(no subject)
Wow, I have not updated in a loooooong time. I suppose it's because I don't really have much to discuss...my summer has been like a cd skipping over and over and over again....work, sleep, work, sleep, work sleep...then occasionally the skip will pass and you'll get a workout, meal, or night out once in awhile....Yeah. It's weird how slowly the end of May and June went by, but as soon as July hit -- poof! Summer has disappeared.
As much as I hated my job this summer, I'm really happy that I did it because it showed me that I will never, ever be able to work in a corporate environment. Ever. I honestly don't know or understand how people do that for years and years, I would probably go crazy. There's something about sitting at a desk all day, basking under the fluorescent lights, typing meaningless data into a computer whilst millions of people are doing the same exact thing that makes you feel worthless. I would sit in my desk all day, dreaming up all these stories, poems, ideas, and writings that made me feel so alive and human, and yet I was wasting my time sitting at a computer. It really made me realize how ridiculous the whole work concept can be...don't get me wrong, there are so many jobs with amazing potential, jobs that save the world, help people, and make life beautiful. But there are also jobs that completely zap any artisitic or creative potential in the human race. There are all these amazing, brilliant people out there, people with a secret passion for biology who could possibly discover a cure for AIDS, people who come home at night and paint that could be the next Van Gogh, and the like, but they opted out of their passions for a 401k and health benefits. What are we doing? Yes, we need banks, so I suppose that some of these things are necessary. But when I drive cross-state and see idential office building after office building, completely devoid of any indication of what actually goes on inside, I wonder if all these corporations, business, firms etc. are necessary; they are probably not. So why do they exist? I know the United States is a commerce-driven economy, but I just can't wrap my head around Corporate America. I can't help but be reminded of the quote in Fight Club where Tyler says "Why do we work jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need?" Blech.
I leave for Madison a week from Tuesday. Tuesday is my last day of work, so I have a week to prepare for the big move. Although living in an apartment complex almost completely occupied by sophomores is very similar to living in the dorms, I can't help but think about what a big step it is to be moving into my own apartment. Although I'm exponentially more excited, I'm still slightly scared. It keeps ocurring to me that this is the last time I will be really living at home. Sure, I will return for short breaks or weekends, but my life will remain in Madison. My parents are renovating the house in preparation to sell it because they have too much room, and will soon be moving to a smaller house in Riverside or Burr Ridge, or will just pack up and move to Florida permanently. So where does that leave me? I don't feel homeless, but I feel almost as if I have no home. I'm not sure if that makes sense out loud, but it makes sense to me. Working so much this summer has given me a lot of time to just relax and reflect on things and how much has changed since I was 14. I don't feel like a kid anymore, but I sure as hell don't feel like an adult. It's almost as if I'm missing this vital piece of information, this final step in growing up, and I have no idea what it is. There is something big on the horizon, and only a new day will reveal what it is...
As much as I hated my job this summer, I'm really happy that I did it because it showed me that I will never, ever be able to work in a corporate environment. Ever. I honestly don't know or understand how people do that for years and years, I would probably go crazy. There's something about sitting at a desk all day, basking under the fluorescent lights, typing meaningless data into a computer whilst millions of people are doing the same exact thing that makes you feel worthless. I would sit in my desk all day, dreaming up all these stories, poems, ideas, and writings that made me feel so alive and human, and yet I was wasting my time sitting at a computer. It really made me realize how ridiculous the whole work concept can be...don't get me wrong, there are so many jobs with amazing potential, jobs that save the world, help people, and make life beautiful. But there are also jobs that completely zap any artisitic or creative potential in the human race. There are all these amazing, brilliant people out there, people with a secret passion for biology who could possibly discover a cure for AIDS, people who come home at night and paint that could be the next Van Gogh, and the like, but they opted out of their passions for a 401k and health benefits. What are we doing? Yes, we need banks, so I suppose that some of these things are necessary. But when I drive cross-state and see idential office building after office building, completely devoid of any indication of what actually goes on inside, I wonder if all these corporations, business, firms etc. are necessary; they are probably not. So why do they exist? I know the United States is a commerce-driven economy, but I just can't wrap my head around Corporate America. I can't help but be reminded of the quote in Fight Club where Tyler says "Why do we work jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need?" Blech.
I leave for Madison a week from Tuesday. Tuesday is my last day of work, so I have a week to prepare for the big move. Although living in an apartment complex almost completely occupied by sophomores is very similar to living in the dorms, I can't help but think about what a big step it is to be moving into my own apartment. Although I'm exponentially more excited, I'm still slightly scared. It keeps ocurring to me that this is the last time I will be really living at home. Sure, I will return for short breaks or weekends, but my life will remain in Madison. My parents are renovating the house in preparation to sell it because they have too much room, and will soon be moving to a smaller house in Riverside or Burr Ridge, or will just pack up and move to Florida permanently. So where does that leave me? I don't feel homeless, but I feel almost as if I have no home. I'm not sure if that makes sense out loud, but it makes sense to me. Working so much this summer has given me a lot of time to just relax and reflect on things and how much has changed since I was 14. I don't feel like a kid anymore, but I sure as hell don't feel like an adult. It's almost as if I'm missing this vital piece of information, this final step in growing up, and I have no idea what it is. There is something big on the horizon, and only a new day will reveal what it is...