I am ready to fly, but solo?
yes, I abandoned my Live Journal, but it's pretty and I have time at work now, to be coming back to it. Arashi is rather gone from my life, though with good feelings and head full of memories and some friends left.
I'm still in Taiwan, still solo, not studying but working now, and... and I don't know. I am such a different person I guess. Different and the same. On so many levels.
And next week I'm going to China! Who would thought. Sometimes I wish I could go back to my high-school times and tell myself about all those amazing places I've been to, and dreams that came true, so that I wouldn't be such a pesimist for my late teenage years. But then, if the depression didn't make me an adult, would I be here? Would I make those dreams come true? Would I visit all those exotic places?
Still, I feel that the price of all this is my loneliness. The lack of any romantic life in last 9 years. 9 years! 9!!! So don't blame me for whining that I will always be single, don't tell me, the sea is plenty of fish, that one day, one guy, just wait... I've waited 9 years, impatiently. Do you like the "waiting" feeling? Do you know how hard it is to just wait? Yet, I have done that for 9 years. I've lost most of my hope. The only hope comes from the knowledge that dreams do come true, few of them did for me. But never about love. Only once, 9 years ago, for 5 days, then it burst. So, really, I do think I will end up alone, and I am trying to get used to this idea, I am trying to objectify the longing so that it will be easier. It cannot be totally easy, but I have my progress already... there are just days, moments... when it all falls down, but then I need to build it up again, with the help of friends, family, God and the world's beauty.
Heh, I did not plan to write that at all... but it came out. Because spring is here, so the walls of the cell that I locked my loneliness in are cracking a little. But I will hold them up~ practice makes a master. I've practiced 9 years already.
Maybe I will write here some more from now on... will see~
Muka
I'm still in Taiwan, still solo, not studying but working now, and... and I don't know. I am such a different person I guess. Different and the same. On so many levels.
And next week I'm going to China! Who would thought. Sometimes I wish I could go back to my high-school times and tell myself about all those amazing places I've been to, and dreams that came true, so that I wouldn't be such a pesimist for my late teenage years. But then, if the depression didn't make me an adult, would I be here? Would I make those dreams come true? Would I visit all those exotic places?
Still, I feel that the price of all this is my loneliness. The lack of any romantic life in last 9 years. 9 years! 9!!! So don't blame me for whining that I will always be single, don't tell me, the sea is plenty of fish, that one day, one guy, just wait... I've waited 9 years, impatiently. Do you like the "waiting" feeling? Do you know how hard it is to just wait? Yet, I have done that for 9 years. I've lost most of my hope. The only hope comes from the knowledge that dreams do come true, few of them did for me. But never about love. Only once, 9 years ago, for 5 days, then it burst. So, really, I do think I will end up alone, and I am trying to get used to this idea, I am trying to objectify the longing so that it will be easier. It cannot be totally easy, but I have my progress already... there are just days, moments... when it all falls down, but then I need to build it up again, with the help of friends, family, God and the world's beauty.
Heh, I did not plan to write that at all... but it came out. Because spring is here, so the walls of the cell that I locked my loneliness in are cracking a little. But I will hold them up~ practice makes a master. I've practiced 9 years already.
Maybe I will write here some more from now on... will see~
Muka