Easier to Forgive Than Forget
‘I can’t forgive you.’
She watched as he stood at the street corner, waiting for the light to change so that he could cross. He chewed on the nail of his left ring finger, a look of annoyance on his face. The light changed before he was ready and some of the surround people bumped into him as they hurried to cross before traffic resumed flowing.
He scowled to himself as he perhaps bit the calloused skin on his finger before jabbing his hands roughly into the pockets of his faded blue jeans. The crisp winter air should have forced him to wear a coat like the others in the crowd, but he didn’t seem to notice.
At the end of the block he paused and jogged across the street, just barely being hit by a quickly approaching taxi.
‘You don’t deserve to be forgiven.’
A smile appeared on his face and she shrunk further back.
‘You shouldn’t be happy.’
In front of him stood a girl with dark hair held back by a maroon headband. His arm wrapped around her shoulder and they took off down the avenue, his lips brushing against her ear as he whispered some words that made her giggle.
Rei stood frozen in place, her arms wrapped tightly around herself. She felt cold standing out in the open, but she doubted that she would feel warm even if it were summertime. A hand tugged some tendrils of her hair and she looked over her shoulder to see Minako standing behind her, a serene look on her face. Her lips were pulled into a soft smile, but her eyes clearly showed the inner turmoil within.
“Don’t look at me like that,” she said reproachfully.
“It doesn’t have to be this way.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Rei responded indignantly, spinning on her heel to walk in the opposite direction of the couple she had been watching. Minako reached out and grabbed Rei’s hand, holding it tightly as they walked side-by-side on the sidewalk. People gave them looks of disapproval, both girls being too old to hold hands like so. “I don’t want to hear about how you are the goddess of love. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a title that you made up.”
“It’s fortunate that I know that it’s not me that you’re really mad at,” Minako said simply, her voice quiet and restrained.
“I don’t care about him.”
“I know.”
Rei pulled her hand free from Minako and continued at her brisk pace.
Minako grabbed Rei’s arm and spun her so that they stood nose to nose, neither girl caring about the stares they were surely receiving. “It’s easier for you to hate him than to love him. But I see you. You need to forgive him so that you can forgive yourself.” Minako kissed her friend on the cheek and walked away, disappearing into the thick crowd.
‘I shouldn’t be happy.’
The thought tore at her painfully.
‘I don’t deserve to be forgiven.’
She could still see his form entangled in flames tinted blue, his features melting until she no longer could tell that it was ever a man let alone him. For one brief moment though, she could see those blue eyes looking at her. They were the same blue eyes that had once loved her. The same blue eyes that had sworn he would belong to her until the end of time.
‘I can’t forgive myself.’