"Earth Shrugged" Faith fic for the Lyric Wheel
I'm getting organized. That includes my fic. So this is a fic from quite some time ago; last summer I think, that was never posted to LJ. It was for the Lyric Wheel and I wasn't entirely thrilled with it and how it came out.
Ah well. You can't win them all, can you? So, posted for posterity (and my memories):
It's Faith, first person, post-Apocalypse. But feel free to skip it and read other things!
Title: Earth Shrugged
Author: Alizarin (alizarin_nyc)
Fandom: Buffy, Angel
Rating: PG-13
Summary: I gathered up what slayers were left and we road-tripped it. It was fucking sad. All the major cities were in apocalypse mode; people running around like chickens with their heads cut off, houses burning, skyscrapers falling, shit all blown to hell.
Written for: Lyric Wheel #10, lyrics used are below.
Earth Shrugged
After the apocalypse, I headed west, where I needed to be. Nobody gave two shits about Cleveland anymore, once the Hellmouth blew. Those that survived beat a quick path out of there. No one wants to fight over nothing, and that’s all there was.
I gathered up what slayers were left and we road-tripped it. It was fucking sad. All the major cities were in apocalypse mode; people running around like chickens with their heads cut off, houses burning, skyscrapers falling, shit all blown to hell. And the demons were similarly disorganized and weren’t putting on a very good show. They didn’t have a clue what to do with so much destruction.
We left everything alone, just stopping to pick up supplies when we needed them. The new slayers wanted to pick fights and dust vamps everywhere we went and I had to haul them back every time. Kennedy was riding shotgun in my car and it was only when we got to what might have been Wyoming or something, that she wised up and accepted reality. Then she was cool as a cucumber, kept all the rest of the slayers in line too. No more trying to save the dying, trying to slay one of a thousand demons that were running roughshod over the country. It just wasn’t worth it. I wanted to keep moving to the eye of the storm. From what I knew, whatever it was, started in L.A. I wanted to see it end there, too.
Underneath it all I had a sinking feeling that I should have been watching Angel’s back; that I hadn’t been where I was supposed to be. Guilt was a relentless bitch.
But when we limped into LA, sputtering in on our last gas, it wasn’t what we expected. Not at all.
Demons, everywhere. But not fighting, not killing, not sacrificing small children. They were shopping. They were herding their demon kids down the street to their human friends’ houses. They were barbecuing, for chrissakes. Humans and demons standing around, chatting and flipping the burgers.
We made our way through Burbank and Studio City, driving slowly, along crumbling freeways. We made a lot of detours and acted like a bunch of tourists, staring out the windows as we saw all the evidence of normality in the crowded suburbia of San Fernando Valley.
My goal hadn’t changed. I wanted to find Angel. I headed downtown, toward the Hyperion, toward the office of Wolfram & Hart, and I hoped I’d get some sort of explanation when I got there.
Wolfram & Hart was a giant crater in the ground, but somebody said that I could find Angel and his operation at their new digs.
“New digs? Wolfram & Hart-type new digs?”
“Yeah, there’s a new office, it’s really cool,” the guy said, as if I’d just asked him to tell me what an I-pod was.
“And Angel is still in charge of it?”
“Angel the vampire, yeah,” he said, as if vampires were as commonly known as I-pods.
“Directions?” was all I managed to say. Holding a crumpled piece of paper my hand, I strolled back to the car where Kennedy stood, hands on her hips, legs braced.
“So?” she asked me, shading her eyes and all edgy.
“He’s at the J. Paul Getty Museum.”
“Say what? What, he’s looking at art or something?”
“No. He’s running Wolfram & Hart.”
We jumped in the car and started driving up the coast. There were a few more detours, as some of Santa Monica had fallen into the ocean during the big shakedown. I was feeling a little shaken myself. Buffy might have been right about Angel getting involved with the law firm of evil villainy; maybe my trust in him had been misplaced after all.
We pulled up at the entrance to the museum, where a uniformed guard stopped us to ask our business. I could see the giant white building shimmering up on the hill with a clear blue sky behind it. The guard cleared all 16 of our cars for parking and each of my 70 slayers got a white badge to wear so we could enter the structure that housed the museum trams. It was all very official. After seeing nothing but burnt out rubble, dead bodies and demon gore for weeks, we were kind of shocked, and more than a little disturbed.
“It’s some kind of trap,” Kennedy declared.
“Yeah, maybe,” I said. “But what choices do we have at the moment? We ain’t going back to Cleveland.”
“Just, let’s all stay together, no splitting up. You and me do the talking,” Kennedy set her mouth in a firm grimace, her eyes shutting half-way. The girl looked tired. She was a shadow of her former Sunnydale self. I still wondered what had happened between her and Willow that she chose to come to Cleveland.
“I’ll do the talking,” I said as we boarded the white and chrome trams that would wind their way up to the palatial museum. “I know Angel, know the team, know the deal.” Kennedy just nodded. “You keep the girls in line. Promise them hot showers tonight if all goes well.”
I’d never been to the J. Paul Getty Museum. I had no need for museums, really. Art wasn’t my thing. Robin tried to teach me a little about it before he got killed, but we usually ended up in a fight when he tried to get all teachy on me. I had to say, this was an amazing fucking place, though. White walls reached up out of the sage, and cute little waterfalls greeted us when we stepped out of the tram. We were led up a big wide staircase, around angular columns and back to an enormous garden that had a great view of all of L.A. and the ocean. I couldn’t believe how many lights were starting to appear in the late afternoon light. Electricity. They’d done pretty well for themselves in L.A. while the rest of the world went to hell in a hand basket.
I told Angel as much when I was escorted into his office. “Incredible,” I said as I stalked in right up to his giant oak desk and put both hands on it. “Fucking incredible. I never would have expected it of you, Angel. So please tell me I’m talking to Angelus.”
“Nice to see you too, Faith,” Angel said. “And if I were Angelus, you wouldn’t have made it this close.”
“Been there, done that, kicked its ass,” I said. I could see it in his eyes, he wasn’t Angelus. “Tell me why I shouldn’t beat you down again right now.”
“Because I’m not Angelus, for one, and for another, why?” Angel hadn’t gotten up from his seated position. Kennedy stood behind me, along with about five of the girls. They shifted uncomfortably. I could sense that they weren’t feeling the love I’d told them I had with Angel. I wasn’t feeling it either, come to that.
“Maybe because while the human race is dying out there, you’re sitting in here, king of your evil empire, as if you hadn’t a care in the world. Not really the Angel I knew.”
“Faith. I’m sorry,” Angel leaned forward and looked me in the eye. “There’s a lot to talk about. But I’m not the Angel you knew. Things have changed and it’s a new world. I’m glad you’re here, you can be a part of it.”
“Excuse me? Have you completely lost your mind… assuming that you haven’t really lost your soul?”
“Look out the window, Faith,” he said, gesturing behind him toward the vast expanse of the city. “What do you see?”
“I see a world that’s completely out of whack.”
“I know, cats and dogs, living together, right? Well, what you see is, essentially, the new world order.” Angel hit a button on his phone pad. “Wesley, come into my office. Faith is here.”
“Wes is here?” I felt a surge of guilt, because I hadn’t even really thought about Wes. I guess I figured he’d go down in the apocalypse because so many humans did. I had only expected Angel to come out of it, if at all.
“Good afternoon, Faith. Ladies.” Wesley was in Angel’s office pretty fast. The two of them must have matching offices next door to each other or something. He was in a great suit and tie, just like from his Watcher days, only way more stylish. “You must have a lot of questions.”
“Yeah, like why are you two still working for Evil, Inc. and why the hell isn’t L.A. a living hell like the rest of the known world?”
“Actually, Antarctica and Africa are currently not living hells. The rest, I’m afraid you’re spot on with that description. We’re working hard in New York City, London, Buenos Aires, Dubai, Beijing, New Delhi and Vladivostok to permeate the chaos and get things moving toward what we have here.” He spread his hand vaguely toward the window. “If you drove in, you’ve seen what we’ve done.”
“I’ve seen it, and I’m not sure I like it, Wes. Angel, this is pretty goddamn creepy. It’s like Demons and Stepford People have taken over. Is this what you’re doing with yourself? Making the world a better place for demons to live in?”
“Demons and humans,” Angel said. “Both. Together. And yes, a better place for everybody. You’d prefer death and chaos?”
“I’d prefer that black was black and white was white.”
“I was always sort of a gray man myself,” Wesley said.
“Working for the Watcher’s Council, you’d have to be,” I shot back. “What’s the deal, then? Wolfram & Hart give you an iron-clad contract that you could all go 50-50? Demons, humans, vampires, with you lording it over your little fiefdom?” I was getting flustered and frustrated. Plus I was pretty hungry; we hadn’t had any kind of food today because we were trying to ration. I could feel my ratty-ass hair flying in my eyes and it was only made worse by how pristine Angel and Wes looked.
“It’s something like that, but more complicated. Let us take you on a little tour of the facilities,” Wesley said, and finally Angel rose from his seat and pressed more buttons.
He spoke briefly to someone on the other end then looked up and gave me a fake smile. “I’d go with you, but the sun’s still out.”
“Shall we?” Wes asked.
“Why the hell not, I’m free this evening.”
So he took us around the “complex” and I saw a few things I never expected to see. Offices full of people - and demons - working the phones, typing on their computers, filing, for chrissakes. Wes explained that they were organizing aid for every corner of the globe, food and medical supplies, some things I had never heard of for demon types. Aid for demons, I never thought I’d see the day. In the museum areas, the museum pieces stood by while Watcher-types sat around, deciphering shit. A bunch of witches were in another wing with hardwood floors and black-and-white photos on the wall, chanting spells and throwing around powder. A giant underground facility housed weapons of every kind - weapons that had been turned in by the populace, Wes said, and were being turned into alternate sources of energy. Whatever. There were training facilities for every imaginable thing, there were classrooms, lecture halls, mini-hospitals.
Humans were giving blood in a large room that had a banner on the wall that said, “Everyone Does Their Part!” with a picture of a vamp and a young girl arm in arm. There was a church. I peeked inside and there were humans and demons praying together and then I knew this had to be some sort of alternate dimension.
“Not an alternate dimension,” Wes said. “Earth.” He let my slayers loose in the garden and sent his personal chef to get food requests. He gave instructions to a tiny demon man to sort out new clothes, beds and showers for them, too. They looked dazed, poor things. Kennedy and I went back with Wes to a conference room near his and Angel’s offices. There were some people sitting in there, waiting.
“Gunn, my man, what’s up?” I gave Gunn a giant bear hug. He seemed thrilled to see me and he also seemed genuine. “You buyin’ this whole deal?” I asked him.
“I never heard the sales pitch,” he said. “I was dead at the time.”
“Say what?”
Angel took a seat at the table and motioned for me and Kennedy to sit down. We sank into the chairs gratefully. A snack cart appeared and we stuffed our faces while trying to listen to Angel and Gunn and some weird blue chick sitting across the table, who barely spoke but looked at us like we were bugs.
“You asked about the deal,” Angel said. “And so here’s the deal. You don’t have to take it, but this is the way things go, and you might want to get used to it.”
“Yeah, I’ll just bet,” I said. “I’ll hear you out because it’s you, Angel, so speak.”
“Apocalypse. I took down the Senior Partners. But evil exists, always, at all times. It’s like air. It’s like good. Evil, good, those fixed things are unchangeable. Take down the evilest of the evil and you still have evil. So the Senior Partners are no longer the spokespeople for evil. Wolfram & Hart no longer control the gateway.” Angel shifted in his chair and made sure Faith met his eyes. “I do.”
“Oh my god, Buffy was right about this all along.”
“Buffy’s dead,” Angel snapped and turned away.
“What?” This I could not, would not believe. “How do you know?”
“Look around, Faith. We have ways of knowing things now. We knew you were on your way, we…”
“You knew? You knew that we were out there, starving, in danger, hurting, and you just sat here and let us drag ourselves through shit?” I was on my feet.
“Balance, Faith. That’s what it’s all about. I can know things, but before I can fix things, like I’ve fixed L.A. and New York, I have to let some things go. I couldn’t send a private jet just for you to Cleveland, you had to make it here on your own. The apocalypse has to play out.”
“Why are you doing this, Angel?” I felt like I was going to cry, but I never cry, really. I just get that tight feeling in my chest, like a steel ribbon is wrapped around my ribcage.
And Buffy. It couldn’t be true. He was lying.
“Because I want people to live,” he said. “Evil, or whatever you want to call it - Satan, Lucifer, the First - sent me a message. Evil gave in. Called a truce. I did that - me.”
“So why do I feel like we’ve lost the war?”
“Because you’re not looking at the big picture. Evil offered to negotiate, and I did. I traded the lives of Gunn, Fred, Cordelia, Wesley and my son and whoever survives the apocalypse. All I have to do in return is share our world with them. But I can do it any way I want. And you see that it works.”
I just shook my head. Angel continued, but he turned away and looked out the window. “I was laying half-dead in an alleyway at the time. I could see the world falling apart. I could hear parts of the earth falling into the sea. I thought about what I was fighting for, what I was all about.”
Angel began to look thoughtful, sad almost. I steeled myself. I would not feel sorry for him if he was playing me. He was still facing the window when he continued, “I thought, ‘won't it be dull when we rid ourselves of all these demons. Won’t it be odd to be happy? Like we always thought we're supposed to feel but never seem to be?’ And it was odd. At first. But I have everything I’ve ever wanted now and I’m happy.”
“You don’t look happy. And what about Buffy?”
“Faith, she killed herself. After I made the deal. There was nothing I could do about that.”
“She - she - I don’t believe you. Buffy would never, in a million years…” I was feeling now that he was yanking my chain. He was a lying, stinking sonofabitch. “You killed her because she was the only thing that would stand in your way. She would never negotiate with Evil, never, and you did what you had to in order to get what you wanted!”
“Her sister told me.”
“Dawn? Dawn told you. Where is Dawn?” Now I was frantic. Willow, where was Willow, and Giles, and the other potentials in Rome or England? Angel knew what I’d been wanting to know for months.
“Dawn is in Rome, they’re all okay. Giles and Willow are in London. They said Buffy couldn’t handle what happened. What will happen.” Angel didn’t really even look sorry, and I gave him another skeptical look. “Really, Faith. I know it’s not like Buffy, but I’ve come to terms with it and you will too, in time.”
“It’s not like Buffy, it’s not like you… you brought all these people back from the dead and now look at them, they’re all like robots! No offense, Gunn.”
“None taken,” he said placidly.
“And what have you done with Fred for chrissakes?” I gestured at the blue thing, which I now realized, looked like that gal Fred that Angel kept around the office.
“Fred is in her lab. On the other side of this place. This is Illyria,” Gunn said. The blue person turned and looked at me, her mouth making small, strange, clicking sounds, like she had a calculator in her mouth.
“A demon.”
“Actually, she’s a former inter-dimensional god-king. An Old One,” Gunn said.
“That clears everything right up,” I said.
Kennedy hadn’t said a word up until this point. She sat there, frozen, like maybe she too, was a robot. Or a zombie. Whatever they were. “I think maybe, Faith, we need to step back and think about things for a while.”
“You’re kidding me, right?”
“Faith,” Kennedy turned to me, her eyes dark and pleading. “Willow’s alive. I can see her again. Don’t you think what Angel’s doing has merit? He’s saving what’s left.”
“By giving what’s left to the other side!”
“By doing what he had to do to ensure that we can go on. Think about it; the human race isn’t good, per se, we are a mix of good and evil. We’re both. It’s a balance, like Angel said.” I could see in her face that she had already made up her mind, already given in. She now knew that Willow was alive, the one person in all the world she wanted to see that she thought she’d never see again. And Angel could give her that. For now.
“You want to start a war, Faith? You want to keep fighting?” Gunn was directing these questions at me and suddenly I felt a little unsure of myself. “I pick life over death, that’s just me. I’ll die someday, but not until I’ve done some good in this world. Before, it was ridding the world of vamps. That was good. Now it’s keeping everybody happy, vamps and people, working out the kinks, telling people what needs to be done, learning to live and let live. It ain’t so bad. And again, better than dead.”
I didn’t know what to say. So I got up and walked out. I went to the gardens where I looked out over LA and let the vast sky and the Pacific Ocean wrap around me and soothe my rough edges. The sun was sinking low in the sky, melting into the ocean like a chunk of butter in a skillet. I could hear my slayers in the distance, talking and laughing, sitting under some trees picking flowers for their hair.
I really could go the way Buffy went, I’ll tell you that straight out. If she did what they say she did, and I’m still not sure she did. But I can see why she would, because I almost could, too. I understand it. What was a slayer, if Evil was your next-door neighbor? What was a hero? Would you go and stake that thing that was just going about its business and not harming a soul? Would I? And what would I do if I didn’t? What would keep me alive?
I didn’t know. And maybe I never will.
**end**
Tag: The earth moves on and longs to be rid
Of the sound of your fists on its coffin lid.
Song given:
War on Drugs
by the Barenaked Ladies
She likes to sleep with the radio on
So she can dream of her favorite song
The one that no one has ever sung since she was small
She'll never know that she made it up
She had a soul and we ate it up
Thrown away like a paper cup
The music falls
The only flaw in her detailed plan
Is where she wins back the love of her man
Everyone knows that he's never coming back
He took her heart and she took his name
He couldn't stand taking all the blame
He left her only with guilt and shame and then she cracked
Won't it be dull when we rid ourselves
Of all these demons haunting us
To keep us company
In the dream I refuse to have
She falls asleep in a lukewarm bath
We're left to deal with the aftermath again
On behalf of humanity
I will fight for your sanity
How profound such profanity can be
Won't it be dull when we rid ourselves
Of all these demons haunting us
To keep us company
Won't it be odd to be happy like we
Always thought we're supposed to feel
But never seem to be
Near where I live there's a viaduct
Where people jump when they're out of luck
Raining down on the cars and trucks below
They've put a net there to catch their fall
Like it'll stop anyone at all
What they don't know is when nature calls, you go
They say that Jesus and mental health
Are just for those who can help themselves
But what good is that when you live in hell on earth?
From the very fear that makes you want to die
Is just the same as what keeps you alive
It's way more trouble than some suicide is worth
Won't it be dull when we rid ourselves
Of all these demons haunting us
To keep us company
Won't it be odd to be happy like we
Always thought we're supposed to feel
But never seem to be
Hard to admit I fought the war on drugs
My hands were tied and the phone was bugged
Another died and the world just shrugged it off
.
Ah well. You can't win them all, can you? So, posted for posterity (and my memories):
It's Faith, first person, post-Apocalypse. But feel free to skip it and read other things!
Title: Earth Shrugged
Author: Alizarin (alizarin_nyc)
Fandom: Buffy, Angel
Rating: PG-13
Summary: I gathered up what slayers were left and we road-tripped it. It was fucking sad. All the major cities were in apocalypse mode; people running around like chickens with their heads cut off, houses burning, skyscrapers falling, shit all blown to hell.
Written for: Lyric Wheel #10, lyrics used are below.
Earth Shrugged
After the apocalypse, I headed west, where I needed to be. Nobody gave two shits about Cleveland anymore, once the Hellmouth blew. Those that survived beat a quick path out of there. No one wants to fight over nothing, and that’s all there was.
I gathered up what slayers were left and we road-tripped it. It was fucking sad. All the major cities were in apocalypse mode; people running around like chickens with their heads cut off, houses burning, skyscrapers falling, shit all blown to hell. And the demons were similarly disorganized and weren’t putting on a very good show. They didn’t have a clue what to do with so much destruction.
We left everything alone, just stopping to pick up supplies when we needed them. The new slayers wanted to pick fights and dust vamps everywhere we went and I had to haul them back every time. Kennedy was riding shotgun in my car and it was only when we got to what might have been Wyoming or something, that she wised up and accepted reality. Then she was cool as a cucumber, kept all the rest of the slayers in line too. No more trying to save the dying, trying to slay one of a thousand demons that were running roughshod over the country. It just wasn’t worth it. I wanted to keep moving to the eye of the storm. From what I knew, whatever it was, started in L.A. I wanted to see it end there, too.
Underneath it all I had a sinking feeling that I should have been watching Angel’s back; that I hadn’t been where I was supposed to be. Guilt was a relentless bitch.
But when we limped into LA, sputtering in on our last gas, it wasn’t what we expected. Not at all.
Demons, everywhere. But not fighting, not killing, not sacrificing small children. They were shopping. They were herding their demon kids down the street to their human friends’ houses. They were barbecuing, for chrissakes. Humans and demons standing around, chatting and flipping the burgers.
We made our way through Burbank and Studio City, driving slowly, along crumbling freeways. We made a lot of detours and acted like a bunch of tourists, staring out the windows as we saw all the evidence of normality in the crowded suburbia of San Fernando Valley.
My goal hadn’t changed. I wanted to find Angel. I headed downtown, toward the Hyperion, toward the office of Wolfram & Hart, and I hoped I’d get some sort of explanation when I got there.
Wolfram & Hart was a giant crater in the ground, but somebody said that I could find Angel and his operation at their new digs.
“New digs? Wolfram & Hart-type new digs?”
“Yeah, there’s a new office, it’s really cool,” the guy said, as if I’d just asked him to tell me what an I-pod was.
“And Angel is still in charge of it?”
“Angel the vampire, yeah,” he said, as if vampires were as commonly known as I-pods.
“Directions?” was all I managed to say. Holding a crumpled piece of paper my hand, I strolled back to the car where Kennedy stood, hands on her hips, legs braced.
“So?” she asked me, shading her eyes and all edgy.
“He’s at the J. Paul Getty Museum.”
“Say what? What, he’s looking at art or something?”
“No. He’s running Wolfram & Hart.”
We jumped in the car and started driving up the coast. There were a few more detours, as some of Santa Monica had fallen into the ocean during the big shakedown. I was feeling a little shaken myself. Buffy might have been right about Angel getting involved with the law firm of evil villainy; maybe my trust in him had been misplaced after all.
We pulled up at the entrance to the museum, where a uniformed guard stopped us to ask our business. I could see the giant white building shimmering up on the hill with a clear blue sky behind it. The guard cleared all 16 of our cars for parking and each of my 70 slayers got a white badge to wear so we could enter the structure that housed the museum trams. It was all very official. After seeing nothing but burnt out rubble, dead bodies and demon gore for weeks, we were kind of shocked, and more than a little disturbed.
“It’s some kind of trap,” Kennedy declared.
“Yeah, maybe,” I said. “But what choices do we have at the moment? We ain’t going back to Cleveland.”
“Just, let’s all stay together, no splitting up. You and me do the talking,” Kennedy set her mouth in a firm grimace, her eyes shutting half-way. The girl looked tired. She was a shadow of her former Sunnydale self. I still wondered what had happened between her and Willow that she chose to come to Cleveland.
“I’ll do the talking,” I said as we boarded the white and chrome trams that would wind their way up to the palatial museum. “I know Angel, know the team, know the deal.” Kennedy just nodded. “You keep the girls in line. Promise them hot showers tonight if all goes well.”
I’d never been to the J. Paul Getty Museum. I had no need for museums, really. Art wasn’t my thing. Robin tried to teach me a little about it before he got killed, but we usually ended up in a fight when he tried to get all teachy on me. I had to say, this was an amazing fucking place, though. White walls reached up out of the sage, and cute little waterfalls greeted us when we stepped out of the tram. We were led up a big wide staircase, around angular columns and back to an enormous garden that had a great view of all of L.A. and the ocean. I couldn’t believe how many lights were starting to appear in the late afternoon light. Electricity. They’d done pretty well for themselves in L.A. while the rest of the world went to hell in a hand basket.
I told Angel as much when I was escorted into his office. “Incredible,” I said as I stalked in right up to his giant oak desk and put both hands on it. “Fucking incredible. I never would have expected it of you, Angel. So please tell me I’m talking to Angelus.”
“Nice to see you too, Faith,” Angel said. “And if I were Angelus, you wouldn’t have made it this close.”
“Been there, done that, kicked its ass,” I said. I could see it in his eyes, he wasn’t Angelus. “Tell me why I shouldn’t beat you down again right now.”
“Because I’m not Angelus, for one, and for another, why?” Angel hadn’t gotten up from his seated position. Kennedy stood behind me, along with about five of the girls. They shifted uncomfortably. I could sense that they weren’t feeling the love I’d told them I had with Angel. I wasn’t feeling it either, come to that.
“Maybe because while the human race is dying out there, you’re sitting in here, king of your evil empire, as if you hadn’t a care in the world. Not really the Angel I knew.”
“Faith. I’m sorry,” Angel leaned forward and looked me in the eye. “There’s a lot to talk about. But I’m not the Angel you knew. Things have changed and it’s a new world. I’m glad you’re here, you can be a part of it.”
“Excuse me? Have you completely lost your mind… assuming that you haven’t really lost your soul?”
“Look out the window, Faith,” he said, gesturing behind him toward the vast expanse of the city. “What do you see?”
“I see a world that’s completely out of whack.”
“I know, cats and dogs, living together, right? Well, what you see is, essentially, the new world order.” Angel hit a button on his phone pad. “Wesley, come into my office. Faith is here.”
“Wes is here?” I felt a surge of guilt, because I hadn’t even really thought about Wes. I guess I figured he’d go down in the apocalypse because so many humans did. I had only expected Angel to come out of it, if at all.
“Good afternoon, Faith. Ladies.” Wesley was in Angel’s office pretty fast. The two of them must have matching offices next door to each other or something. He was in a great suit and tie, just like from his Watcher days, only way more stylish. “You must have a lot of questions.”
“Yeah, like why are you two still working for Evil, Inc. and why the hell isn’t L.A. a living hell like the rest of the known world?”
“Actually, Antarctica and Africa are currently not living hells. The rest, I’m afraid you’re spot on with that description. We’re working hard in New York City, London, Buenos Aires, Dubai, Beijing, New Delhi and Vladivostok to permeate the chaos and get things moving toward what we have here.” He spread his hand vaguely toward the window. “If you drove in, you’ve seen what we’ve done.”
“I’ve seen it, and I’m not sure I like it, Wes. Angel, this is pretty goddamn creepy. It’s like Demons and Stepford People have taken over. Is this what you’re doing with yourself? Making the world a better place for demons to live in?”
“Demons and humans,” Angel said. “Both. Together. And yes, a better place for everybody. You’d prefer death and chaos?”
“I’d prefer that black was black and white was white.”
“I was always sort of a gray man myself,” Wesley said.
“Working for the Watcher’s Council, you’d have to be,” I shot back. “What’s the deal, then? Wolfram & Hart give you an iron-clad contract that you could all go 50-50? Demons, humans, vampires, with you lording it over your little fiefdom?” I was getting flustered and frustrated. Plus I was pretty hungry; we hadn’t had any kind of food today because we were trying to ration. I could feel my ratty-ass hair flying in my eyes and it was only made worse by how pristine Angel and Wes looked.
“It’s something like that, but more complicated. Let us take you on a little tour of the facilities,” Wesley said, and finally Angel rose from his seat and pressed more buttons.
He spoke briefly to someone on the other end then looked up and gave me a fake smile. “I’d go with you, but the sun’s still out.”
“Shall we?” Wes asked.
“Why the hell not, I’m free this evening.”
So he took us around the “complex” and I saw a few things I never expected to see. Offices full of people - and demons - working the phones, typing on their computers, filing, for chrissakes. Wes explained that they were organizing aid for every corner of the globe, food and medical supplies, some things I had never heard of for demon types. Aid for demons, I never thought I’d see the day. In the museum areas, the museum pieces stood by while Watcher-types sat around, deciphering shit. A bunch of witches were in another wing with hardwood floors and black-and-white photos on the wall, chanting spells and throwing around powder. A giant underground facility housed weapons of every kind - weapons that had been turned in by the populace, Wes said, and were being turned into alternate sources of energy. Whatever. There were training facilities for every imaginable thing, there were classrooms, lecture halls, mini-hospitals.
Humans were giving blood in a large room that had a banner on the wall that said, “Everyone Does Their Part!” with a picture of a vamp and a young girl arm in arm. There was a church. I peeked inside and there were humans and demons praying together and then I knew this had to be some sort of alternate dimension.
“Not an alternate dimension,” Wes said. “Earth.” He let my slayers loose in the garden and sent his personal chef to get food requests. He gave instructions to a tiny demon man to sort out new clothes, beds and showers for them, too. They looked dazed, poor things. Kennedy and I went back with Wes to a conference room near his and Angel’s offices. There were some people sitting in there, waiting.
“Gunn, my man, what’s up?” I gave Gunn a giant bear hug. He seemed thrilled to see me and he also seemed genuine. “You buyin’ this whole deal?” I asked him.
“I never heard the sales pitch,” he said. “I was dead at the time.”
“Say what?”
Angel took a seat at the table and motioned for me and Kennedy to sit down. We sank into the chairs gratefully. A snack cart appeared and we stuffed our faces while trying to listen to Angel and Gunn and some weird blue chick sitting across the table, who barely spoke but looked at us like we were bugs.
“You asked about the deal,” Angel said. “And so here’s the deal. You don’t have to take it, but this is the way things go, and you might want to get used to it.”
“Yeah, I’ll just bet,” I said. “I’ll hear you out because it’s you, Angel, so speak.”
“Apocalypse. I took down the Senior Partners. But evil exists, always, at all times. It’s like air. It’s like good. Evil, good, those fixed things are unchangeable. Take down the evilest of the evil and you still have evil. So the Senior Partners are no longer the spokespeople for evil. Wolfram & Hart no longer control the gateway.” Angel shifted in his chair and made sure Faith met his eyes. “I do.”
“Oh my god, Buffy was right about this all along.”
“Buffy’s dead,” Angel snapped and turned away.
“What?” This I could not, would not believe. “How do you know?”
“Look around, Faith. We have ways of knowing things now. We knew you were on your way, we…”
“You knew? You knew that we were out there, starving, in danger, hurting, and you just sat here and let us drag ourselves through shit?” I was on my feet.
“Balance, Faith. That’s what it’s all about. I can know things, but before I can fix things, like I’ve fixed L.A. and New York, I have to let some things go. I couldn’t send a private jet just for you to Cleveland, you had to make it here on your own. The apocalypse has to play out.”
“Why are you doing this, Angel?” I felt like I was going to cry, but I never cry, really. I just get that tight feeling in my chest, like a steel ribbon is wrapped around my ribcage.
And Buffy. It couldn’t be true. He was lying.
“Because I want people to live,” he said. “Evil, or whatever you want to call it - Satan, Lucifer, the First - sent me a message. Evil gave in. Called a truce. I did that - me.”
“So why do I feel like we’ve lost the war?”
“Because you’re not looking at the big picture. Evil offered to negotiate, and I did. I traded the lives of Gunn, Fred, Cordelia, Wesley and my son and whoever survives the apocalypse. All I have to do in return is share our world with them. But I can do it any way I want. And you see that it works.”
I just shook my head. Angel continued, but he turned away and looked out the window. “I was laying half-dead in an alleyway at the time. I could see the world falling apart. I could hear parts of the earth falling into the sea. I thought about what I was fighting for, what I was all about.”
Angel began to look thoughtful, sad almost. I steeled myself. I would not feel sorry for him if he was playing me. He was still facing the window when he continued, “I thought, ‘won't it be dull when we rid ourselves of all these demons. Won’t it be odd to be happy? Like we always thought we're supposed to feel but never seem to be?’ And it was odd. At first. But I have everything I’ve ever wanted now and I’m happy.”
“You don’t look happy. And what about Buffy?”
“Faith, she killed herself. After I made the deal. There was nothing I could do about that.”
“She - she - I don’t believe you. Buffy would never, in a million years…” I was feeling now that he was yanking my chain. He was a lying, stinking sonofabitch. “You killed her because she was the only thing that would stand in your way. She would never negotiate with Evil, never, and you did what you had to in order to get what you wanted!”
“Her sister told me.”
“Dawn? Dawn told you. Where is Dawn?” Now I was frantic. Willow, where was Willow, and Giles, and the other potentials in Rome or England? Angel knew what I’d been wanting to know for months.
“Dawn is in Rome, they’re all okay. Giles and Willow are in London. They said Buffy couldn’t handle what happened. What will happen.” Angel didn’t really even look sorry, and I gave him another skeptical look. “Really, Faith. I know it’s not like Buffy, but I’ve come to terms with it and you will too, in time.”
“It’s not like Buffy, it’s not like you… you brought all these people back from the dead and now look at them, they’re all like robots! No offense, Gunn.”
“None taken,” he said placidly.
“And what have you done with Fred for chrissakes?” I gestured at the blue thing, which I now realized, looked like that gal Fred that Angel kept around the office.
“Fred is in her lab. On the other side of this place. This is Illyria,” Gunn said. The blue person turned and looked at me, her mouth making small, strange, clicking sounds, like she had a calculator in her mouth.
“A demon.”
“Actually, she’s a former inter-dimensional god-king. An Old One,” Gunn said.
“That clears everything right up,” I said.
Kennedy hadn’t said a word up until this point. She sat there, frozen, like maybe she too, was a robot. Or a zombie. Whatever they were. “I think maybe, Faith, we need to step back and think about things for a while.”
“You’re kidding me, right?”
“Faith,” Kennedy turned to me, her eyes dark and pleading. “Willow’s alive. I can see her again. Don’t you think what Angel’s doing has merit? He’s saving what’s left.”
“By giving what’s left to the other side!”
“By doing what he had to do to ensure that we can go on. Think about it; the human race isn’t good, per se, we are a mix of good and evil. We’re both. It’s a balance, like Angel said.” I could see in her face that she had already made up her mind, already given in. She now knew that Willow was alive, the one person in all the world she wanted to see that she thought she’d never see again. And Angel could give her that. For now.
“You want to start a war, Faith? You want to keep fighting?” Gunn was directing these questions at me and suddenly I felt a little unsure of myself. “I pick life over death, that’s just me. I’ll die someday, but not until I’ve done some good in this world. Before, it was ridding the world of vamps. That was good. Now it’s keeping everybody happy, vamps and people, working out the kinks, telling people what needs to be done, learning to live and let live. It ain’t so bad. And again, better than dead.”
I didn’t know what to say. So I got up and walked out. I went to the gardens where I looked out over LA and let the vast sky and the Pacific Ocean wrap around me and soothe my rough edges. The sun was sinking low in the sky, melting into the ocean like a chunk of butter in a skillet. I could hear my slayers in the distance, talking and laughing, sitting under some trees picking flowers for their hair.
I really could go the way Buffy went, I’ll tell you that straight out. If she did what they say she did, and I’m still not sure she did. But I can see why she would, because I almost could, too. I understand it. What was a slayer, if Evil was your next-door neighbor? What was a hero? Would you go and stake that thing that was just going about its business and not harming a soul? Would I? And what would I do if I didn’t? What would keep me alive?
I didn’t know. And maybe I never will.
**end**
Tag: The earth moves on and longs to be rid
Of the sound of your fists on its coffin lid.
Song given:
War on Drugs
by the Barenaked Ladies
She likes to sleep with the radio on
So she can dream of her favorite song
The one that no one has ever sung since she was small
She'll never know that she made it up
She had a soul and we ate it up
Thrown away like a paper cup
The music falls
The only flaw in her detailed plan
Is where she wins back the love of her man
Everyone knows that he's never coming back
He took her heart and she took his name
He couldn't stand taking all the blame
He left her only with guilt and shame and then she cracked
Won't it be dull when we rid ourselves
Of all these demons haunting us
To keep us company
In the dream I refuse to have
She falls asleep in a lukewarm bath
We're left to deal with the aftermath again
On behalf of humanity
I will fight for your sanity
How profound such profanity can be
Won't it be dull when we rid ourselves
Of all these demons haunting us
To keep us company
Won't it be odd to be happy like we
Always thought we're supposed to feel
But never seem to be
Near where I live there's a viaduct
Where people jump when they're out of luck
Raining down on the cars and trucks below
They've put a net there to catch their fall
Like it'll stop anyone at all
What they don't know is when nature calls, you go
They say that Jesus and mental health
Are just for those who can help themselves
But what good is that when you live in hell on earth?
From the very fear that makes you want to die
Is just the same as what keeps you alive
It's way more trouble than some suicide is worth
Won't it be dull when we rid ourselves
Of all these demons haunting us
To keep us company
Won't it be odd to be happy like we
Always thought we're supposed to feel
But never seem to be
Hard to admit I fought the war on drugs
My hands were tied and the phone was bugged
Another died and the world just shrugged it off
.