Toward the Future, Ch. 4
WTF, really? Et tu, LJ????
Now I'm just pissed. Damn. If you eat this entry, I'm giving up, you bastard. The internet is a back-stabbing ice-queen tonight. Disregard, fixed now LOL... my threats seem to have worked?
Chapter Four: Dealing (Or Not)
Author: Cayt
Rating: Pg-13, language and hints of violence?
Disclaimer: Still don’t own. Just playing with Tite Kubo’s wicked awesome toys, but they don’t get to come home with me. Sad day…
Notes: Okay, this chapter is slightly longer than the others (I think?) because of the long wait. I guess I just let myself get too caught up in the 'summer' feeling and forgot how to develop a work-ethic... A little introspective, but also some interaction here :) Also, the next couple of chapters shouldn't take too long... It's vaguely irritating, however, because I was effectively Jossed, only... Kubo'd? Close enough. The next couple of pieces I had lined up were titled 'Those Left Behind'--then, all of a sudden, out come chapters 364-366, and hmm, well, undermined my Risa POV... sorta.
So yeah! No worries, it only takes a bit of fixing and hacking, but I should have at least one more chapter ready to go very soonish, hopefully by the end of the week--next week I'm on vacation, with no internetz--sadness. On to ze chapter!
~*~
The one way Hirako Shinji can tell that something is wrong is by the fact that he isn’t hurt. He has no wounds-no bruises, no broken bones-which makes it all the more poignant that something isn’t right. Well, something beyond the obvious, anyway… Sarugaki hasn’t attacked him in days, not since they finally picked this damn place in the middle of nowhere. It’s not like there’s nothing else to pay attention to, though, so he almost doesn’t even notice.
When he does notice, however, the thought is downright unnerving. Forget the fact that everyone else is snappish and/or brooding-because this is something that no one knows how to react to, so it’s not like there is a guidebook for them to consult. At least back in Soul Society, they all knew how to act and behave themselves-theoretically, of course-but this is something completely different, and the fact that Hiyori has seemingly forgotten all about him
What the hell do you care? An increasingly-familiar voice demands, and Shinji sighs, running his hand down his face. The fact that you let a little girl beat on you is pathetic. You should have killed her a long time ago, taichou… but you’re just too fuckin’ pathetic.
Focusing for a moment, Shinji pushes that warped voice away, back into the dark recesses of his mind where it belongs. It takes only a small gap, a slight second of inattention, for the Hollow to rear its ugly head, voicing opinions that are completely distasteful… and often hidden somewhere deep within his mind. Over his long life, he’s had his share of inappropriate and shameful thoughts, most of which have proven to supply his Hollow with an ample supply of ammunition against him. The constant taunting voice in the back of his head is annoying, and yet they are still no closer to figuring out how to deal with this. He can’t even spar to relieve some of this tension anymore, not without the Hollow trying to seize control and kill everyone else around. It’s downright exasperating, not being able to do anything anymore…
Frustrated with the silence, with the stress, with just everything, Shinji strides over to his newly-coveted possession-the record player he has managed to convince Shihōin Yoruichi to pick up for him. He owes her more than a few favors, but it’s more than worth it; the sound of music calms him, helps him to focus past his own problems and just… relax. Sōsuke had never cared for it, and that only makes it all the better now, knowing that jazz is becoming more popular in the world outside and that he still enjoys it, with a vicious sort of vengeance.
As a matter of fact, Rose seems to have taken quite a liking to it as well. He comes over and sits with Shinji occasionally, listening to the sounds and commenting on random facts. They do everything within their power to avoid discussing what is going on, and it is relaxing in its own way.
~*~
Everyone has a voice inside their head, however much they may try to deny it; you are not crazy for hearing a voice inside your head, after all. A conscience whispers guiding, guilt-inducing advice at the edges of your awareness; temptation trails sultry, loving fingers over your actions and wants, nudging you toward things you may not need…
These voices, however, are intangible and omnipresent. Even the most conscientious, caring person has them… but some people’s inner voices are a little more… physical and prominent than others.
~*~
Sometimes, it’s almost impossible to shut that voice in the back of his mind up. As hard as he tries, Shinji just can’t dispel the sneering, distorted voice that sounds like a mockery of his own, and the voice only gets more insistent when he’s tired.
For the past few days, Hirako has been locked within the confines of the make-shift study, working with Urahara to come up with a solution to their problem. Unfortunately, there is no way to completely remove the Hollow from within the former shinigami, and Shinji is reluctant to reveal exactly how prominent the taunting being is within him.
He is also reluctant to ask the others just how prominent their own Hollows are, though he knows eventually, he is going to have to.
~*~
Deceptively slender and girlish fingers trace the woodgrain, swirling around and around in a knot in the floorboard. The whorl mirrors the way her life feels these days, swirling around and around and around, growing tighter and tighter as she is drawn to the center. Nothing is the same any more, and her life feels as if it is no longer in her control.
“Oi, Hiyori,” a voice calls, startling her out of her daze. She doesn’t react, however, instead staring at the floor. She’s in no mood to deal with Shinji-with any of them, really. She feels more alone these days than she has felt since Hikifune-taichou had left, even though she realizes that everyone else here has the same problem that she is having.
Hiyori pointedly shifts slightly, angling herself away from Hirako as he ambles closer. He tries to act like everything is fine, but she knows that’s light-years away from the truth. Nothing they’ve tried so far has made the slick, evil voice in the back of her mind fade; she knows she’s not exactly the light-and-rainbows-and-puppies type, but Sarugaki Hiyori is nowhere near this sadistic and evil.
“Ahhh, get up, midget,” Hirako calls impatiently, trying to rile her into a response. She tenses slightly, but beyond that forces herself to remain calm. She’s not going to give him what he wants… “Eh, is this one of those times when I need ta be serious?”
“Get. Lost,” she snarls, finally losing patience. All she wants is to think, but apparently she can’t even get that anymore without this bonehead bugging her all the time, following like he’s stalking her or concerned or something, and that’s just really creepy. “What do you want, idiot?”
“Well, yanno, you’ve been a lot quieter than usual,” Shinji says, and then, of course, opens his big mouth even further to stick his mouth in. “Are you finally realizing that girls aren’t supposed to attack people all the time?”
“Shut it, Baldy,” she snaps, turning to glare at him. “’Sides, maybe I just didn’t wanna see your ugly face-did you think of that?”
“Or you’ve just been listenin’ to that damn voice in your head too much,” Hirako says, voice low and dark-and uncannily insightful. Hiyori tenses again, even as Shinji’s sharp eyes pin her in place.
“I don’t know what it’s saying to you, but I have a pretty good idea,” he continues, tapping the side of his own head. It’s almost eerie, seeing the man actually being… serious. She knows that Hirako Shinji has his serious side, but that he hides it deeply. For a captain, he’s always been shockingly idiotic and immature, though it just makes it even more dangerous when he does get all serious and mature. It’s been a couple of weeks since their flight from Soul Society now, and while they are all still adjusting, this is the first time Shinji’s gotten deadly serious with her.
“If you know, then how do you shut it up?” Hiyori asks roughly, trying to pretend that there isn’t frustration in her voice. Thankfully, she’s not going to cry-she did enough of that earlier. The Hollow, of course, enjoyed it far too much, the hysterical joy and demented laughter making it even harder to keep her tears silent. Alarming the others wouldn’t have done any good, aside from just make everything worse.
“I don’t know,” Shinji admits, shrugging. “I ain’t givin’ up, though. We’re trying to figure this out-Kisuke’s got a pretty good head on his shoulders, yanno, so we’ll figure something out.”
Hiyori knows her captain; as much as she had disliked him, he was nothing if not loyal to his subordinates. Urahara had taken a particular shine to her though, always looking out for her, as much as she had hated it. Now, however, the thought that her crazy bastard of a captain is here is slightly reassuring; he’s just crazy enough that he’ll come up with something, hopefully.
“Yeah, whatever,” she replies, waving her hand dismissively. “Now c’mere. I wanna try something.”
“Like what?” Shinji asks warily. The fool wanders closer without waiting for an answer, and sits down before Hiyori even has to ask him. The sudden smirk on her face has him gaping in horror, however, even as she lunges. She has a half-second to realize that her fingers aren't quite so girlish when they're busy strangling Shinji, but that's okay, because she's trying to fix that problem in a roundabout way.
“Oi, what are ya doing? Get off, you crazy-“
“Shaddup, Shinji, I need ta know what shade of nail paint looks better!”
“How’m I s’pposed to help?” Shinji howls, alerting the others. “Ask Shihōin or Mashiro, not me! Stop twisting my arm like that, it doesn’t go that direction!”
“Then stop movin’!” Hiyori retorts, sensing Love coming running-just like always, he is the babysitter. She needs to be quicker, then-“Ah hah!”
“Nooooooo!”
Bein’ serious never really did suit Shinji, anyway, especially not when she can make him wail like a girl.
~*~
As always, drop a line, and lemme know what you think!
Now I'm just pissed. Damn. If you eat this entry, I'm giving up, you bastard. The internet is a back-stabbing ice-queen tonight. Disregard, fixed now LOL... my threats seem to have worked?
Chapter Four: Dealing (Or Not)
Author: Cayt
Rating: Pg-13, language and hints of violence?
Disclaimer: Still don’t own. Just playing with Tite Kubo’s wicked awesome toys, but they don’t get to come home with me. Sad day…
Notes: Okay, this chapter is slightly longer than the others (I think?) because of the long wait. I guess I just let myself get too caught up in the 'summer' feeling and forgot how to develop a work-ethic... A little introspective, but also some interaction here :) Also, the next couple of chapters shouldn't take too long... It's vaguely irritating, however, because I was effectively Jossed, only... Kubo'd? Close enough. The next couple of pieces I had lined up were titled 'Those Left Behind'--then, all of a sudden, out come chapters 364-366, and hmm, well, undermined my Risa POV... sorta.
So yeah! No worries, it only takes a bit of fixing and hacking, but I should have at least one more chapter ready to go very soonish, hopefully by the end of the week--next week I'm on vacation, with no internetz--sadness. On to ze chapter!
~*~
The one way Hirako Shinji can tell that something is wrong is by the fact that he isn’t hurt. He has no wounds-no bruises, no broken bones-which makes it all the more poignant that something isn’t right. Well, something beyond the obvious, anyway… Sarugaki hasn’t attacked him in days, not since they finally picked this damn place in the middle of nowhere. It’s not like there’s nothing else to pay attention to, though, so he almost doesn’t even notice.
When he does notice, however, the thought is downright unnerving. Forget the fact that everyone else is snappish and/or brooding-because this is something that no one knows how to react to, so it’s not like there is a guidebook for them to consult. At least back in Soul Society, they all knew how to act and behave themselves-theoretically, of course-but this is something completely different, and the fact that Hiyori has seemingly forgotten all about him
What the hell do you care? An increasingly-familiar voice demands, and Shinji sighs, running his hand down his face. The fact that you let a little girl beat on you is pathetic. You should have killed her a long time ago, taichou… but you’re just too fuckin’ pathetic.
Focusing for a moment, Shinji pushes that warped voice away, back into the dark recesses of his mind where it belongs. It takes only a small gap, a slight second of inattention, for the Hollow to rear its ugly head, voicing opinions that are completely distasteful… and often hidden somewhere deep within his mind. Over his long life, he’s had his share of inappropriate and shameful thoughts, most of which have proven to supply his Hollow with an ample supply of ammunition against him. The constant taunting voice in the back of his head is annoying, and yet they are still no closer to figuring out how to deal with this. He can’t even spar to relieve some of this tension anymore, not without the Hollow trying to seize control and kill everyone else around. It’s downright exasperating, not being able to do anything anymore…
Frustrated with the silence, with the stress, with just everything, Shinji strides over to his newly-coveted possession-the record player he has managed to convince Shihōin Yoruichi to pick up for him. He owes her more than a few favors, but it’s more than worth it; the sound of music calms him, helps him to focus past his own problems and just… relax. Sōsuke had never cared for it, and that only makes it all the better now, knowing that jazz is becoming more popular in the world outside and that he still enjoys it, with a vicious sort of vengeance.
As a matter of fact, Rose seems to have taken quite a liking to it as well. He comes over and sits with Shinji occasionally, listening to the sounds and commenting on random facts. They do everything within their power to avoid discussing what is going on, and it is relaxing in its own way.
~*~
Everyone has a voice inside their head, however much they may try to deny it; you are not crazy for hearing a voice inside your head, after all. A conscience whispers guiding, guilt-inducing advice at the edges of your awareness; temptation trails sultry, loving fingers over your actions and wants, nudging you toward things you may not need…
These voices, however, are intangible and omnipresent. Even the most conscientious, caring person has them… but some people’s inner voices are a little more… physical and prominent than others.
~*~
Sometimes, it’s almost impossible to shut that voice in the back of his mind up. As hard as he tries, Shinji just can’t dispel the sneering, distorted voice that sounds like a mockery of his own, and the voice only gets more insistent when he’s tired.
For the past few days, Hirako has been locked within the confines of the make-shift study, working with Urahara to come up with a solution to their problem. Unfortunately, there is no way to completely remove the Hollow from within the former shinigami, and Shinji is reluctant to reveal exactly how prominent the taunting being is within him.
He is also reluctant to ask the others just how prominent their own Hollows are, though he knows eventually, he is going to have to.
~*~
Deceptively slender and girlish fingers trace the woodgrain, swirling around and around in a knot in the floorboard. The whorl mirrors the way her life feels these days, swirling around and around and around, growing tighter and tighter as she is drawn to the center. Nothing is the same any more, and her life feels as if it is no longer in her control.
“Oi, Hiyori,” a voice calls, startling her out of her daze. She doesn’t react, however, instead staring at the floor. She’s in no mood to deal with Shinji-with any of them, really. She feels more alone these days than she has felt since Hikifune-taichou had left, even though she realizes that everyone else here has the same problem that she is having.
Hiyori pointedly shifts slightly, angling herself away from Hirako as he ambles closer. He tries to act like everything is fine, but she knows that’s light-years away from the truth. Nothing they’ve tried so far has made the slick, evil voice in the back of her mind fade; she knows she’s not exactly the light-and-rainbows-and-puppies type, but Sarugaki Hiyori is nowhere near this sadistic and evil.
“Ahhh, get up, midget,” Hirako calls impatiently, trying to rile her into a response. She tenses slightly, but beyond that forces herself to remain calm. She’s not going to give him what he wants… “Eh, is this one of those times when I need ta be serious?”
“Get. Lost,” she snarls, finally losing patience. All she wants is to think, but apparently she can’t even get that anymore without this bonehead bugging her all the time, following like he’s stalking her or concerned or something, and that’s just really creepy. “What do you want, idiot?”
“Well, yanno, you’ve been a lot quieter than usual,” Shinji says, and then, of course, opens his big mouth even further to stick his mouth in. “Are you finally realizing that girls aren’t supposed to attack people all the time?”
“Shut it, Baldy,” she snaps, turning to glare at him. “’Sides, maybe I just didn’t wanna see your ugly face-did you think of that?”
“Or you’ve just been listenin’ to that damn voice in your head too much,” Hirako says, voice low and dark-and uncannily insightful. Hiyori tenses again, even as Shinji’s sharp eyes pin her in place.
“I don’t know what it’s saying to you, but I have a pretty good idea,” he continues, tapping the side of his own head. It’s almost eerie, seeing the man actually being… serious. She knows that Hirako Shinji has his serious side, but that he hides it deeply. For a captain, he’s always been shockingly idiotic and immature, though it just makes it even more dangerous when he does get all serious and mature. It’s been a couple of weeks since their flight from Soul Society now, and while they are all still adjusting, this is the first time Shinji’s gotten deadly serious with her.
“If you know, then how do you shut it up?” Hiyori asks roughly, trying to pretend that there isn’t frustration in her voice. Thankfully, she’s not going to cry-she did enough of that earlier. The Hollow, of course, enjoyed it far too much, the hysterical joy and demented laughter making it even harder to keep her tears silent. Alarming the others wouldn’t have done any good, aside from just make everything worse.
“I don’t know,” Shinji admits, shrugging. “I ain’t givin’ up, though. We’re trying to figure this out-Kisuke’s got a pretty good head on his shoulders, yanno, so we’ll figure something out.”
Hiyori knows her captain; as much as she had disliked him, he was nothing if not loyal to his subordinates. Urahara had taken a particular shine to her though, always looking out for her, as much as she had hated it. Now, however, the thought that her crazy bastard of a captain is here is slightly reassuring; he’s just crazy enough that he’ll come up with something, hopefully.
“Yeah, whatever,” she replies, waving her hand dismissively. “Now c’mere. I wanna try something.”
“Like what?” Shinji asks warily. The fool wanders closer without waiting for an answer, and sits down before Hiyori even has to ask him. The sudden smirk on her face has him gaping in horror, however, even as she lunges. She has a half-second to realize that her fingers aren't quite so girlish when they're busy strangling Shinji, but that's okay, because she's trying to fix that problem in a roundabout way.
“Oi, what are ya doing? Get off, you crazy-“
“Shaddup, Shinji, I need ta know what shade of nail paint looks better!”
“How’m I s’pposed to help?” Shinji howls, alerting the others. “Ask Shihōin or Mashiro, not me! Stop twisting my arm like that, it doesn’t go that direction!”
“Then stop movin’!” Hiyori retorts, sensing Love coming running-just like always, he is the babysitter. She needs to be quicker, then-“Ah hah!”
“Nooooooo!”
Bein’ serious never really did suit Shinji, anyway, especially not when she can make him wail like a girl.
~*~
As always, drop a line, and lemme know what you think!