Ok.
This is Me. Juts me talking, please dont try to understand it, its just me trying to figure shit out.
I think I spent a good part of my life this far bitching about there isnt a god or whatever cause i have been begging for help and never gotten it. I dont think I ever really wanted HELP until about 6 months ago. and than when i REALLY wanted help, god or whatever it is that has a power lol gave me the tools to get help.
Im so wierd today, I cant even begin to decrisbe this feeling, its sad but its happy but its me crying (talk about fucking bipolar)
I'm sitting here thinking about all the people in my life and all the people who have walked out f my life. i dont mean walked out in a bad way, sometimes people just have to fucking leave. thats the sad thing, when people have to leave that you dont want to. like a person that came into your life and 110% changed it, ofcourse your the one that really changed it but its because of that person, you didnt know that that kind of person was out there. you respect them so much,how they act what they do. its when that person has to leave that you kinda gasp for breath, you didnt stop and think of what it would really be like without them. your this new person and it was great and than they left and now your this new person and its still great but so scary. you smile because you know that that kind of person is out there but its still sad cause there out there and you still want there help, still feel you need it, and even if you know you dont NEED it your still going to say you NEED it cause you want it LOL ok maybe i just do that cause im a female and i always want my way LOL. i dont know, but i do know i think to much. On to my job search.....going pretty good, although it did just start lol.
and everyone who has ever talked to me knows that since i was younge i always said i wanted to be a child psycholigist, or worked with troubled youth. but than for some unknown reason i declared my major as getting my R.N. but never took the classes lol i just took psychology classes and shit. well whenever i go back to school I think im going to go ahead and go for psychology. Except if im a therapist or psychologist I want to do things diffrent. I have been to so many of them, and i think i understand why some of them are not helpful and some are. because they teach you not to get attached to your patiants, its like you learn that its not good to get attached to them because naturally they dont want you to cross the line, or be unethical. except in my eyes what they say is unethical is bullshit. I think its the doctors that havnt de sensitized them selves yet are the ones that make a diffrence, because they do care about you, they do want to see you every week, they do care if they help.It's real and you can see it, you know it, you feel it. and thats what makes it work, you realizing that the doc is human and your not a just a patiant. I dont see how I couldnt get attached to somebody that sat infront of me for an hour like everyweek and talked about personal shit and cried. I dont see it as a bad thing to get attached to a patiant,especially if i made such a diffrence in thier life.
Ok see i said i had alot on my mind i now i have just been rambling. I guess i just have anxiety, today just inst a good day.
I think I spent a good part of my life this far bitching about there isnt a god or whatever cause i have been begging for help and never gotten it. I dont think I ever really wanted HELP until about 6 months ago. and than when i REALLY wanted help, god or whatever it is that has a power lol gave me the tools to get help.
Im so wierd today, I cant even begin to decrisbe this feeling, its sad but its happy but its me crying (talk about fucking bipolar)
I'm sitting here thinking about all the people in my life and all the people who have walked out f my life. i dont mean walked out in a bad way, sometimes people just have to fucking leave. thats the sad thing, when people have to leave that you dont want to. like a person that came into your life and 110% changed it, ofcourse your the one that really changed it but its because of that person, you didnt know that that kind of person was out there. you respect them so much,how they act what they do. its when that person has to leave that you kinda gasp for breath, you didnt stop and think of what it would really be like without them. your this new person and it was great and than they left and now your this new person and its still great but so scary. you smile because you know that that kind of person is out there but its still sad cause there out there and you still want there help, still feel you need it, and even if you know you dont NEED it your still going to say you NEED it cause you want it LOL ok maybe i just do that cause im a female and i always want my way LOL. i dont know, but i do know i think to much. On to my job search.....going pretty good, although it did just start lol.
and everyone who has ever talked to me knows that since i was younge i always said i wanted to be a child psycholigist, or worked with troubled youth. but than for some unknown reason i declared my major as getting my R.N. but never took the classes lol i just took psychology classes and shit. well whenever i go back to school I think im going to go ahead and go for psychology. Except if im a therapist or psychologist I want to do things diffrent. I have been to so many of them, and i think i understand why some of them are not helpful and some are. because they teach you not to get attached to your patiants, its like you learn that its not good to get attached to them because naturally they dont want you to cross the line, or be unethical. except in my eyes what they say is unethical is bullshit. I think its the doctors that havnt de sensitized them selves yet are the ones that make a diffrence, because they do care about you, they do want to see you every week, they do care if they help.It's real and you can see it, you know it, you feel it. and thats what makes it work, you realizing that the doc is human and your not a just a patiant. I dont see how I couldnt get attached to somebody that sat infront of me for an hour like everyweek and talked about personal shit and cried. I dont see it as a bad thing to get attached to a patiant,especially if i made such a diffrence in thier life.
Ok see i said i had alot on my mind i now i have just been rambling. I guess i just have anxiety, today just inst a good day.