Sleep, elusive sleep.
I'm going to go off on my sleep issues in a minute. First, my friend who is a reporter for the WSJ (Personal Journal) wrote me with this request:
I'm working on a story about sleep and relationships. I'm looking to talk to couples who are negotiating sleep issues (ie. morning person married to a night person, snoring, cover stealing, covers vs. no covers etc.) Does anyone have friends who might want to chat about this?
If you fit the bill and would like to talk about it (as well as your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse), please reply and I will PM you with her email address so you can contact her. AND THANK YOU!
***
Yet another night during which I was up all night. I finally drifted off out of sheer bloody-minded exhaustion at 11am. Which is basically the middle of most people's day. I am tired of it, and tired of feeling so physically and mentally incapacitated. It's beyond the mere "night person" that I know I am. I'm not just going to bed late. I am getting into bed at reasonable times - 11, 12, 1 - for me, for someone who isn't working. And then, the hours go by. I mostly watch videos as I'm generally too tired to read or write. Also, writing in bed makes the carpal tunnel flare up and then pain will add to whatever is keeping me awake.
Right now I'm not on any sleeping pills. Which might be part of the problem, I need to be on them. They've sufficiently worked their way out of my system (and been pushed out with my weekly infusions as part of the detox program), and I often don't think about NOT taking them, so I think any notion of being addicted to sleeping pills is put to rest (PUN LOL). I would love to be addicted to sleeping pills right now, if it meant I could fucking sleep. At night. Or most of the night.
I have seen the dawn every night for the past two months. Not to mention all the times I saw it before that. Because even when I was working, I would have this problem. I'd either call out sick or zombie myself to work and be spectacularly ineffective. I loathe dawn! Seriously. And my bedroom looks out on a typical Manhattan alley, full of trash, high buildings blocking the light. When I see the light seeping in behind the curtains I feel such a sense of failure I can't even describe it. Once it's that light, that's as light as it gets. So 6am is the same as 10am is the same as 3pm. An even worse sense of failure is waking up and seeing that it's dark outside. Wow, that is the worst. I don't even want to get up, I want to die.
My husband is as usual, less than helpful. He has his own struggles. I may have mentioned that due to his insanely loud snoring, he now sleeps on the couch full-time. Not sure to what extent that bothers either of us, but let's face it, it's not ideal and it's not good for our marriage. (Some of you may be tempted to suggest I try earplugs, and I have, and they do not work.) I'm also somewhat trapped in the bed. I can't move to the couch to see if a change of venue helps me sleep. I can't engage in another project if I'm awake - I am relegated to the bed. There isn't any room at present to put a desk or table in the bedroom, and I'm not putting a television in there - the laptop is bad enough.
I've watched a series of bad movies, a handful of good movies, a LOT of television series, mostly British, increasingly mundane, and it almost seems as if I am too anxious and/or depressed to live in reality. Which, if you think about it, reality sucks anyway, so why bother? Kidding -- I would love to be back in reality, making my own fun, having a LIFE.
Enough of that. Send a life boat.
I'm working on a story about sleep and relationships. I'm looking to talk to couples who are negotiating sleep issues (ie. morning person married to a night person, snoring, cover stealing, covers vs. no covers etc.) Does anyone have friends who might want to chat about this?
If you fit the bill and would like to talk about it (as well as your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse), please reply and I will PM you with her email address so you can contact her. AND THANK YOU!
***
Yet another night during which I was up all night. I finally drifted off out of sheer bloody-minded exhaustion at 11am. Which is basically the middle of most people's day. I am tired of it, and tired of feeling so physically and mentally incapacitated. It's beyond the mere "night person" that I know I am. I'm not just going to bed late. I am getting into bed at reasonable times - 11, 12, 1 - for me, for someone who isn't working. And then, the hours go by. I mostly watch videos as I'm generally too tired to read or write. Also, writing in bed makes the carpal tunnel flare up and then pain will add to whatever is keeping me awake.
Right now I'm not on any sleeping pills. Which might be part of the problem, I need to be on them. They've sufficiently worked their way out of my system (and been pushed out with my weekly infusions as part of the detox program), and I often don't think about NOT taking them, so I think any notion of being addicted to sleeping pills is put to rest (PUN LOL). I would love to be addicted to sleeping pills right now, if it meant I could fucking sleep. At night. Or most of the night.
I have seen the dawn every night for the past two months. Not to mention all the times I saw it before that. Because even when I was working, I would have this problem. I'd either call out sick or zombie myself to work and be spectacularly ineffective. I loathe dawn! Seriously. And my bedroom looks out on a typical Manhattan alley, full of trash, high buildings blocking the light. When I see the light seeping in behind the curtains I feel such a sense of failure I can't even describe it. Once it's that light, that's as light as it gets. So 6am is the same as 10am is the same as 3pm. An even worse sense of failure is waking up and seeing that it's dark outside. Wow, that is the worst. I don't even want to get up, I want to die.
My husband is as usual, less than helpful. He has his own struggles. I may have mentioned that due to his insanely loud snoring, he now sleeps on the couch full-time. Not sure to what extent that bothers either of us, but let's face it, it's not ideal and it's not good for our marriage. (Some of you may be tempted to suggest I try earplugs, and I have, and they do not work.) I'm also somewhat trapped in the bed. I can't move to the couch to see if a change of venue helps me sleep. I can't engage in another project if I'm awake - I am relegated to the bed. There isn't any room at present to put a desk or table in the bedroom, and I'm not putting a television in there - the laptop is bad enough.
I've watched a series of bad movies, a handful of good movies, a LOT of television series, mostly British, increasingly mundane, and it almost seems as if I am too anxious and/or depressed to live in reality. Which, if you think about it, reality sucks anyway, so why bother? Kidding -- I would love to be back in reality, making my own fun, having a LIFE.
Enough of that. Send a life boat.