so. yeah.
okay. so, yes, for all of you who were wondering, my biggest poker crush, daniel negraneau, was TOTALLY in the tournament of champions last night. he didn't do terribly well, but he didn't do terribly badly, either, so i got to be all crushy for like, a good solid hour. it was goodtimes.
i worked out the scheduling thing last night by half-assed watching the first episode of popular while i unwrapped and started to play with my ibook and ipod, then half-assed flipping between gilmore girls and the tournament of champions, then watching the end of the tournament (while still kinda playing with my ibook and ipod), then watching gilmore girls (which i'd taped -- w00t!), then watching the first episode of popular again (which really didn't deserve it, since really? that first episode? SOOO too sincere!!!!). of course, my mom HAD to come home towards the end of the second showing of popular, which pissed me off to no end, because then she kept asking all these totally retarded questions, and THEN she started fighting with me afterwards, and THEN she started being all, "if you're not out by january 15th, your shit will be", so yeah. but what're you gonna do?
well, now, THIS does NOT seem right, considering that i guessed at 99% of the answers.....
Congratulations you have achieved level 4 witch
status... you have studied hard and learned
well!!
What Level of Witch are you
brought to you by Quizilla
and this is just as surprising, if not more so.
You have White Wings! Pure and innocent, your
kindness attracts other people toward you. You
can be shy and quite, but when others know you
better, they realize you are fun and bubbly.
You hate it when other around you are sad, and
always see the good in everyone and everything.
Chances are you either help in the shelter, or
are a tutor in school. You are very kind and
friendly, but also quite nave. Dont be fooled
by looks. Some things do go bump in the night.
What Color are your wings?(Mainly for Girls)Beautiful Pix!
brought to you by Quizilla
Air Faery
Ultimite Faery Test
brought to you by Quizilla
okay. i'm going to fucking scream for like, an hour at the next person who uses the fact that i'm at work as an excuse to get out of "talking" to me!!!!!!!! if i didn't want to talk to you, then why the FUCK would i be talking to you in the first place?!?!?!
i'm not better now, but i AM going to move the hell on. because i have TOO much going on to be pissed off at little shit like whatever the fuck is going on in this motherfucking "situation" that i'm apparently some part of (because people are like, upset at me or avoiding me or not talking to me or just don't talk in general or just WHATEVER THE FUCK) but NOT involving me in. i mean, really: how the fuck did i get involved in melodrama from across the motherfucking COUNTRY????
i feel like i could frickin' explode right now.
it's about an hour after i wrote all of that. i'm not quite so explodey anymore, but i am still frickin' upset. people think one thing, say another, and *admit* to something else entirely when confronted. do people not understand the subtleties of tone of voice? of phrasing? of word choice? i mean, i really don't understand it.
it doesn't matter. what matters is, it's six o'clock, and the only reason i'm still sitting here at work is to do this. whee! my mom's cable modem still hasn't arrived, so i can't really go home and do much of anything with my laptop or my ipod (since what's the point of trying to load an entire collection of cds onto an ipod when you have to enter in the song and album information for the cd, when you can just wait a day or two for the cable modem to appear and get it off the internet?), but i'm gonna go home, watch an episode of popular, go out to dinner with her highness (who wants burgers -- i mean, shit, man, when is she gonna learn that the only time i eat burgers is when i'm feeling anemic??), then come home and watch *another* episode or two of popular. whee!
what also matters is that the reappearance of the great and all-powerful oz has really upset me. my mind, my world, my entire existence. i'm trying not to let it, and i'm trying not to let myself, but really, all i wanna do is write him an email and tell him that i want to see him when i come to visit, and can he make time for lil' ol' me, and can i see my kids, and can i see my friends and family, and does he mind terribly if i just end up spending the entire time i'm there hanging out with him, getting to know him again, absorbing his essence so that i don't feel quite so empty so much of the time, so alone, so terribly unhappy if i actually pay attention to it rather than ignore it like i do every other pain i feel?? of course, if he's reading his friends page anytime soon, he's very possibly reading this (since i'm *on* his friends list...), and then where am i? what will he say? probably nothing. what will he think? probably, "god, i'm so glad i got rid of that wretched whore! she's such a fruitcake!"
which, i probably am. but i'm also a girl who, not a YEAR ago, was madly in love with the most beautiful, most wonderful, most challenging and complicated man on earth. i was in a relationship that, as little sense as it may have made to the rest of the world, was the PERFECT relationship for me, a person WAY too complicated, twisted and fucked up for my own good. i had a family. i had kids. i was SO happy. so happy.
and it doesn't matter how false, how wrong that happiness was. i *thought* i was happy; therefore, i was happy. "i think, therefore i am."
most importantly, i miss my best friend. i miss my best friendS. i miss my kids (so much, every minute of every day). i miss my daddy and i miss my loves and i miss my lovers and i miss my challengers. i miss the whole world that i had in one person. i miss the one person that was my whole world.
i know it's not healthy. i know it's not right. but i miss it anyway. see what a mess i am?
mwah.
~a
i worked out the scheduling thing last night by half-assed watching the first episode of popular while i unwrapped and started to play with my ibook and ipod, then half-assed flipping between gilmore girls and the tournament of champions, then watching the end of the tournament (while still kinda playing with my ibook and ipod), then watching gilmore girls (which i'd taped -- w00t!), then watching the first episode of popular again (which really didn't deserve it, since really? that first episode? SOOO too sincere!!!!). of course, my mom HAD to come home towards the end of the second showing of popular, which pissed me off to no end, because then she kept asking all these totally retarded questions, and THEN she started fighting with me afterwards, and THEN she started being all, "if you're not out by january 15th, your shit will be", so yeah. but what're you gonna do?
well, now, THIS does NOT seem right, considering that i guessed at 99% of the answers.....
Congratulations you have achieved level 4 witch
status... you have studied hard and learned
well!!
What Level of Witch are you
brought to you by Quizilla
and this is just as surprising, if not more so.
You have White Wings! Pure and innocent, your
kindness attracts other people toward you. You
can be shy and quite, but when others know you
better, they realize you are fun and bubbly.
You hate it when other around you are sad, and
always see the good in everyone and everything.
Chances are you either help in the shelter, or
are a tutor in school. You are very kind and
friendly, but also quite nave. Dont be fooled
by looks. Some things do go bump in the night.
What Color are your wings?(Mainly for Girls)Beautiful Pix!
brought to you by Quizilla
Air Faery
Ultimite Faery Test
brought to you by Quizilla
okay. i'm going to fucking scream for like, an hour at the next person who uses the fact that i'm at work as an excuse to get out of "talking" to me!!!!!!!! if i didn't want to talk to you, then why the FUCK would i be talking to you in the first place?!?!?!
i'm not better now, but i AM going to move the hell on. because i have TOO much going on to be pissed off at little shit like whatever the fuck is going on in this motherfucking "situation" that i'm apparently some part of (because people are like, upset at me or avoiding me or not talking to me or just don't talk in general or just WHATEVER THE FUCK) but NOT involving me in. i mean, really: how the fuck did i get involved in melodrama from across the motherfucking COUNTRY????
i feel like i could frickin' explode right now.
it's about an hour after i wrote all of that. i'm not quite so explodey anymore, but i am still frickin' upset. people think one thing, say another, and *admit* to something else entirely when confronted. do people not understand the subtleties of tone of voice? of phrasing? of word choice? i mean, i really don't understand it.
it doesn't matter. what matters is, it's six o'clock, and the only reason i'm still sitting here at work is to do this. whee! my mom's cable modem still hasn't arrived, so i can't really go home and do much of anything with my laptop or my ipod (since what's the point of trying to load an entire collection of cds onto an ipod when you have to enter in the song and album information for the cd, when you can just wait a day or two for the cable modem to appear and get it off the internet?), but i'm gonna go home, watch an episode of popular, go out to dinner with her highness (who wants burgers -- i mean, shit, man, when is she gonna learn that the only time i eat burgers is when i'm feeling anemic??), then come home and watch *another* episode or two of popular. whee!
what also matters is that the reappearance of the great and all-powerful oz has really upset me. my mind, my world, my entire existence. i'm trying not to let it, and i'm trying not to let myself, but really, all i wanna do is write him an email and tell him that i want to see him when i come to visit, and can he make time for lil' ol' me, and can i see my kids, and can i see my friends and family, and does he mind terribly if i just end up spending the entire time i'm there hanging out with him, getting to know him again, absorbing his essence so that i don't feel quite so empty so much of the time, so alone, so terribly unhappy if i actually pay attention to it rather than ignore it like i do every other pain i feel?? of course, if he's reading his friends page anytime soon, he's very possibly reading this (since i'm *on* his friends list...), and then where am i? what will he say? probably nothing. what will he think? probably, "god, i'm so glad i got rid of that wretched whore! she's such a fruitcake!"
which, i probably am. but i'm also a girl who, not a YEAR ago, was madly in love with the most beautiful, most wonderful, most challenging and complicated man on earth. i was in a relationship that, as little sense as it may have made to the rest of the world, was the PERFECT relationship for me, a person WAY too complicated, twisted and fucked up for my own good. i had a family. i had kids. i was SO happy. so happy.
and it doesn't matter how false, how wrong that happiness was. i *thought* i was happy; therefore, i was happy. "i think, therefore i am."
most importantly, i miss my best friend. i miss my best friendS. i miss my kids (so much, every minute of every day). i miss my daddy and i miss my loves and i miss my lovers and i miss my challengers. i miss the whole world that i had in one person. i miss the one person that was my whole world.
i know it's not healthy. i know it's not right. but i miss it anyway. see what a mess i am?
mwah.
~a