The Innocence of Youth
Apropos of nothing, anecdata from my childhood:
Shortly after I learned to walk, my parents awoke to the joy of my smiling face every day - no later than 5 in the morning. "HI!" I would shout, and then pound off merrily to do something mildly fiendish.
It turned out that I was being woken up by the sound of the newspaper hitting the door, and also explains why I have no trouble getting up at obscene hours now.
I only vaguely remember this one, but my parents have retold it many times. I was about three, and I was in the car with them. At this point, they thought I could not yet read. Imagine their surprise when I looked out the window, squinted at the sign for a business across the street and, after a couple of seconds, proclaimed: "MURR LUB!"
I understood that the E in Lube is silent, but I had no clue what Mr. stood for.
When I was four or five, I was a huge fan of Amelia Bedelia books. For those who don't know, they're essentially about a woman who takes - and says - everything absolutely literally. One page in particular, Amelia is asked about a man's job. She says he's a "loafer."
The other person says something along the lines of, "So he does nothing?"
(For the irony alone: "Oh, no!" Amelia responds. "He's a baker!")
So there I was with a new word. And a couple of days later, we had guests for dinner. My father announced that he was no longer employed (going freelance).
Not knowing any better, I said, "So you're a loafer now?"
That was the only time I was ever spanked, and I couldn't sit right for quite a while.
On my fifth birthday, I decided that I should dress myself in a pink and orange tutu and go to school in it. My mother asked why I wanted to wear it.
I responded that it was my birthday suit.
When I was in primary school, about every other night, my parents would hear from my room a gigantic WHAM. They would run upstairs to see what had happened and find that I had rolled out of bed onto the floor...
...and remained fast asleep.
I'm sure I'll remember more later.
Shortly after I learned to walk, my parents awoke to the joy of my smiling face every day - no later than 5 in the morning. "HI!" I would shout, and then pound off merrily to do something mildly fiendish.
It turned out that I was being woken up by the sound of the newspaper hitting the door, and also explains why I have no trouble getting up at obscene hours now.
I only vaguely remember this one, but my parents have retold it many times. I was about three, and I was in the car with them. At this point, they thought I could not yet read. Imagine their surprise when I looked out the window, squinted at the sign for a business across the street and, after a couple of seconds, proclaimed: "MURR LUB!"
I understood that the E in Lube is silent, but I had no clue what Mr. stood for.
When I was four or five, I was a huge fan of Amelia Bedelia books. For those who don't know, they're essentially about a woman who takes - and says - everything absolutely literally. One page in particular, Amelia is asked about a man's job. She says he's a "loafer."
The other person says something along the lines of, "So he does nothing?"
(For the irony alone: "Oh, no!" Amelia responds. "He's a baker!")
So there I was with a new word. And a couple of days later, we had guests for dinner. My father announced that he was no longer employed (going freelance).
Not knowing any better, I said, "So you're a loafer now?"
That was the only time I was ever spanked, and I couldn't sit right for quite a while.
On my fifth birthday, I decided that I should dress myself in a pink and orange tutu and go to school in it. My mother asked why I wanted to wear it.
I responded that it was my birthday suit.
When I was in primary school, about every other night, my parents would hear from my room a gigantic WHAM. They would run upstairs to see what had happened and find that I had rolled out of bed onto the floor...
...and remained fast asleep.
I'm sure I'll remember more later.