Sep 21, 2005 17:28
I haven't written in so long. I feel like I'm bursting at the seams to just let some of my pent up frustration loose, but I think I'll save it for another day. I keep finding my self lost in my own misery, which is really discomforting. If I can't make me smile, then who can? I've just been having money issues, and boyfriend issues. Personal issues. I don't know. Maybe I'm just pmsing, or maybe theres a knife that keeps stabbing at my open wound and just won't give it up.
I'm tired of spending money.
I can't sleep at night because he snores, but I can't sleep with out him. So I make him stay up until I pass out, which isn't a big issue... He's more of a night owl, and since I get up at 5 on week days, I go to bed early. I'm an old lady. He thinks I'm boring. Wait til he starts working.. mother fucker. lol.
I have a really bad tummy ache. I think I drank too much coffee today.
When I see random things like kids skateboarding I wonder about his honesty. When he told me he was skateboarding, did that really mean he was cheating on me?? TIME FRAMES!! Thats all I have to go off of, the TIME FRAMES! I think back on the times, and it all fits together nicely.
I'm fucking paranoid.
Maybe I've been thinking too often of death? Maybe I'm feeling old feelings of past hopes that have been lost in my MEANINGLESS future. What the FUCK is the point of my exisitance. I think I'm morbid because I don't want to exist anymore. I don't want to fucking expose myself to anything or anyone anymore. I think I'm going to fucking fall flat on my face, and stay there. Maybe thats where I truely belong.
I'm a sucker for drama these days.
Felicia