Rabbit, Run
I really don't know whats wrong with me these days. I think that I need a change in my medication. Backstory: in 2003 I was diagnosed with some pretty severe OCD as the result of exposure to pretty grim stuff with the Arlington County Police Department when I was an intern. Bad stuff as in the sort of thing that makes you serious contemplate suicide. So, after some soul-searching (and contemplation of the various bridge heights on campus at William and Mary on the off chance I decided to go over to the hardware store and buy up some rope), I went and saw the on-campus psychiatrist at the health center. I've been taking 200mg of Luvox daily ever since.
The problem is, I think that the drug may be losing its effectiveness. Or, at the very least, starting to come with various other side effects. I've noticed that fairly recently, although Wilson has been saying for at least 3 years that I ought to get my dosage and/or medication checked. This has come to a head recently and I definitely think it's time to explore my various psychological options.
For one thing, I've noticed that I seem to have become something of a bystander in my own life. Nothing really seems to matter all that much to me anymore. I go to work and punch the clock, but I don't really care if my work is up to standard or not. I just do it and call it a day. It's not laziness or inattentiveness on my part; I just don't seem to care. The same goes with my interpersonal relationships. Someone is upset by something I've said or done? Eh, I'll talk to them and then forget about it. Christmas? Whatever. I don't really care what I get or don't get. I mean, I want to get SOMETHING, but I couldn't tell you what that is.
It almost feels like there is a part of a puzzle missing for me. Like the contrast button on the screen has been turned down and everything is more or less the same shade of grey. Wilson has been supportive through this situation and has actually bought me a couple of workbooks that we're hoping will help me deal with both my anxiety as well as my general lack of attention to life. I hope it does, because I'm not sure how long I can handle this.
The problem is, I think that the drug may be losing its effectiveness. Or, at the very least, starting to come with various other side effects. I've noticed that fairly recently, although Wilson has been saying for at least 3 years that I ought to get my dosage and/or medication checked. This has come to a head recently and I definitely think it's time to explore my various psychological options.
For one thing, I've noticed that I seem to have become something of a bystander in my own life. Nothing really seems to matter all that much to me anymore. I go to work and punch the clock, but I don't really care if my work is up to standard or not. I just do it and call it a day. It's not laziness or inattentiveness on my part; I just don't seem to care. The same goes with my interpersonal relationships. Someone is upset by something I've said or done? Eh, I'll talk to them and then forget about it. Christmas? Whatever. I don't really care what I get or don't get. I mean, I want to get SOMETHING, but I couldn't tell you what that is.
It almost feels like there is a part of a puzzle missing for me. Like the contrast button on the screen has been turned down and everything is more or less the same shade of grey. Wilson has been supportive through this situation and has actually bought me a couple of workbooks that we're hoping will help me deal with both my anxiety as well as my general lack of attention to life. I hope it does, because I'm not sure how long I can handle this.