To Slap Or Not To Slap [How I Met Your Mother, R]
Title: To Slap Or Not To Slap
Author: all_you_wanted
Pairing: Barney/Marshall
Fandom: How I Met Your Mother
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I own nothing, please don’t sue.
A/N: For oxoniensis's porn battle. Prompt- Slap Bet
Spoilers/Timeline: Season 3 sometime
Summary: How Barney *almost* got out of his last slap
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"I will give you one hundred dollars." Barney cowered beneath him. Marshall poised above, arm extended and ready to give the final slap of their long ago bet.
"No." Marshall drew back, getting ready to unleash the beast all over his suited foe.
"A thousand!" Barney cried, flinching.
Marshall faltered then regained his senses. "No, Barney. Quit trying to bribe your way out of it. You're getting slapped. Now quit being a girl about it and take it like a man."
"I'll suck your cock."
Marshall hit the wall instead of Barney, who'd ducked and covered his face seeing the hand coming towards him.
Marshall cleared his throat, stepping back. "Spit or swallow?" He asked intrigued.
"I am a gentleman." Barney stood up, sounding offended. "Of course, swallow."
"Of course." Marshall agreed, scratching his chin as he thought it over. "Is the grand still on the table?"
"With the BJ? Out of the question."
Marshall shrugged his shoulders in an "Oh well" gesture and moved back into slap position.
"Ok! Ok! A thousand dollars and a blow job, but that's my final offer."
Marshall's hand stopped mid-slap and dropped to shake Barney's. "That sir is a deal."
* * *
Lily rolled over when she felt the bed shift beside her.
"DId you have a nice slap Marshmellow."
"Lilypad." He said with guilty in his voice. "Something happened tonight that I don't think you're gonna like it." He then proceeded to tell her the events of the night and waited for her heartbroken reaction.
He didn't quite get the reaction he expected.
"Okay." She said looking none the less disturbed.
"Okay? So then you're not upset with me."
"As your wife, hell no. You brought home an extra grand and I got out of blow job duty for a whole other month. That's the best case of reverse whoring ever, baby." She said brightly, kissing him on the cheek. "As your slap bet commissioner though, I find the whole deal null and void and fine you both."
"But Lil-."
She stopped him with a finger to his lips. "To repeat the deal again. This time in front of me."
He loved the way his wife's mind worked. "Being married to the commish, is awesome."
"Ohh! Let's see if we can get him to pay out another grand too. You cashed the check already didn't you?"
"Of course."
Lily clapped her hands together. "Yay! Shopping spree!"
They kissed good night and laid down to sleep, spoon style.
"Lilypad," Marshall said her name, unable to sleep. "What did you mean by *out* of duty?"
Lily giggled at 'duty' and patted his hand. "Night Marshmellow."
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