(no subject)
im doing good in school. ever since i quit my job i get more rest. been working out at school. i maxed on deadlifts at 295. but im not strong enough. i wanna get stronger.
lately my anger has been getting worse. i feel like its all building up and im going to lose it. i dont know why, lately at times i just burst out wanting to hit something or someone. i ask god for strength to not hurt anyone. i wanna say fuck friends but the second im without them i feel empty. the weight room lately has become my only source of enjoyment. i cant drive my old car, when i go out i come home feeling like the night was wasted. hanging out with my friends feels so empty cuz i keep looking for something more. i keep lifting, and it makes me happy. im doubling up the volume on thurs and friday turning them into hypertrophy days and turning monday and tuesday into power days. im not going to give up in life. if i cant get my happiness through love or friends then ill have to use weights. im not giving up this time. no matter how much it hurts, im going to try and hold my head up high.
i remember when i started this thing, it was all about girls. damn i remember a time when the thought of having a g/f made me smile. now i just to smile. a real smile. unfortunately i feel like i keep screwing up with the right person and finding myself taking 2 steps forward and 10 back till the point that i know we will stop talking, one day, itll be permanent.
im basically lost and i gotta find myself.
lately my anger has been getting worse. i feel like its all building up and im going to lose it. i dont know why, lately at times i just burst out wanting to hit something or someone. i ask god for strength to not hurt anyone. i wanna say fuck friends but the second im without them i feel empty. the weight room lately has become my only source of enjoyment. i cant drive my old car, when i go out i come home feeling like the night was wasted. hanging out with my friends feels so empty cuz i keep looking for something more. i keep lifting, and it makes me happy. im doubling up the volume on thurs and friday turning them into hypertrophy days and turning monday and tuesday into power days. im not going to give up in life. if i cant get my happiness through love or friends then ill have to use weights. im not giving up this time. no matter how much it hurts, im going to try and hold my head up high.
i remember when i started this thing, it was all about girls. damn i remember a time when the thought of having a g/f made me smile. now i just to smile. a real smile. unfortunately i feel like i keep screwing up with the right person and finding myself taking 2 steps forward and 10 back till the point that i know we will stop talking, one day, itll be permanent.
im basically lost and i gotta find myself.