What more is there to say
So I can pretend that I really don't care. I can come on myspace and hook the whole thing up like everything in my life is fine and peachy right now. Or I can start dating ASAP and hook up with as many people as I can until I think I find "the one" that will be my one and only. Or I can go out and spend my money drastically to compensate for my loss...
...but none of that would really make things better. So what I WILL do, is be truthful and assign truth to my life. I'll be me, and that's all I can do until everything is alright. You know? L:ike, I'm a very determined, confident, sexy, intelligent, and energetic person with a very colorful personality. What else is there to do? Should I go jump off of a bridge and commit suicide? No, that would be selfish.
Today, I went out early in the morning to go take care of something. On my way back home, I was cross the street at 3rd avenue. I was J walking. I looked up half way through the street, and I saw a big U-Haul truck coming my way. I stopped for one instant...and I didn't want to move because I felt like that would take the pain away because I doubt that it would hurt more than what I'm going through, but at least I wouldn't feel that pain anymore.
And then I snapped out of it and finished crossing the street. Love is more important than dying and I can't be selfish to the people I care about. What people love you, you have to make sure you fulfill that obligation when everything is right. My friends and my family love me and they are here for me.
I love Ceejay more than anything in the world and that won't change. I know for a fact that I will always love her that much. But I can't force her to be with me, and I can't change the fact that she cheated on me. Regardless, I would take her back in a heartbeat if I had the chance because that's how much I love her. This is the way things work, and there isn't a thing I can do about it.
The past two days have been extremely hard for me. Hard like you wouldn't believe. I've went through so many emotions. I felt like a singularity was sucking all of my memories and emotions back at me. I laughed alot, and then I cried alot. I'm glad that I have people there to catch my tears for me. I wish it wasn't like this, but it is and I am dealing with it.
Am I a great guy? Sure I am. I wonder if it's bad that I know that. I mean, I'm a really good guy. Everything I do...EVERYTHING, has justification. Ceejay and I weren't really having problems before this whole thing happened, but things were building up. The past has been very rough on me. These past two months have been extremely rough on me. I gave 300% into the relationship. I changed my money habits with Ceejay, I made promises and fulfilled them for her, and I put in my time with my life to make myself successful. So in essence, yes. I am a great person and I think that will play a role in my life sooner or later.
I pray every night. I ask God to make things good for me because only God knows what's best for us and no one else. Sometimes you think you know what's best for you, and something else happens and you don't understand why. But I won't lie. In my prayer, I fit in "I'm sorry God, but I just have to ask...... Please give me and Ceejay another shot. That's all I want right now. Please. I love her so much." Yea, weird but true. Whenever I think of God in respect with this situation, I get the most warm feeling I have because I just...have trust in God is what it really is. I can't explain it. But yea...it all ties in with happiness.
So, until then I want my friends to keep telling me "Keep ya head up, Anthony" and I want my family to be like "You're a strong person, so don't give up on yourself", and I want Angel to keep on taking me out to clubs and places, and I want Osh and Sarah to keep on making me laugh, and I want Gail and Shana to keep making me feel like I have two sisters, and I want my mom to keep on being an awsome mom, and I want Deshaun to keep on relating with me so that I don't feel alone in this, and most of all, I want Ceejay to be with me. But that last thing doesn't seem to be a reality so I'll keep on praying, and maybe one day the other things will override what I am going through.
Anthony Joseph Carella
...but none of that would really make things better. So what I WILL do, is be truthful and assign truth to my life. I'll be me, and that's all I can do until everything is alright. You know? L:ike, I'm a very determined, confident, sexy, intelligent, and energetic person with a very colorful personality. What else is there to do? Should I go jump off of a bridge and commit suicide? No, that would be selfish.
Today, I went out early in the morning to go take care of something. On my way back home, I was cross the street at 3rd avenue. I was J walking. I looked up half way through the street, and I saw a big U-Haul truck coming my way. I stopped for one instant...and I didn't want to move because I felt like that would take the pain away because I doubt that it would hurt more than what I'm going through, but at least I wouldn't feel that pain anymore.
And then I snapped out of it and finished crossing the street. Love is more important than dying and I can't be selfish to the people I care about. What people love you, you have to make sure you fulfill that obligation when everything is right. My friends and my family love me and they are here for me.
I love Ceejay more than anything in the world and that won't change. I know for a fact that I will always love her that much. But I can't force her to be with me, and I can't change the fact that she cheated on me. Regardless, I would take her back in a heartbeat if I had the chance because that's how much I love her. This is the way things work, and there isn't a thing I can do about it.
The past two days have been extremely hard for me. Hard like you wouldn't believe. I've went through so many emotions. I felt like a singularity was sucking all of my memories and emotions back at me. I laughed alot, and then I cried alot. I'm glad that I have people there to catch my tears for me. I wish it wasn't like this, but it is and I am dealing with it.
Am I a great guy? Sure I am. I wonder if it's bad that I know that. I mean, I'm a really good guy. Everything I do...EVERYTHING, has justification. Ceejay and I weren't really having problems before this whole thing happened, but things were building up. The past has been very rough on me. These past two months have been extremely rough on me. I gave 300% into the relationship. I changed my money habits with Ceejay, I made promises and fulfilled them for her, and I put in my time with my life to make myself successful. So in essence, yes. I am a great person and I think that will play a role in my life sooner or later.
I pray every night. I ask God to make things good for me because only God knows what's best for us and no one else. Sometimes you think you know what's best for you, and something else happens and you don't understand why. But I won't lie. In my prayer, I fit in "I'm sorry God, but I just have to ask...... Please give me and Ceejay another shot. That's all I want right now. Please. I love her so much." Yea, weird but true. Whenever I think of God in respect with this situation, I get the most warm feeling I have because I just...have trust in God is what it really is. I can't explain it. But yea...it all ties in with happiness.
So, until then I want my friends to keep telling me "Keep ya head up, Anthony" and I want my family to be like "You're a strong person, so don't give up on yourself", and I want Angel to keep on taking me out to clubs and places, and I want Osh and Sarah to keep on making me laugh, and I want Gail and Shana to keep making me feel like I have two sisters, and I want my mom to keep on being an awsome mom, and I want Deshaun to keep on relating with me so that I don't feel alone in this, and most of all, I want Ceejay to be with me. But that last thing doesn't seem to be a reality so I'll keep on praying, and maybe one day the other things will override what I am going through.
Anthony Joseph Carella