whos bipolar ?..Me.....what??
Yep Yep, yesterday the world was ending, I knew it this time for sure. There was not a signle doubt in my fucked up little mind LOL
I lived, imagine that.
Today I'm happy as all hell.
F.Y.I Apperantly when you discuss shit with your therapist that you kind of repressed or pretend didnt happen, when you leave therapy and truck your happy ass all the way home listening to depressing music, it will make you flip. LOL. So just some advice from me to everyone, dont discuss tramatic shit than chain smoke while driving by yourself with "Wake me up when september ends" on repeat. It will ruin the rest of your day, I promise. No good will come from this. LOL
But Anyway My mom flipped her shit, well ok I can't say that. I can say, My mom is acting like her normal self and it finally got to me.
The woman isnt right, I mean not in a little tiny way at all. So I told her this, and who would have though she didnt want to hear that. We had a good ol' fashioned mother vs. daughter fight, than I had a Kristy vs. sister fight, than a kristy vs. sisters husband fight, than kristy said fuck you, fuck you, and most of all fuck you (to my mom). Got mine and ezras shit and said bye bye, because when you live with physcotic people, you start to feel, well physco! It's all enviromental baby, and the last thing I want is to act like my mother. I could see it now first I would become evil, than my reading and math level would drop to about second grade, with my common since level not to far behind that. And I would hunt down the dirtiest, white trash rednecks to date, because I think missing front teeth and alcoholism are so fucking sexy. Than before I knew it we would be living in our single wide bitching about being broke cause after paying child support for all 6 of his kids, and his monthly pobation charge, well theres just bearly enough to buy the budweiser! Yeah Ummmm, fuck all that bullshit.
Ezra and I are staying with my friend and I just filled out the app for an apartment. Just for me and my baby..YAYAY! got the first,last, and security taken care of and can get everything turned on, so shit isnt bad.
I should have done this sooner, before shit got like "Whoah" but you know me, shit just dosnt register upstairs until my ass is on fire, for some unknown reason I ignore the smoke.
Shit isnt perfect, by any means, but I know If I just keep my foot up my own ass than I will get shit taken care of,I have to, nobody else is going to take care of it for me. (Even if sombody said they would, its fucking my luck they would screw it all up and I would end up having to do it anyway, so fuck it i will just deal with it and be lazy later, like when I'm extremly old, cause realisticly, that will be about the time I get to finally relax.)
So Adam and I went out the other weekend, supposedly we were going out, so I could get to relax. He said we would just go have a few drinks. Also he even made it a point to make it clear to me that "we" just need to have like one or two. and I quote "Kristy, we will just you know drink socially, there is no need to get drunk, and I mean it." As if Im a huge alcoholic?!?
So, we go out. Adams "one or two" beers were drank right after oh I would say his 8th shot?? I soon realize that what adam meant to say was "Kristy, I will become piss drunk tonight and you will only be able to have one or two drink, tops, if even that."
So realizing that, I decided that having one or two drinks would be fucking retarted right than cause it would take way more than two for me to be able to deal with him and also I hate drunks and would be driving home. Adam didnt like my revised plans for the night so he takes me keys and runs off (like dealing with Ezra, but in a bar). He gets in one of the other kids that was with us cars and decideds to leave with my keys. Now Im standing there with our other drunk friend, contenplating weather I should just go try to find him kick his ass and take my keys, or go have thoes drinks than do that. For some unknown reason I just decided to take the other drunk kids car and go find adam, knowing it wont be hard, theres only two bars near by, and well where else would a drunk go you know? so sure enough I go to the other bar and there he is falling on himself in the parking lot. I felt relived when I realized that I didnt even have to kick his ass, he was doing it himself, or atleast it appeared that way to anyone sober.
So I walk up to him and he is crying, becuase well why else "He fucking loves me so much, Im his world, andhe just cant seem to undertsand why I dont want to be with him and make him ezras daddy?!? I know I must be crazy. I tell him hes a drunk and I want my keys. He cries some more, this time not cause he loves me but because Im and evil fucking dirty bitch, that needs to get my shit straight?!?
I agree, I must be horrible. I apologize for ruining his night, and tell him I will just leave so he can enjoy the rest of it.
And whats that? More tears and spit and sweat and falling on me with his eyes rolling back in his head, but this time he is certain he loves me again, because Im such good person.
It's right about time, he decideds he is going to throw up everywhere, I mean everywhere. so now all the FRIENDS he just lef with relize adam is to drunk to go in and buy them all there liquor, so they dip. That leaves me (100pounds) now holding adam(175pounds) up while he throws up. It wasnt until the yacked all over my brand new steve madden shoes that I realize, hey thats not only vomit but massive amounts of blood he is throwing up.
So yep I got to relax in the ER all fucking night while adam got choke slammed but the hospital staff because he kept threating to beat them all up, even the little 90 year old lady in the hospital bed next to him.
8am rolls around, and after the doctor tells adam he is a dumbass and tells me im eaither one too for putting up with him, or just a really good friend. were free to leave. I drive my happy ass all the fucking way to spring hill to bring him home, than back to NPR to go home and go to bed, but as i open the door I soon realize I wont be going to bed, I will be making Ezra pancakes and now being a mommy. My relaxion time is over. Yippie.
Adam and I no longer go out hang out, and although he just cant seem to understand why I refuse to "let myself be happy with him" I still seem to think it's for the best.
way to long of an entry people I know. kudois to you if you made it this far, you should find something better to do with your time. lol
love ya all....
I lived, imagine that.
Today I'm happy as all hell.
F.Y.I Apperantly when you discuss shit with your therapist that you kind of repressed or pretend didnt happen, when you leave therapy and truck your happy ass all the way home listening to depressing music, it will make you flip. LOL. So just some advice from me to everyone, dont discuss tramatic shit than chain smoke while driving by yourself with "Wake me up when september ends" on repeat. It will ruin the rest of your day, I promise. No good will come from this. LOL
But Anyway My mom flipped her shit, well ok I can't say that. I can say, My mom is acting like her normal self and it finally got to me.
The woman isnt right, I mean not in a little tiny way at all. So I told her this, and who would have though she didnt want to hear that. We had a good ol' fashioned mother vs. daughter fight, than I had a Kristy vs. sister fight, than a kristy vs. sisters husband fight, than kristy said fuck you, fuck you, and most of all fuck you (to my mom). Got mine and ezras shit and said bye bye, because when you live with physcotic people, you start to feel, well physco! It's all enviromental baby, and the last thing I want is to act like my mother. I could see it now first I would become evil, than my reading and math level would drop to about second grade, with my common since level not to far behind that. And I would hunt down the dirtiest, white trash rednecks to date, because I think missing front teeth and alcoholism are so fucking sexy. Than before I knew it we would be living in our single wide bitching about being broke cause after paying child support for all 6 of his kids, and his monthly pobation charge, well theres just bearly enough to buy the budweiser! Yeah Ummmm, fuck all that bullshit.
Ezra and I are staying with my friend and I just filled out the app for an apartment. Just for me and my baby..YAYAY! got the first,last, and security taken care of and can get everything turned on, so shit isnt bad.
I should have done this sooner, before shit got like "Whoah" but you know me, shit just dosnt register upstairs until my ass is on fire, for some unknown reason I ignore the smoke.
Shit isnt perfect, by any means, but I know If I just keep my foot up my own ass than I will get shit taken care of,I have to, nobody else is going to take care of it for me. (Even if sombody said they would, its fucking my luck they would screw it all up and I would end up having to do it anyway, so fuck it i will just deal with it and be lazy later, like when I'm extremly old, cause realisticly, that will be about the time I get to finally relax.)
So Adam and I went out the other weekend, supposedly we were going out, so I could get to relax. He said we would just go have a few drinks. Also he even made it a point to make it clear to me that "we" just need to have like one or two. and I quote "Kristy, we will just you know drink socially, there is no need to get drunk, and I mean it." As if Im a huge alcoholic?!?
So, we go out. Adams "one or two" beers were drank right after oh I would say his 8th shot?? I soon realize that what adam meant to say was "Kristy, I will become piss drunk tonight and you will only be able to have one or two drink, tops, if even that."
So realizing that, I decided that having one or two drinks would be fucking retarted right than cause it would take way more than two for me to be able to deal with him and also I hate drunks and would be driving home. Adam didnt like my revised plans for the night so he takes me keys and runs off (like dealing with Ezra, but in a bar). He gets in one of the other kids that was with us cars and decideds to leave with my keys. Now Im standing there with our other drunk friend, contenplating weather I should just go try to find him kick his ass and take my keys, or go have thoes drinks than do that. For some unknown reason I just decided to take the other drunk kids car and go find adam, knowing it wont be hard, theres only two bars near by, and well where else would a drunk go you know? so sure enough I go to the other bar and there he is falling on himself in the parking lot. I felt relived when I realized that I didnt even have to kick his ass, he was doing it himself, or atleast it appeared that way to anyone sober.
So I walk up to him and he is crying, becuase well why else "He fucking loves me so much, Im his world, andhe just cant seem to undertsand why I dont want to be with him and make him ezras daddy?!? I know I must be crazy. I tell him hes a drunk and I want my keys. He cries some more, this time not cause he loves me but because Im and evil fucking dirty bitch, that needs to get my shit straight?!?
I agree, I must be horrible. I apologize for ruining his night, and tell him I will just leave so he can enjoy the rest of it.
And whats that? More tears and spit and sweat and falling on me with his eyes rolling back in his head, but this time he is certain he loves me again, because Im such good person.
It's right about time, he decideds he is going to throw up everywhere, I mean everywhere. so now all the FRIENDS he just lef with relize adam is to drunk to go in and buy them all there liquor, so they dip. That leaves me (100pounds) now holding adam(175pounds) up while he throws up. It wasnt until the yacked all over my brand new steve madden shoes that I realize, hey thats not only vomit but massive amounts of blood he is throwing up.
So yep I got to relax in the ER all fucking night while adam got choke slammed but the hospital staff because he kept threating to beat them all up, even the little 90 year old lady in the hospital bed next to him.
8am rolls around, and after the doctor tells adam he is a dumbass and tells me im eaither one too for putting up with him, or just a really good friend. were free to leave. I drive my happy ass all the fucking way to spring hill to bring him home, than back to NPR to go home and go to bed, but as i open the door I soon realize I wont be going to bed, I will be making Ezra pancakes and now being a mommy. My relaxion time is over. Yippie.
Adam and I no longer go out hang out, and although he just cant seem to understand why I refuse to "let myself be happy with him" I still seem to think it's for the best.
way to long of an entry people I know. kudois to you if you made it this far, you should find something better to do with your time. lol
love ya all....