(no subject)
I suppose some what of an explaination would be polite, given that I've practically fallen off of the face of the planet.
I've noticed a few things. By removing myself from a situation and minding my own business, (and several other times, requesting that be the case,) to avoid drama, I was considered dramatic. I think that perhaps the word drama, is all in the eye of the beholder. I do not want to hear about other people's lives if I don't care about it. I don't care about who's dating who, what they're doing, what their exes have done, what happened at what restaraunt or so and so's house. I don't want to participate in coversations about that sort of thing. Nor do I want my life to be discussed in any of those conversations. I don't see how it's so much to ask for that I don't want to be a part of that. I never said I wanted to stop talking to anyone. But if it comes down to the fact that if the only thing that's there to discuss is other people's business, then perhaps there won't be much conversation. I consider drama to be the gossip that circulates around. None of these situations themselves would be much of a problem to anyone other than the people directly invovled if the story wasn't passed on through a chain of people until everyone felt that they had to become involved. The people and those close to them. That's it. Not their friend's boyfriend's friend's brother's girlfriend's cousin's friend.
If being dramatic is wanting to be left out of gossip and silly situations that won't matter two weeks from now, consider me the most dramatic person you know. However, as I said earlier, I define drama differently, and within my definition of drama, I am chosing to be left out of it, not creating it.
I'm doing my best right now, and I know several other people from this area who have chosen to do the same thing, to keep my life focused on myself. I'm focusing on getting a job sorted out, I'm focusing on attending Mildred-Elley in October. I'm focusing on figuring out a living situation. I'm focusing on finding the daily money to put gas in my car and cigarettes in my mouth and food in my tummy. This has become hard to do but I'm only accepting financial help from my family at this point. I never ask for financial help and it got thrown in my face when I did, proving that if you ask someone for help, they will use it against you at some point. So enough of that. I know that my family will never make me feel like a mooch because I ask for money occasionally. They know that I offer endless help when they need it and always pay them back.
So for now, my life is about me. When I remove that focus I get caught up in everything around me. There are people in my life right now who have no problem with that decision. Those people are there for me when I need them and I can confide in them without any judgement or discussion with others.
I've been accused of thinking that I'm better than everyone else lately, which really isn't the case. If you know me at all, you know that I would never think of myself in those terms. I don't consider myself any better or worse than anyone else. I consider myself different. And I'm not saying that in a "oh I'm so unique" way... I'm saying that in a way that my thought process, my preferred lifestyle and my preferred privacy is very different than many others in this area. So for the record, I don't think that I'm better than you, your best friend, your mom, your cousin, your dog, your boyfriend, your griflriend or your imaginary friend.
No, in the long run, and even the not-so-long run, I don't want to stay in this area. I'm not from it and I never intended to be. I've lived in several different states and many different cities/towns etc.., and this is my least favorite place. The people here are rich, spoiled, selfish and ignorant. This place destroys people on a surprising level. I'm glad that I've been relatively unaffected by it.
I don't like the fact that I get dirty looks everywhere I go for standing up for myself and/or choosing not to participate in a certain way of life. That's something that I personally don't appreciate. When it comes down to it, I have been nothing but kind to most of these people but because they listen to rumors and distorted versions of converstaions and get into things that are not their business, they have passed judgement on me. Most of the people in this area hardly know me and have for a long time considered me an arrogant bitch because I don't live my life the same way that they live theirs.
So for this, and multiple other reasons, I've chosen to remove myself from everything for the most part. If I trust you and you've respected me and my decisions, I've most likely explained all of this to you and you understand it. But I know that that, unfortunately, doesn't apply to many people anymore. I can honestly say, that I wish it did and that I would have liked it if a lot of things had worked out differently. But they didn't and that's life. Move on, keep going, strive and succeed. I'm very happy with my family, the person I love and my few good friends at the moment. I don't need popularity, money or material possessions. I'm happy with what I have and I'm dertimined to fulfill my wishes andg goals. I feel lucky that no one can interfere with that unless I choose to let them. And by doing this, I'm not letting that happen. I cherish what I have and what I am and itend to keep doing just that.
I've noticed a few things. By removing myself from a situation and minding my own business, (and several other times, requesting that be the case,) to avoid drama, I was considered dramatic. I think that perhaps the word drama, is all in the eye of the beholder. I do not want to hear about other people's lives if I don't care about it. I don't care about who's dating who, what they're doing, what their exes have done, what happened at what restaraunt or so and so's house. I don't want to participate in coversations about that sort of thing. Nor do I want my life to be discussed in any of those conversations. I don't see how it's so much to ask for that I don't want to be a part of that. I never said I wanted to stop talking to anyone. But if it comes down to the fact that if the only thing that's there to discuss is other people's business, then perhaps there won't be much conversation. I consider drama to be the gossip that circulates around. None of these situations themselves would be much of a problem to anyone other than the people directly invovled if the story wasn't passed on through a chain of people until everyone felt that they had to become involved. The people and those close to them. That's it. Not their friend's boyfriend's friend's brother's girlfriend's cousin's friend.
If being dramatic is wanting to be left out of gossip and silly situations that won't matter two weeks from now, consider me the most dramatic person you know. However, as I said earlier, I define drama differently, and within my definition of drama, I am chosing to be left out of it, not creating it.
I'm doing my best right now, and I know several other people from this area who have chosen to do the same thing, to keep my life focused on myself. I'm focusing on getting a job sorted out, I'm focusing on attending Mildred-Elley in October. I'm focusing on figuring out a living situation. I'm focusing on finding the daily money to put gas in my car and cigarettes in my mouth and food in my tummy. This has become hard to do but I'm only accepting financial help from my family at this point. I never ask for financial help and it got thrown in my face when I did, proving that if you ask someone for help, they will use it against you at some point. So enough of that. I know that my family will never make me feel like a mooch because I ask for money occasionally. They know that I offer endless help when they need it and always pay them back.
So for now, my life is about me. When I remove that focus I get caught up in everything around me. There are people in my life right now who have no problem with that decision. Those people are there for me when I need them and I can confide in them without any judgement or discussion with others.
I've been accused of thinking that I'm better than everyone else lately, which really isn't the case. If you know me at all, you know that I would never think of myself in those terms. I don't consider myself any better or worse than anyone else. I consider myself different. And I'm not saying that in a "oh I'm so unique" way... I'm saying that in a way that my thought process, my preferred lifestyle and my preferred privacy is very different than many others in this area. So for the record, I don't think that I'm better than you, your best friend, your mom, your cousin, your dog, your boyfriend, your griflriend or your imaginary friend.
No, in the long run, and even the not-so-long run, I don't want to stay in this area. I'm not from it and I never intended to be. I've lived in several different states and many different cities/towns etc.., and this is my least favorite place. The people here are rich, spoiled, selfish and ignorant. This place destroys people on a surprising level. I'm glad that I've been relatively unaffected by it.
I don't like the fact that I get dirty looks everywhere I go for standing up for myself and/or choosing not to participate in a certain way of life. That's something that I personally don't appreciate. When it comes down to it, I have been nothing but kind to most of these people but because they listen to rumors and distorted versions of converstaions and get into things that are not their business, they have passed judgement on me. Most of the people in this area hardly know me and have for a long time considered me an arrogant bitch because I don't live my life the same way that they live theirs.
So for this, and multiple other reasons, I've chosen to remove myself from everything for the most part. If I trust you and you've respected me and my decisions, I've most likely explained all of this to you and you understand it. But I know that that, unfortunately, doesn't apply to many people anymore. I can honestly say, that I wish it did and that I would have liked it if a lot of things had worked out differently. But they didn't and that's life. Move on, keep going, strive and succeed. I'm very happy with my family, the person I love and my few good friends at the moment. I don't need popularity, money or material possessions. I'm happy with what I have and I'm dertimined to fulfill my wishes andg goals. I feel lucky that no one can interfere with that unless I choose to let them. And by doing this, I'm not letting that happen. I cherish what I have and what I am and itend to keep doing just that.