4 years ago ...
4 years ago today, my whole life changed. Half of me died. I lost my best friend, my rock, my foundation of life. It was all gone in an instant. I want it back so badly I can barely contain myself. Where can I put the complaint card for life? Tanning, restaurants have a complaint box, surely life has one somewhere. On that complaint card, I know exactly what I would say:
"Life,
what the fuck? What is your deal? I know life isn't always supposed to be amazing, but how can I continue being a somewhat outstanding citizen if you took half of my life away from me? Without any warning, or questions, reasoning, you didn't even let me barter, or fight, trade mine for his type of deal. I understand that this happens. That alot of people go through this same loss everyday. But you fucking knew I would need him here, to get through my failed marriage, to tell me to embrace my new one and fuck everyone who stands in my way. You knew I would need him everyday, that I want him everyday, his voice, laugh, silliness, and most importantly his love. I have never felt such unconditional love in all my life except from him. Without him I walk around empty and always feeling alone no matter how many people are around me. I can't shake that feeling of anywhere I go, no where feels like home. Do you know how scary and heart breaking it is to walk this earth with no feeling of home... I just don't think you do. Its to late for bartering, because when I saw him in the funeral home, and I held his hand, I bartered. I cried, I sobbed I ached... I ached worse then I have ever ached before, "please, my family needs him more then they need me" and that didn't work... because here I am, and here he isn't. Thanks life except for throwing a curve ball that I still can't get around."
"Life,
what the fuck? What is your deal? I know life isn't always supposed to be amazing, but how can I continue being a somewhat outstanding citizen if you took half of my life away from me? Without any warning, or questions, reasoning, you didn't even let me barter, or fight, trade mine for his type of deal. I understand that this happens. That alot of people go through this same loss everyday. But you fucking knew I would need him here, to get through my failed marriage, to tell me to embrace my new one and fuck everyone who stands in my way. You knew I would need him everyday, that I want him everyday, his voice, laugh, silliness, and most importantly his love. I have never felt such unconditional love in all my life except from him. Without him I walk around empty and always feeling alone no matter how many people are around me. I can't shake that feeling of anywhere I go, no where feels like home. Do you know how scary and heart breaking it is to walk this earth with no feeling of home... I just don't think you do. Its to late for bartering, because when I saw him in the funeral home, and I held his hand, I bartered. I cried, I sobbed I ached... I ached worse then I have ever ached before, "please, my family needs him more then they need me" and that didn't work... because here I am, and here he isn't. Thanks life except for throwing a curve ball that I still can't get around."