Minutes of Hogwarts Faculty Meeting, August 28
Minutes, Staff Meeting, 28 August 2007
Meeting was called to order at 4:37, seven minutes late.
In attendence: Headmaster Snape; Headmaster Emeritus Dumbledore; Senior Staff Binns, Flitwick, Hagrid, Lupin, Pince, Pomfrey, Sinistra, Slughorn, Sprout, Trelawney; Junior Staff Black (S.), Granger, Malfoy. Absent: Senior Staff Filch (excused due to unspecified crisis regarding self-cleaning charms in the Ravenclaw boy's dormitory lavoratories), McGonagal (excused due to indefinite secondment to supposedly secret Ministry bureau); Junior Staff Potter (excused while recovering at length from attempted possession by spirit of T. Riddle [Slytherin, '45].)Potter: undergoing treatment of unspecified, possibly experimental variety while in residence at the home of Professor Snape and his paramour; now leading Order of the Phoenix. Dumbledore: active in Order.
Minutes of previous meeting ( see Attachment A) approved by acclamation, with Mr. Black (R.) abstaining on the grounds of not having read them. Miss Granger remarked that nobody read them and that was probably just as well. She reiterated her wish that the minutes in future reflect only the official decisions reached by this body. Headmaster Snape again pointed out that staff, collectively, has no official role in the running of the school and therefore could not reach any official decisions. Professor Binns enquired again if anyone other than he would like to record the minutes, with a reminder that the task often fell to more junior members of the staff in years past (see Attachment B for a recent example) but none of the junior staffers present volunteered. McGonagal: apparently at country home near Firth. S. and R. Black: still resurrected; still blood traitors. Other staff (halfbloods, mudbloods, vermin, etc.) irrelevant to the cause.
Headmaster Snape announced his intention to omit the traditional words of welcome to the staff upon the opening of the new academic year. Headmaster Emeritus Dumbledore, who was seated upon an invisible chair floating just over heads of the rest of those attending the meeting, suggested that perhaps his remarks from a previous year could be read into the minutes. Headmaster Snape suggested that Headmaster Emeritus Dumbledore should "stick to his knitting." Headmaster Emeritus Dumbledore withdrew the suggestion and offered around a small paper bag of Fizzing Whizzbees. Hogwarts Express departs as usual from Platform 9½, King's Cross station Saturday September 1 at 10:52 a.m. precisely. Charmed to maintain steady speed as usual; charms strengthened this year to include spells against unplanned stops. Headmaster Snape having omitted once again to distribute an agenda for the meeting, discussion passed immediately to new business.New wards and security charms are in place throughout Hogwarts and environs, possibly extending into the Forbidden Forest and Hogsmeade. Details when available.Madame Pomfrey reminded the assembled that all teaching staff are required to submit to a physical examination by her prior to the start of the term. Junior Staff member Black (R.) speculated that this requirement was intended to "give Pomfrey a long look at my handsome bum." Madame Pomfrey responded that the physical exam for staff had been an annual requirement since long before Mr. Black's bum was first diapered. Discussion turned to the needs of the infirmary for increased supplies of various potions, in anticipation of further warlike acts possibly directed against Hogwarts personnel. Professor Slughorn listed a number of potions he had already brewed "while some other people were off sunning themselves in Mediterranean splendor, during what was supposed to be my annual vacation." He continued with a list of potions of lesser sensitivity which he would expect his advanced students to brew in the course of the term. Madame Pomfrey moved that the staff offer a vote of thanks to Professor Slughorn for his labors, Professor Hagrid seconded the motion, and the motion passed 13-1, with Headmaster Snape abstaining.Pass codes for the wards and charms were unavailable, but Dumbledore favors the names of candies as passwords, Potter combines the letters F, R, and W, S. Black uses crude Muggle phrases, and Filch relies on simple phrases in Gobbledegook for ciphering his charms. Headmaster Snape remarked that in his many years as Potions Master at Hogwarts he had never thought to use student labor to lighten his burden, adding that he thought it beneath the dignity of the office, and also that he had never once been thanked properly for any of his own many contributions to the well-being and safety of the school. Mr. Malfoy made brief interventions into the discussion of an exclamatory nature, and Headmaster Snape withdrew his previous comment and also congratulated Professor Slughorn on his willingness to innovate.
Professors Hagrid and Sprout reported briefly on renovations to the facilities for Magical Creatures and the greenhouses, respectively. Professor Slughorn reported at length on renovations to the potions laboratories, stressing that they were done within the time allotted and under budget. Headmaster Snape asked if he wanted another vote of thanks, whereupon Mr. Malfoy appeared to suffer a fit of coughing. Headmaster Emeritus Dumbledore offered him lozenges, and then extended the offer to the meeting more generally.
Headmaster Snape then inquired of the assembled if they had completed their preparations for the coming term. All agreed that they had, except for Mr. Black (R.) who appeared to be asleep. Upon waking, he said "syllabus? what? books? books you say?" and continued in that vein until Miss Granger kicked him in his left shin, whereupon he agreed that he had "done whatever she said I've done."
Professor Filch moved that the meeting be adjourned at 6:22. The motion was seconded by Madame Pomfrey and carried by acclamation.
Respectfully submitted,
Professor Binns
Meeting was called to order at 4:37, seven minutes late.
In attendence: Headmaster Snape; Headmaster Emeritus Dumbledore; Senior Staff Binns, Flitwick, Hagrid, Lupin, Pince, Pomfrey, Sinistra, Slughorn, Sprout, Trelawney; Junior Staff Black (S.), Granger, Malfoy. Absent: Senior Staff Filch (excused due to unspecified crisis regarding self-cleaning charms in the Ravenclaw boy's dormitory lavoratories), McGonagal (excused due to indefinite secondment to supposedly secret Ministry bureau); Junior Staff Potter (excused while recovering at length from attempted possession by spirit of T. Riddle [Slytherin, '45].)Potter: undergoing treatment of unspecified, possibly experimental variety while in residence at the home of Professor Snape and his paramour; now leading Order of the Phoenix. Dumbledore: active in Order.
Minutes of previous meeting ( see Attachment A) approved by acclamation, with Mr. Black (R.) abstaining on the grounds of not having read them. Miss Granger remarked that nobody read them and that was probably just as well. She reiterated her wish that the minutes in future reflect only the official decisions reached by this body. Headmaster Snape again pointed out that staff, collectively, has no official role in the running of the school and therefore could not reach any official decisions. Professor Binns enquired again if anyone other than he would like to record the minutes, with a reminder that the task often fell to more junior members of the staff in years past (see Attachment B for a recent example) but none of the junior staffers present volunteered. McGonagal: apparently at country home near Firth. S. and R. Black: still resurrected; still blood traitors. Other staff (halfbloods, mudbloods, vermin, etc.) irrelevant to the cause.
Headmaster Snape announced his intention to omit the traditional words of welcome to the staff upon the opening of the new academic year. Headmaster Emeritus Dumbledore, who was seated upon an invisible chair floating just over heads of the rest of those attending the meeting, suggested that perhaps his remarks from a previous year could be read into the minutes. Headmaster Snape suggested that Headmaster Emeritus Dumbledore should "stick to his knitting." Headmaster Emeritus Dumbledore withdrew the suggestion and offered around a small paper bag of Fizzing Whizzbees. Hogwarts Express departs as usual from Platform 9½, King's Cross station Saturday September 1 at 10:52 a.m. precisely. Charmed to maintain steady speed as usual; charms strengthened this year to include spells against unplanned stops. Headmaster Snape having omitted once again to distribute an agenda for the meeting, discussion passed immediately to new business.New wards and security charms are in place throughout Hogwarts and environs, possibly extending into the Forbidden Forest and Hogsmeade. Details when available.Madame Pomfrey reminded the assembled that all teaching staff are required to submit to a physical examination by her prior to the start of the term. Junior Staff member Black (R.) speculated that this requirement was intended to "give Pomfrey a long look at my handsome bum." Madame Pomfrey responded that the physical exam for staff had been an annual requirement since long before Mr. Black's bum was first diapered. Discussion turned to the needs of the infirmary for increased supplies of various potions, in anticipation of further warlike acts possibly directed against Hogwarts personnel. Professor Slughorn listed a number of potions he had already brewed "while some other people were off sunning themselves in Mediterranean splendor, during what was supposed to be my annual vacation." He continued with a list of potions of lesser sensitivity which he would expect his advanced students to brew in the course of the term. Madame Pomfrey moved that the staff offer a vote of thanks to Professor Slughorn for his labors, Professor Hagrid seconded the motion, and the motion passed 13-1, with Headmaster Snape abstaining.Pass codes for the wards and charms were unavailable, but Dumbledore favors the names of candies as passwords, Potter combines the letters F, R, and W, S. Black uses crude Muggle phrases, and Filch relies on simple phrases in Gobbledegook for ciphering his charms. Headmaster Snape remarked that in his many years as Potions Master at Hogwarts he had never thought to use student labor to lighten his burden, adding that he thought it beneath the dignity of the office, and also that he had never once been thanked properly for any of his own many contributions to the well-being and safety of the school. Mr. Malfoy made brief interventions into the discussion of an exclamatory nature, and Headmaster Snape withdrew his previous comment and also congratulated Professor Slughorn on his willingness to innovate.
Professors Hagrid and Sprout reported briefly on renovations to the facilities for Magical Creatures and the greenhouses, respectively. Professor Slughorn reported at length on renovations to the potions laboratories, stressing that they were done within the time allotted and under budget. Headmaster Snape asked if he wanted another vote of thanks, whereupon Mr. Malfoy appeared to suffer a fit of coughing. Headmaster Emeritus Dumbledore offered him lozenges, and then extended the offer to the meeting more generally.
Headmaster Snape then inquired of the assembled if they had completed their preparations for the coming term. All agreed that they had, except for Mr. Black (R.) who appeared to be asleep. Upon waking, he said "syllabus? what? books? books you say?" and continued in that vein until Miss Granger kicked him in his left shin, whereupon he agreed that he had "done whatever she said I've done."
Professor Filch moved that the meeting be adjourned at 6:22. The motion was seconded by Madame Pomfrey and carried by acclamation.
Respectfully submitted,
Professor Binns