’m all alone in life officially when Ky leaves, I’m not even going to fucking bother trying to make new friends. If the fall on me, so be it. If not…. More time to do arts and crafts and homework I guess… Secondly, Fuck my life.
-End.-
Today officially can suck a fat juicy throbbing vein covered cock. I started my day worrying about my piano test. I was on my way to school when for the first time in my life, I got pulled over speeding unintentionally. I have been pulled over for speeding before, but I could at least giggle at the fact that I got caught or something to that effect, where I was aware of myself doing something stupid. No. Today I got to get pissed at myself because I am such a stupid fat kid with such a small attention span that I was more concerned with catching up to the trucks in front of me and eating my fucking pop-tart to even fucking notice that I was A)Speeding, and B) Passing a hi-po. So now I have an amazing $82 ticket to pay when I already can’t afford life as it is, and a beautiful pink slip to further prove my stupidity. Next my day gets better. I get a text from Maxx. A.K.A crazy cunt face. I love her to death, but oh my fucking dear fucking lord. I wish…… Something……………….. I just wish something…………………………….. Here is how the convo goes. Keep in mind you don’t know much of the back story or much about the past things she has freaked out about but Idc, if you are somewhat smart you should be able to piece it to-fucking-gether.
Her: I’m glad that we were friends.
Me: Were? And why? You never seemed to enjoy a moment of it.
Her: Why cause I don’t feel like your friend. And who is putting words in Who’s mouth now.
Me: Why do you not feel like my friend? Cause Im finally calling you out on things I just cant deal with anymore because when I bring it up nicely you try to turn it around or make excuses? Or because Money and I didn’t swing by Denver really quick just to visit after the rave or pick you up for two nights for the rave? What am I doing wrong now? You are so quick to call Money and I out on everything , so whats wrong with me doing it? And even when you were here I told you how I felt about Monkey being the only reason you visited and you turned it around to make it seem like I was a duche because it made you feel bad that I said that. Maybe I should just accept that nothing will change and we can just leave things how they are and decide to try and just remember the good times that we did have. I just don’t understand what changed. When I first met you, you were so down to earth and selfless and amazing and adventurous and chill and laid back and pretty much the women of my dreams. What happned? And what words exactly am I putting in your mouth?
Her: Everything you said yesterday was bull Shit! And idk what is making you freak out. But I don’t feel like either you or Monkey’s friend. So sorry to waste a year of your life by talking to me. I’ll leave it at that.
Me: Why do you not feel like our friends? That doesn’t even make sense. And how is it bullshit if that’s how I feel?
Her: Yeah but what brought it up huh? Because neither of you actually try so maybe if I piss you off that much and I don’t feel like anyone got my back it’s a waste of our time mostly yours asapently”
Me: I got a text saying “…Okay. How hard did you roll?” and assumed that you ment, like you had done so many times before, that I only said that cause I was rolling. And I have had your back so many times before even when I felt lied to and like you were keeping things from me and unappreciated. I love you to death! I just don’t understand how pissing us off is supposed to make us have your back. Isnt the fact that we are trying to be your friend still after everything and through all the fights and through all the times of you trying to make us mad and through all of your quirks and your hard times that we could be there for you for and even through you leaving proof that we want you in our lives?!
Her: Trying? How and I try to make you mad that’s bs right there. If you guys really wanted me to go you could have easy got me to in youknow that that’s why you asked me again I agreed and you bailed lol so I’m a bad friend I’m lying to you okay. Your right okay yovwin you don’t neede a piece of Shit like me for a friend. And I don’t need ppl that don’t try to actually be my friend when I’m not around. That’s why its bs the crap you were sayin I always have your back when your not there or not but I doo.t see it from either one of you
Me: Ok. First of all, quit being so defensive and try to see my fucking point. We have been by you through a lot. What have we not been by you through? Sorry for needing a break from you freaking out constantly about everything. I guess we are just really bad friends. And we did want you to go! We asked you to. You couldn’t make it to Casper because of your car and we couldn’t afford to go all the way to Denver to pick you up. What did you want us to do? We can never seem to live up to your standards. If we are such shit friends why did you ever fucking bother?
Her: Yeah the car thing was after you asked me to go I said I would the next day you said to wait. That was the end of it it were the other way around I would hagve tried whatever to get either of you to go. Neither of you tell me lol or and I doo.t tell you cause neither of you act like you give a Shit when you went to salt lake the last time or anything in between. It sounds like a reall friendship.
Her again: And just so you know I see your point that’s why we don’t make good friends when where not around each other. We both have bad flaws and i’m not waying anything apparently I have more which is probably true but you also don’t know me cause we don’t talk. Sorry for wasting your time and trying to be friends that turned bad. Hope goes well with you peace
Me: Well you never game me a fucking answer on if you were coming or not so I assumed you didn’t want to go so I didn’t bother begging and pleading for something when your likely to just freak the fuck out and ruin it anyways because you cant seem to not bring shit up from the past all the fucking time. And you said that you couldn’t go and not to worry about it because your car wasn’t working so what the fuck did you want me to do?! Honestly! And with the Salt Lake trip the first time we didn’t decide to go until like 9 at night and you had stopped texting us both so we assumed you when to bed and the next morning we left at like 6 in the morning. What the fuck did you want us to fucking do? Do you not think that sounds over dramatic or controlling or fucking psycho at fucking all? Maybe I could understand if you were dating one of us but you fucking weren’t! Therefore we are not obligated to tell you fucking every tiny decision we make. Sorry. And you want to bring up the past and talk about not being invited. Lets bring up the fucking Denver trip. Monkey was invited. 5 was invited. Was I? Did you even think of me? Probably fucking not. I wasn’t even though of by you or Monkey until Monkey saw me crying and not wanting to come over because I felt left out. Did I whine and bitch about it for a year? No. I got the fuck over it like a sane grown up. Lets talk about a personal conversation I had with you about Niff and how I liked him. Several times you two would go hang out. Was I EVER invited? Even once? Was I ever thought of? I told you that I had never been mudding and Nick or what ever his fucking face and you were going. Was I ever invited or thought of? How many times have you left me behind with no reason? How many times did I cry alone in your apartment when you were too busy smoking pot or drinking or fucking one of the guys you had over to even fucking notice? You couldn’t even try to be civil when I had someone I cared about at the time hang out so you could meet him because God for fucking bid I invite someone over. At least people I hang out with don’t shoot up or steal shit from their friends or rip people off. Fuck you if you are going to tell me I am a bad friend with never considering the things you have done to hurt me and Monkey. If you truly are that much of a close minded insecure self centered dramatic psycho crazy cunt then I guess I was wrong about you in the first place and the person that I do love and want to hang out with and have adventures with, the person that I though I could talk to and relate to and have fun with doesn’t fucking exist so delete my fucking number, my facebook, my myspace, and any other contact you have with me because Im fucking done.
Her: Yeah I’m a phyco cunt bitch that’s me I fuck everyone over and im contorlig. Yes your right. So treat me like Jessica and talk shit and never talk to me again if you have the balls you can do it your more of a big girl than I am amapparently
Me: Jessica and I are on speaking terms again. And I never said that you fuck everyone over. Im just saying that you are in no place to bitch at everyone for every mistake they have ever made and bring things up from months ago because you make mistakes too.
Her: Didn’t think I did but phycho’s are a bit crazy so fuck me and I wouldn’t care about the stupid trip so much if you even knew what was actually going on. And I did fucking tell you when you asked me I said yeah sure. And then it was I didn’t think you were going lol sorry tht was not trying and lol you doo.t know whatever cause how would you? We don’t even act like friends. Never talk never text. Will apparently any of us will never see eachother so it really doesn’t matter. You and ky can do this and be fiends but i.o not either one of you I’m the bitch
Me: What ever. Neither of us did what we should have. So I’m a bad friend? And when was the last time you called? And when we talk am I supposed to aks specific questions about your life? How was your drive to work? How is your cousin you have never told me about? How is your uncle? What do you expect from me? When I asked whats up that kinda leaves conversation for I god laid off work, or my grandpa is in the hospital. When I ask whats up and you say nothing, I expect that you mean nothing. And I’m not trying to attack you but I’m not just going to sit by when you freak out on me and Monkey for everything we do wrong and blame all our friendship problems on us and take it like a bitch. And how do you know we will never ever see eachother again. You don’t know what my plans are after Powell. And you don’t have friends that you never see? But what ever. If you want to drop everything that’s fine. I’m not going to beg you to be my friend when obviously I only ever cause you pain.
Her: Its all my fault Kk got it okay fuck me fuck i’m the worst friend.
Me: Shut the fuck up. Did you not read that? I’m not trying to make this all your fault. I’m just saying that you have no right blaming this all on me. Its not all my fault I don’t know whats going on in your life. Its not all my fault that I don’t do exactly what you expect of me. I want to be friends with you and text more and call sometimes but I don’t know what to do anymore. I never have known if I could call or what to text about. And when you are always upset at me for something new I don’t know what I’m supposed to say or do.
Her: I neversaid it was your fault I said we don’t make good friends when were not with each other I’m just freaking out and bitch ing at you so my bad sorry
Me: So instead of fighting and saying hurtful things to eachother, what can we do to fix this? What are some things we can do for eachother to try and keep close and stay friends? Or do you even want to try? We can totally drop it if you think its not worth it.
Me again: Or if you’d rather we can be acquaintances until we want to try again.
Her: I don’t think its worth it for you to have me in your life. And again I’m hurt really bad by you and monkey and its not going to change and its not going to be the last time.
Her again: But I’m always the one freaking out and being a cunt so my bad.
Me: … Ok Maxx….
Her: .okay arika. Sorry for wasting your time. Again.
Me: Yup. Cause I said that. Who shoves words down whos throats?
Her: Didn’t say you said it just apollijzeing for waisting your time. But thanks for making me a cunt again
Me:… What ever. This is me being done. Peace.
Her: Okay. That’s not new to me….
I stopped texting after that. But this is what really confuses me in the end. I just got a text just now:
Her: Sorry wasn’t trying to make it pound like you weren’t a good friend. I just am going crazy I fucking hate that I didn’t see you and I really wanted to talk to you I am just lonely sorry you have ky and I just don’t feel like anyones friend like I did with you two it just hurts me and I want you to be happy I just wish I was and maybe I might be in a good median… Maybe. Sorry.
…………………………………………………………………………….. WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!
Anyways, after school and fighting with life in general I hang out with a friend. No big deal. But I fight with my other friend Z. Not in a huge fight like Sandra’s and mine. But it kinda proved that things are over between us. We officially have nothing in common, no similar views, nothing that a friendship needs to have to exist… I just don’t know what to do. Maybe I’m just over reacting though. People are over-rated.
Last fun part of my day, I come back into my room on the phone, and I hear scared and choking chicken noises from the chicken coop behind my house. I run down the hall and get my brother and a flashlight and we inspect. We find five dead chickens out of our 12 total, and two dying chickens. It wouldn’t have been so bad if they were just chickens. These are my mom’s pets. My mom gets up every morning, and feeds these chickens, no matter how cold. I know it sounds weird to some people, but these chickens were like some peoples cats or dogs… She wasn’t happy to say the least. That pretty much killed my day.
So I’m ending on a few notes. First off. People fucking suck, and now that I’m all alone in life officially when Ky leaves, I’m not even going to fucking bother trying to make new friends. If the fall on me, so be it. If not…. More time to do arts and crafts and homework I guess… Secondly, Fuck my life.
-End.-