(no subject)
it's been a long week which i've spent basically hiding from existence and redefining the word 'emo'. um. and it's not really that i have much to say right this second. it's just that i want to recap for the sake of my own sanity, so that, a year from now, when i'm once again trying to figure out if my mood swings have any sort of seasonal pattern, i have something to look back at and say, "huh." (since, thus far, the consensus is "probably, but with no definitive proof", i don't exactly have my hopes up.)
my brother got in a car accident friday night while he was delivering. it wasn't like, horrific -- he's fine, and the car is still driveable, although it looks icky -- but it was really emotional. especially since daddy dearest decided to play the role of cold, distant dad this week and not even ask if drew was okay before starting to give him grief. his defense when i called him to ascertain whether or not the story both drew and mom were giving me? "he TOLD me he was okay, that was the first thing he said." my response was, "well, he walked in the door and i could see he was fine, and i STILL asked him if he was okay." and also showing up as exhibit a is the fact that he's OBVIOUSLY not okay, he was shook up and all sorts of upset about it. so basically, a good week was had by all, especially in the automobile department (as evidenced by my cracking my front bumper on monday, way to bookend the week, mi familia!!).
and then last night i went to get mom and jimmy at the airport, which was an adventure. i actually think i did pretty damn good, and mom was REALLY much better about the bumper thing than i thought she would be, and she didn't throw up in my back seat or give me TOO much of a hard time about my driving, which was a huge step for us. i mean, make no mistake, she did give me a hard time, it just wasn't *too* much of a hard time, if that makes any sense at all.
i was thinking earlier tonight that i've been kind of a bitch at work lately. the problem is, i don't really know how to fix it. i don't think i'm being terribly unreasonable about the content of what i'm saying....but maybe the way i've been saying it lately could use some work. maybe i've been a little belligerent lately, for example. and maybe i've been a little....neurotic. i mean, obviously, anyone who's still reading this here journal knows *full well* that i'm a neurotic mess. but i usually do a fairly decent job of hiding it at work. and maybe i haven't been lately. so maybe i should work on that by like, i don't know. not talking to people as much? listening to my ipod more often at work? i mean, i do that a lot of the time, but maybe i should make it a like, standard thing rather than just an occasional thing. like, maybe i should make an effort just to lock myself in my cubicle and not come out unless it's like, absolutely necessary or something. and maybe i should try to come up with some new ideas for projects. because i think i'm starting to feel.....well, frazzled, certainly, but without much in the way of *actual* challenge lately. like, so much of what i've been running around like a crazy person to get done lately has been so *simplistic*, so routine. maybe i need to like, set aside a half hour a day or something to spend working on a project i actually enjoy. i don't know. all i know is i need to come up with something, because i can like, *feel* my social skills decreasing as the weeks go on. and that's not a good thing, especially when it's becoming more and more necessary for me to actually *deal* with clients (as opposed to being able to have someone else handle them for me).
anyway. that's enough babbling out of me for tonight, methinks! thanks to anyone who waded through all of this, and i totally understand anyone who didn't. :)
mwah!
~a
ps. still taking interviewees as part of the interview meme! please play, i love having questions to answer, and to have that, y'all need to post it yourselves. :P
my brother got in a car accident friday night while he was delivering. it wasn't like, horrific -- he's fine, and the car is still driveable, although it looks icky -- but it was really emotional. especially since daddy dearest decided to play the role of cold, distant dad this week and not even ask if drew was okay before starting to give him grief. his defense when i called him to ascertain whether or not the story both drew and mom were giving me? "he TOLD me he was okay, that was the first thing he said." my response was, "well, he walked in the door and i could see he was fine, and i STILL asked him if he was okay." and also showing up as exhibit a is the fact that he's OBVIOUSLY not okay, he was shook up and all sorts of upset about it. so basically, a good week was had by all, especially in the automobile department (as evidenced by my cracking my front bumper on monday, way to bookend the week, mi familia!!).
and then last night i went to get mom and jimmy at the airport, which was an adventure. i actually think i did pretty damn good, and mom was REALLY much better about the bumper thing than i thought she would be, and she didn't throw up in my back seat or give me TOO much of a hard time about my driving, which was a huge step for us. i mean, make no mistake, she did give me a hard time, it just wasn't *too* much of a hard time, if that makes any sense at all.
i was thinking earlier tonight that i've been kind of a bitch at work lately. the problem is, i don't really know how to fix it. i don't think i'm being terribly unreasonable about the content of what i'm saying....but maybe the way i've been saying it lately could use some work. maybe i've been a little belligerent lately, for example. and maybe i've been a little....neurotic. i mean, obviously, anyone who's still reading this here journal knows *full well* that i'm a neurotic mess. but i usually do a fairly decent job of hiding it at work. and maybe i haven't been lately. so maybe i should work on that by like, i don't know. not talking to people as much? listening to my ipod more often at work? i mean, i do that a lot of the time, but maybe i should make it a like, standard thing rather than just an occasional thing. like, maybe i should make an effort just to lock myself in my cubicle and not come out unless it's like, absolutely necessary or something. and maybe i should try to come up with some new ideas for projects. because i think i'm starting to feel.....well, frazzled, certainly, but without much in the way of *actual* challenge lately. like, so much of what i've been running around like a crazy person to get done lately has been so *simplistic*, so routine. maybe i need to like, set aside a half hour a day or something to spend working on a project i actually enjoy. i don't know. all i know is i need to come up with something, because i can like, *feel* my social skills decreasing as the weeks go on. and that's not a good thing, especially when it's becoming more and more necessary for me to actually *deal* with clients (as opposed to being able to have someone else handle them for me).
anyway. that's enough babbling out of me for tonight, methinks! thanks to anyone who waded through all of this, and i totally understand anyone who didn't. :)
mwah!
~a
ps. still taking interviewees as part of the interview meme! please play, i love having questions to answer, and to have that, y'all need to post it yourselves. :P