30 Days of Posting: Day Ten (three things)
I'll get to 30, it just may take me two months. :>
I haven't been around or posting because my cat was in the hospital, I had a two-day work thing I was anxious about, and I had a performance with accompanying performance anxiety.
In short: Max, my eldest and most precious kitty, is still with me. Things didn't look good and they aren't going to get better, but they can't pinpoint his exact neurological issue without a costly MRI that would only show me the cause, but not provide a fix for a 16-year old cat. If it's a brain tumor, I mean, come on, I'm not going to put him on radiation or do chemo. There will be no massive surgery, and for the MRI he'd be under anesthesia again and he's so fragile so no. He's resting comfortably here, and he pushing his reluctant limbs to take him to the litter box and the food bowl and to get on the couch and bed, so we're just going with it. One hour at a time.
The two-day work thing included one big fuck up that wasn't really my fault, but felt like it was, and a lot of me butting in on the creative meeting (I was basically encouraged to do so), yet knowing that I wasn't even working for anyone there. So reinforcement of the fact that I get excited by Work but am never in a position of Usefulness. I don't know if I'm Good or if people just humor me because they're humoring themselves and it's all pretend anyway. Does that make any sense?
Also, holy cow the UN and all it's associated "funds" waste a fuckton of time and energy and MONEY.
The performance, the CATBARET, went well. I basically co-produced the thing as the person who was supposed to bailed on my friend who was the producer/director. So I was relieved that it came off as well as it did and that the house was PACKED. We also did this thing called "send a cat to the Catbaret," and sold three times the number of actual tickets because a lot of people "sent cats to the Catbaret." Our fanbase is lovely.
People laughed at my jokes (storytelling/standup) and I didn't flub anything up. I have no idea if I am Good or not (see above) as I can't really get any feedback. People said "I loved it!" right after the show, but what else would they say? I should perform in the way that I write: I do it for me and not for the accolades, and maybe someday I will, but it just seems like with performing, there is a lot less patience for amateur goofing around. You can post fanfic and get three hits and be okay with it and not feel like you imposed on anyone, but you can't really embarrass yourself and others by getting on stage and asking for five minutes of their full attention. There is no back button for the audience.
I wore my corset, but I had a jacket on whilst onstage. But my friend took pictures of me in the corset only afterward. Would you like to see them? There's a lot of um... me. My breasts. NSFW actually. If you're on Facebook you've already seen the one. Now THAT got a lot of feedback.
In short, all I have going for me are my breasts. And that I'm still here.
I haven't been around or posting because my cat was in the hospital, I had a two-day work thing I was anxious about, and I had a performance with accompanying performance anxiety.
In short: Max, my eldest and most precious kitty, is still with me. Things didn't look good and they aren't going to get better, but they can't pinpoint his exact neurological issue without a costly MRI that would only show me the cause, but not provide a fix for a 16-year old cat. If it's a brain tumor, I mean, come on, I'm not going to put him on radiation or do chemo. There will be no massive surgery, and for the MRI he'd be under anesthesia again and he's so fragile so no. He's resting comfortably here, and he pushing his reluctant limbs to take him to the litter box and the food bowl and to get on the couch and bed, so we're just going with it. One hour at a time.
The two-day work thing included one big fuck up that wasn't really my fault, but felt like it was, and a lot of me butting in on the creative meeting (I was basically encouraged to do so), yet knowing that I wasn't even working for anyone there. So reinforcement of the fact that I get excited by Work but am never in a position of Usefulness. I don't know if I'm Good or if people just humor me because they're humoring themselves and it's all pretend anyway. Does that make any sense?
Also, holy cow the UN and all it's associated "funds" waste a fuckton of time and energy and MONEY.
The performance, the CATBARET, went well. I basically co-produced the thing as the person who was supposed to bailed on my friend who was the producer/director. So I was relieved that it came off as well as it did and that the house was PACKED. We also did this thing called "send a cat to the Catbaret," and sold three times the number of actual tickets because a lot of people "sent cats to the Catbaret." Our fanbase is lovely.
People laughed at my jokes (storytelling/standup) and I didn't flub anything up. I have no idea if I am Good or not (see above) as I can't really get any feedback. People said "I loved it!" right after the show, but what else would they say? I should perform in the way that I write: I do it for me and not for the accolades, and maybe someday I will, but it just seems like with performing, there is a lot less patience for amateur goofing around. You can post fanfic and get three hits and be okay with it and not feel like you imposed on anyone, but you can't really embarrass yourself and others by getting on stage and asking for five minutes of their full attention. There is no back button for the audience.
I wore my corset, but I had a jacket on whilst onstage. But my friend took pictures of me in the corset only afterward. Would you like to see them? There's a lot of um... me. My breasts. NSFW actually. If you're on Facebook you've already seen the one. Now THAT got a lot of feedback.
In short, all I have going for me are my breasts. And that I'm still here.