Pt10. The Three Words That Count
Continued from: An Explanation if You Please
Mina sat on the plush couch clad in a pair of light gray sweats, a pillow held tightly in front of her. Across from her sat Kunzite, his large frame filling the stylish beige chair. Neither had spoken very many words, but then again they had become accustomed to these prolonged silences.
She hadn’t even intended to speak with him, but Usagi had been insistent, letting him in while Mina had been sleeping. When she finally woke up and wandered out into the living room, she had been quite shocked to find him waiting for her - perhaps even a little uncomfortable at being faced with the confrontation that she had been so readily avoiding. As she took a step back to retreat from the room she was effectively stopped as he called out her name and said the three words that she never thought she would hear from him - ‘I was wrong.’ There was vindication in that statement, although she wasn’t sure that she could accept his attempt at an apology. As much as it pained her, he had always been perfect - a man of few words and also of few apologies. So maybe that was why it felt almost…wrong to hear his confession now.
Rather than rush her, he allowed her to watch him, her mouth poised as if to speak knowing that he deserved whatever response she gave him. But she never spoke, just stood as still as a statue like the perfect warrior that she was. The depths of emotions in her eyes told him that she had changed more than he would have wanted to believe. She was still the same Minako that he had known - her heart brazenly wore on her sleeve - although now that same heart was so visibly broken that it took all that he had to not instantly react.
In her mind, they had had this conversation several times - each time with a different outcome. Sometimes she ran into his arms, sometimes he to hers, and the other times usually involved him walking out the front door either of his or her choosing. It had been no easier when she parted ways with Motoki, although she knew that it wasn’t right for him to stay with her when she couldn’t completely give herself to him.
Both girls turned their attention to the knocking on the door, Mina holding her breath and squeezing Usagi’s hand as it opened to reveal the entrant.
He took in the sad expressions on the faces of the two girls before clearing his throat and speaking. “Usagi,” he said, “can you give Mina and me a moment alone?”
Usagi nodded her head and left the room without looking back to Mina, knowing that there was little she could do to help her friend. Motoki entered the room and walked to Mina’s beside, gently taking her hands in his and brushing his lips across her knuckles. Mina sucked in her breath at the gesture. He loved her - it was obvious. If she apologized he would accept it. He would allow her to make this mistake and he would never bring it up to her again. He would never tell her not to see Kunzite again, he would never accuse her of infidelity again. He would just be there and love her. She couldn’t allow him to. Kunzite would never let her make a mistake - he would push her to do the right thing.
Minako slipped one hand from Motoki’s and wrapped it around his, trying to stop her hands from shaking. Without looking up to meet his forgiving eyes she slipped the ring from her finger and placed it into his hand, closing his fist around the small gold band. This was the right thing to do, she told herself. As much as she did love him, she just didn’t love him enough.
She could feel her palms itching as she remembered the sensation of him placing the ring back into her hand before leaving the room. The brief look that he gave her still haunted her perhaps as much so as the way Kunzite had looked at her as he told her to leave his apartment. How could she be angry at either man when it was her that had been less than honest with each? Why couldn’t Kunzite have come back to her sooner? Why couldn’t she have just been honest with him from the beginning? Because he still would have rejected her, that’s why, a nasty little voice said to her. He still would have told her to do the right thing. Although at least then there wouldn’t have been a baby involved. A sharp pain set into her chest as she, for more times that she could remember in the past few days, thought of the small life that had been lost because of her own body’s rejection. The doctors had told her that there was a small chance that they would be able to re-implant the fetus so that it would have a chance at life and, as small of a chance as it was, she had opted to take it. Unfortunately within a couple of days she lost the baby anyway which only served to further open the already too deep wounds.
The itch in her palm quickly started spreading through her body, the need to move, to not sit in silence any longer, overtaking her. She jumped up from the couch, the pillow that had been resting in her lap fell to the floor. Kunzite’s eyes followed her movements, so sharp and alert that it almost unnerved her.
He rose from his chair and took a step towards her, intending to comfort her from whatever it was that caused her to start. His hand was nearly to her arm before she jumped just out of his reach.
“Don’t touch me. I don’t want - I’m not ready for you to touch me,” she corrected herself, casting her eyes away from his. Even though their eye contact had been brief, it was still long enough for her to see the hurt in his eyes.
“I won’t touch you,” he said putting his hands up as a peace offering. “I want to make things right by you.”
She couldn’t stop the swell of anger that welled up in her and lashed out at him. “’Make things right by you’,” she quoted him. “Is that why you came here? To see if I would forgive you so that you could move on? Maybe to alleviate the small amount of guilt that you’ve placed on yourself?” She stepped closer to him and pressed her finger so hard against his chest that she could minutely feel a jab of pain surging down her knuckle. “You don’t get to show up after a few weeks telling me that you are sorry and expecting everything to be ok. You don’t get to walk away as if nothing happened so that you can get on with your life.” Tears pushed into her eyes making her feel even angrier that he was seeing her at her weakest. “I should hate you,” she said spitefully, her insides churning at saying such a horrible thing to him as he visibly flinched.
It wasn’t the harshness of her words that he heard, it was the meaning behind her words that made him recoil, giving him a slight feeling of hope. She said that she should hate him, not that she actually hated him. As angry as she was, maybe there was still reasoning with her. Without giving it any further thought, he placed his hand over the offending finger digging into his chest, now trapping her entire palm against his body. She immediately tensed from his touch, obviously realizing how close she had allowed herself to come to him. “That’s not what I meant,” he tried to keep his voice calm. Inside he wanted to grab her, to yell for her to stop so that he could apologize to her in any and every form that it took even if it meant kneeling before her to plead his case. “I don’t want you to forgive me so that we can call ourselves friends and co-exist in a room. That’s not what I’m asking.” He released her hand from his grasp, noticing that she hesitated for a moment before withdrawing away from him. Could she feel how hard his heart was beating beneath his calm façade? “What I want I don’t deserve nor will I ask for.”
The look in his eyes told her more than his words ever could. She could always see what laid behind his stony expression, although she refused to name what she saw there for fear of what it would do to her resolve.
“I have to go,” she said nervously. “You need to go,” she added quickly, tearing her eyes away from his. “I need to be anywhere other than here right now.”
“I’ll go with you,” Kunzite said softly, the fight in his tone quickly fading to kindness.
“I need to be alone.”
“You’ve been alone long enough,” he paused as she glanced up at him. “And I’m sorry for that too,” he added. He reached out for her, noticing as she again shrunk away from him. “I won’t touch you,” he said for the second time that day, trying to disguise the pain in his voice. “Just let me take you where you want to go.”
“I don’t know where I want to go,” she responded quietly.
“Then we’ll just go until we get there.”
And somehow she found comfort in his words knowing that he would not push her any further.
They drove for hours, stopping once for gas and again for a silent dinner where either of the two did little more than to push their food around on their plates before Kunzite finally asked the waitress for the check. As night fell Kunzite finally pulled over near an overlook and shut off the car. He said nothing to her nor did he try to comfort her. She remained in relative silence, not even asking him why he stopped.
The last remnants of moonlight shone down on the car, causing the diamond ring around her neck to glisten. He noticed it from the beginning but opted not to say anything or to ask any questions as he recognized the ring - it was the same engagement ring that she had so carefully hid from him when they were first reunited. It was also the same ring that reminded him of her deceit when she had finally decided to be truthful with him. Why she wore it around her neck he couldn’t be sure. Usagi told him that Motoki had forgiven Minako for what happened, but that in the end Minako had ended the engagement. What a fool he had been to think that things would have happened any differently. They had been destined to be together in their last lifetime and he should have known better than to resist in this one. She had been everything to him back then. She was his happiness and his humanity, without her he would have been wholly consumed by Metallia with no chance of redemption in this life. How could he have been so wrong as to deny his feelings once more?
“I saw Motoki….that day….at the hospital,” Kunzite said, clearing his throat. “Twice actually.” Minako continued to look out the window as if she hadn’t heard him, although he could notice the subtle tilt of her head letting him know that he held her attention. “We met for the first time by your bedside while you were sleeping. I suppose he knew who I was, although we were interrupted by a nurse before he had the chance to say anything.” Kunzite paused to notice that had made no further indication of being interested in what he was saying. “The second time we saw each other he was on his way out of the hospital and paused just long enough to punch me.” His words had their desired effect as Minako turned to look at him.
“Did you hurt him?” she asked, her voice full of concern.
Kunzite felt somewhat disappointed that she only seemed concerned with the well-being of the man who had attacked him, but at the very least she had finally spoken. “I can’t make any promises that he didn’t hurt his hand on my jaw,” he said lightly trying not to agitate her with his normally dry response, “but I think it’s safe to say that Nephrite keeled over in a fair amount of pain from laughing so hard at my expense.” She turned away from him to look back out the window wanting him to think that she had lost interest in what he was saying, but he could tell by the faint reflection visible in the side window that she was fighting off a smile. A slight smile started to form on his lips as well, as the situation was rather humorous. The thought of the young arcade owner assaulting the lead Shitennou, second in command to the Prince of Earth, and the leader of Earth’s armies did have a certain comical ring to it.
He slowly, yet confidently, reached over and placed his larger hand on top of hers, feeling contented when she made no move to reject him. It was a small step considering where they had once been in their relationship and how far they had to go now that they were starting over, but regardless, it was enough for him.
Behind them the moon began its final descent while in front of them the morning star came into view just as the sun’s ray began to appear.