(no subject)
moKNOTany on my head
i am nonexistent in my time away from home, not even through the telephone, its not your fault.
and weekly i begin to hate what i am here and what I'm not and envy everything i could do and be but dont and aren't and I don't know why
i swear its not laziness, i'm just an ungrateful mess but at the very least, i am fully aware
at the very least it could have knocked some sense into me but instead it brought regret knocking at my door and a bottled pissiness that makes me want to snap
and i am so very disappointed in myself, and anyone who doubted me knew me better than anyone who didn't
and i often often often often always think, what the fuck am i doing and why aren't i better
ungrateful ungrateful little brat
I should have lost a limb
and yes yes yes yes I know no thought or feeling of mine is unexplainable, atypical, or unexpected but please dont fucking comment because my journal says I could give two shits whether or not you think my thoughts are original nor if you think I should get over it, I'm too lazy to edit you out and too apathetic to censor myself. Better yet, say whatever you want and maybe for once i'll be unforgivingly honest, maybe i should start doing that always, maybe i'd feel better about myself. im stifled as shit.
i am nonexistent in my time away from home, not even through the telephone, its not your fault.
and weekly i begin to hate what i am here and what I'm not and envy everything i could do and be but dont and aren't and I don't know why
i swear its not laziness, i'm just an ungrateful mess but at the very least, i am fully aware
at the very least it could have knocked some sense into me but instead it brought regret knocking at my door and a bottled pissiness that makes me want to snap
and i am so very disappointed in myself, and anyone who doubted me knew me better than anyone who didn't
and i often often often often always think, what the fuck am i doing and why aren't i better
ungrateful ungrateful little brat
I should have lost a limb
and yes yes yes yes I know no thought or feeling of mine is unexplainable, atypical, or unexpected but please dont fucking comment because my journal says I could give two shits whether or not you think my thoughts are original nor if you think I should get over it, I'm too lazy to edit you out and too apathetic to censor myself. Better yet, say whatever you want and maybe for once i'll be unforgivingly honest, maybe i should start doing that always, maybe i'd feel better about myself. im stifled as shit.