Blah blah.
It's Friday and apparently, a holiday. The thing with freelance and bonking around between two jobs is that you're never QUITE in the loop. So I'm sitting alone in a lonely office working on the Dumbest Video Ever, courtesy of my "managers" who forgot to tell me that the thing was going to be shown on Monday morning, thus allowing me to work late last night instead of buggering around with it today.
Plus, I'm all pissy in general because I'm tired all the time. ALL THE TIME. I'm usually very tired, but this seems beyond the pale. I blame vidding. I have stayed up late at least two nights this week working on vids because it's fucking addicting. And I have a lot to learn and apparently I cannot let it go once I need to know something. And Soundtrack Pro cannot be learned in 20 minutes, unfortunately. And there is still an annoying "nip" in my song that will bug me forever. Plus, it's hard to sleep after you've been staring at Sherlock and John over and over and over. Trust me.
Tonight I have laundry, and cleaning, and I just want to hide under the covers. I realized I am just going to have to live with the allergy problem because between the two jobs and all the other stuff, there is no way I can get to the doctor's office twice a week for shots. I just cannot. It's not physically possible, given the time and place. Maybe later I can do that, but now, there's no point in worrying about the need to do something that is impossible to do. Now, if doctors had weekend hours...
The optimism and good will I had after London has evaporated, and I knew it would, I'm actually pleased I held onto it as long as I did. Now I just feel perpetually behind, hamster on a wheel, Sisyphus behind the rock, painted beige. I've definitely fallen behind on fandom - haven't seen Game of Thrones, haven't read a huge chunk of Sherlock fic that I'd wanted to, haven't cross-posted my own fic, haven't written... it was a major thing that I finally saw The Eagle. I hope that I can actually have time to see Doctor Who this weekend - that's how bad things are getting. (Except for vidding, which is clearly a fannish activity, but one that is insular and isolating and time-consuming with limited results compared to fic.)
Also, dammit, I have used the two words I had hoped not to have to use this year: marital problems. They are icky and yucky and I do not want. And they are all too easy to ignore since we're working all the time and have the ships passing in the night schedules.
It's the sort of mood where even porn doesn't help. What is that? I don't know, but it's heinous.
Plus, I'm all pissy in general because I'm tired all the time. ALL THE TIME. I'm usually very tired, but this seems beyond the pale. I blame vidding. I have stayed up late at least two nights this week working on vids because it's fucking addicting. And I have a lot to learn and apparently I cannot let it go once I need to know something. And Soundtrack Pro cannot be learned in 20 minutes, unfortunately. And there is still an annoying "nip" in my song that will bug me forever. Plus, it's hard to sleep after you've been staring at Sherlock and John over and over and over. Trust me.
Tonight I have laundry, and cleaning, and I just want to hide under the covers. I realized I am just going to have to live with the allergy problem because between the two jobs and all the other stuff, there is no way I can get to the doctor's office twice a week for shots. I just cannot. It's not physically possible, given the time and place. Maybe later I can do that, but now, there's no point in worrying about the need to do something that is impossible to do. Now, if doctors had weekend hours...
The optimism and good will I had after London has evaporated, and I knew it would, I'm actually pleased I held onto it as long as I did. Now I just feel perpetually behind, hamster on a wheel, Sisyphus behind the rock, painted beige. I've definitely fallen behind on fandom - haven't seen Game of Thrones, haven't read a huge chunk of Sherlock fic that I'd wanted to, haven't cross-posted my own fic, haven't written... it was a major thing that I finally saw The Eagle. I hope that I can actually have time to see Doctor Who this weekend - that's how bad things are getting. (Except for vidding, which is clearly a fannish activity, but one that is insular and isolating and time-consuming with limited results compared to fic.)
Also, dammit, I have used the two words I had hoped not to have to use this year: marital problems. They are icky and yucky and I do not want. And they are all too easy to ignore since we're working all the time and have the ships passing in the night schedules.
It's the sort of mood where even porn doesn't help. What is that? I don't know, but it's heinous.