I don't wanna be my mom.
Now, don't get me wrong: my mom is a fucking amazing woman. She basically ran off and threw away all of her parents' hopes and dreams to marry my dad and have my brother and me. She's smart as hell, clawed her way through college and into a six-figure job, works her ass off, and is such a good writer, it hurts sometimes. (She's also more than a little crazy, probably clinically bipolar, and a victim forever, but that's not what we're here to talk about.)
But she's also now 50-something and miserable, stuck working 80 hours a week in a thankless job, and her whole life outside of work is shopping and ordering my stepdad around. She's insecure, she doesn't stand up for herself except when it's safe, canNOT be alone with her thoughts, and she constantly needs validation to feel...well, anything. And I know I don't want that. At all. Ever.
I need to figure out how to figure out what I want from my life. I know I love music, and sound, and learning, and doing, and solving puzzles. But what does that mean? How do I take all of that and make it work with what I've spent the last ten years wasting my life working on developing and growing a skillset in? Does it, even? Does anything besides my understanding of how businesses work actually translate to a more creative landscape? And if so, how do I convince potential employers of that?
I saw "Begin Again" this weekend, and I left it feeling so inspired. But inspired to do what? Nothing. Nothing tangible, anyway; nothing specific. How do you translate inspiration into action? How do you translate inspiration into reality? Somewhere along the way, I lost that. I don't know how to pick it back up. How do I pick it back up?
Crossposted from Dreamwidth -- read comments.
(Please comment there using OpenID.)
But she's also now 50-something and miserable, stuck working 80 hours a week in a thankless job, and her whole life outside of work is shopping and ordering my stepdad around. She's insecure, she doesn't stand up for herself except when it's safe, canNOT be alone with her thoughts, and she constantly needs validation to feel...well, anything. And I know I don't want that. At all. Ever.
I need to figure out how to figure out what I want from my life. I know I love music, and sound, and learning, and doing, and solving puzzles. But what does that mean? How do I take all of that and make it work with what I've spent the last ten years wasting my life working on developing and growing a skillset in? Does it, even? Does anything besides my understanding of how businesses work actually translate to a more creative landscape? And if so, how do I convince potential employers of that?
I saw "Begin Again" this weekend, and I left it feeling so inspired. But inspired to do what? Nothing. Nothing tangible, anyway; nothing specific. How do you translate inspiration into action? How do you translate inspiration into reality? Somewhere along the way, I lost that. I don't know how to pick it back up. How do I pick it back up?
Crossposted from Dreamwidth -- read comments.
(Please comment there using OpenID.)