And I am back....
OK, So its been a long time since I posted on here. Too long maybe, its hard to say. Probably half the friends I had on here no longer post or have long ago forgotten about my existence... c'est la vie I guess.
So much has changed in my life since whence I last made my thoughts public in these hallowed cyber halls and instead of boring you with the myriad of details which even I have trouble being interested in, I thought I would use this as a journal should be used. The chronicles of thought and feeling and internal reflections and not the banal rantings of mundane occurrences.
I wonder why I need to write here really. Why I feel the need to write down what is usually more easy to express in a smile or an angry grimace. A picture speaks a thousand words and I guess that the face is the best and most efficient reflection of those words. I don't smile alot these days - well other than at home when I am completely at bliss - but rather I am hounded by an unhappiness that stems from knowing that while some pieces of your life have fallen into place so perfectly that others refuse to find a home in the jigsaw.
Of course my work is what I am talking about; a job that I go into solely for the security of a steady paycheck. A job that merely eats away my time that would have been better spent in the loving arms of my Adrian, or curled up in bed with a book or watching some trashy TV. Time that I could have spent taking care of animals, programming computer games, writing the epic novel, training to be an elite athlete or simply easing the pain of my fellow human beings. On a purely selfish note, I would never budge from Ads' arms if I could help it. Never before have I felt so safe and secure than when he looks at me and holds me tightly to him.
Life still needs to be lived however and I am plagued by the thought that so far all I have to show for my life is the rancid smell of unfulfilled potential.
I don't regret my past. The times gone by have enriched me and made me who I am. Without the people who had such a profound and enduring effect on my everyday existence, I couldn't be here today. I just wonder and hope that the choices I have made in terms of my career have been the right ones. I can never be sure of course but as I said, I would not have changed on event, moment, chance meeting or otherwise for I may not have even ended up here... and even though certain aspects of my life may be lacking, others overflow with happiness and love.
They, whoever they are, say that its never too late to learn something new.
I guess they never had a car loan, rent, electricity, water, gas, rates, mortgage, credit cards, subscriptions..........
So begins my journal - with a whiff of unfilled potential I begin to fill that void...
So much has changed in my life since whence I last made my thoughts public in these hallowed cyber halls and instead of boring you with the myriad of details which even I have trouble being interested in, I thought I would use this as a journal should be used. The chronicles of thought and feeling and internal reflections and not the banal rantings of mundane occurrences.
I wonder why I need to write here really. Why I feel the need to write down what is usually more easy to express in a smile or an angry grimace. A picture speaks a thousand words and I guess that the face is the best and most efficient reflection of those words. I don't smile alot these days - well other than at home when I am completely at bliss - but rather I am hounded by an unhappiness that stems from knowing that while some pieces of your life have fallen into place so perfectly that others refuse to find a home in the jigsaw.
Of course my work is what I am talking about; a job that I go into solely for the security of a steady paycheck. A job that merely eats away my time that would have been better spent in the loving arms of my Adrian, or curled up in bed with a book or watching some trashy TV. Time that I could have spent taking care of animals, programming computer games, writing the epic novel, training to be an elite athlete or simply easing the pain of my fellow human beings. On a purely selfish note, I would never budge from Ads' arms if I could help it. Never before have I felt so safe and secure than when he looks at me and holds me tightly to him.
Life still needs to be lived however and I am plagued by the thought that so far all I have to show for my life is the rancid smell of unfulfilled potential.
I don't regret my past. The times gone by have enriched me and made me who I am. Without the people who had such a profound and enduring effect on my everyday existence, I couldn't be here today. I just wonder and hope that the choices I have made in terms of my career have been the right ones. I can never be sure of course but as I said, I would not have changed on event, moment, chance meeting or otherwise for I may not have even ended up here... and even though certain aspects of my life may be lacking, others overflow with happiness and love.
They, whoever they are, say that its never too late to learn something new.
I guess they never had a car loan, rent, electricity, water, gas, rates, mortgage, credit cards, subscriptions..........
So begins my journal - with a whiff of unfilled potential I begin to fill that void...