Putting One's Foot in One's Own Mouth
Author's Notes: So I was trying to write a Sex & the City theme in response to venusorbit1 and lovelylytton but this is what I ended up with....But I did incorporate the song "Put it in your Mouth" by Akinyele! So at least I accomplished part of my goal....
“Tell them, tell them, tell them!” Usagi urged a heavily blushing Minako.
Makoto laughed at the overly exuberant blonde who was grinning like a Cheshire cat and the exceedingly flustered blonde who sat beside her staring into her coffee cup as if she thought she might be able to crawl into there and pull on the lid behind her.
Rei rolled her eyes at Usagi’s childish actions. “No one really wants to hear this story,” she sighed, pouring more sugar into her drink. But everyone present at the table knew that she was secretly brimming with the same insatiable curiosity even though she would never admit it.
Ami’s cheeks tinged pink as she looked up. “Actually, I kind of want to hear this….”
Minako groaned and dropped her forehead onto the table.
“I’ll tell it then!” Usagi was practically jumping out of her seat with excitement now. “So Mina was dancing around completely naked -.”
“Stop!” Minako screeched, her body bolting upright. Patrons of the trendy coffee shop looked at her curiously, but most continued on with their conversations as if nothing had happened. “That is not how it happened.” She relaxed back in her seat after pausing to swipe Makoto’s coffee and making a sour face at the bitterness of the plain black coffee. No one ever understood the mystery of how someone with such a culinary talent could enjoy the most boring form of coffee imaginable.
“I had just gotten out of the shower,” Minako sighed, beginning the embarrassing tale. “I was listening to my ipod and this song that I haven’t heard in a really long-ish time came on….”
Usagi giggled behind her hand. “Get to the good part.”
“I just got out of the shower and I was on my way to check on the yummy dinner that Makoto had dropped off earlier….”
“How did that work out by the way?” Makoto asked, perking up.
“Well, it’s funny that you ask,” Minako answered with pink cheeks, happy for the interruption.
“Oh we’ll get to the dinner part next,” Usagi said wickedly. “So continue, Minako.”
“Really, I was just singing along - it’s not that interesting.
“And what happened while you were singing?”
“Kai and his parents arrived.”
“And what happened when you realized that you had an audience.”
“I was startled - it’s not my fault that the towel fell down, or that they were early. I mean come on - who comes early to my house? As if that could ever happen!”
“You flashed his parents?” Rei asked in disbelief.
Minako proceeded to pour copious amounts of sugar into Makoto’s confiscated coffee so that she would not have to look up at her raven haired friend who never had things like this happen to her.
“What did they say?” Makoto asked. Ami’s mouth was very delicately hanging open at the thought.
Usagi giggled. “Go ahead, Mina,” she said in her sing song voice. “Tell them what they said….”
Minako’s face was bright red by now as she mumbled something incomprehensible in response.
Usagi looked up at the girls as the grin on her face stretched so far that it looked as though her skin could stretch no more. “Kai’s father said ‘Good job, son!’ and began to enthusiastically pat him on the back!”
“Oh, Mina,” Ami responded with compassion, although at the same time she was thinking to herself that she was glad it wasn’t her that this happened to.
“Oh we’re not done yet,” Usagi continued. “Most people know when they’ve reached rock bottom….but not Mina. Rather than pull up her towel and continue on to the kitchen, she locked herself in the bathroom until the fire alarm started to go off.”
“My dinner?!” Makoto shrieked in a horrified voice.
Minako’s face had somehow become even redder. “Mamoru was able to put out the flames before the firefighters arrived. And it still tasted good - maybe it was a little crispy and only the very center was edible.” The blonde face flopped into the table, muffled sounds escaping from her. All eyes watched her carefully trying to decide if she was laughing or crying.
“I suppose it could always be worse,” Ami tried to offer consolingly while gesturing at Usagi to stop laughing.
“How so?” Minako asked despairingly. “Kai’s parents think that I’m a slut because I walk around my apartment in a towel when I know that people are coming over, then they saw me naked, then I nearly set my kitchen on fire and ruined dinner, and all the while I had Usagi and Mamoru sitting across from me laughing all night long. It’s not fair that he and Kai have been friends since they were kids and so were invited by Kai’s parents when they ran into him just for the sole purpose of him being able to laugh at me….”
Rei snorted and Minako looked up at her dolefully. “Oh please,” she started, “Usagi shouldn’t be laughing at anyone.” Usagi immediately stopped laughing and looked at Rei in terror. “Remember when we were in high school and your parents caught you singing the chorus of that dirty song of yours. How does it go, Usagi?” she asked wickedly. “Something about “just put it in my mouth, in my mother-fucking mouth.” Rei paused to casually sip her coffee. “How long was it before you were allowed to see Mamoru again? I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure that even Pluto was concerned about the existence of Crystal Tokyo at that point….”
Minako’s jaw fell open in shock. “You told me that you were in trouble because you got caught sneaking out.”
“You,” Makoto spoke up, “told me that you were grounded for breaking dishes in your mom’s kitchen.”
“I thought your parents were angry because of your grades,” Ami spoke up.
All eyes turned to Rei. “The great fire told me everything,” she laughed almost wickedly.