in the name of what is wrong with the world...

[alivegurl]

oooohh PC  how i've missed you for so loooong~~ i  have been so swamped with tests and assignments and german lessons and cram schools and japanese lessons [well actually, japanese courses aren't that bad, they barely keep me busy] lately that i barely have enough time to go online or have access to my PC. that also means i haven't been CG-ing lately and i haven't continued my stories and EVERYTHING! man, i seriously need a break. but once i got a chance to actually relax, i feel i relax too much and start doing stuff again. dammit me! what is the matter with you?!!

anyway, everything's been really swamping me lately [even with my not going to my german courses for some time and cut my cram schools half a dozen times], especially since my birthday event [i refuse to call it a party since it makes me sound so.....rich-like, which i am not] coming up tomorrow and i got two weeks to think about it and it all went wrong and now i am on the verge of hopelessness. whoever wants to come, come...whoever doesn't, i don't give a damn.

being away from the PC for so long, i realize some things:

1. I am happier without being so sucked into my PC. When I used to use the PC so much, i always check how many people are online or what people are making online and everything. I get depressed easily by the small amount of people actually going online. I thought, 'what is wrong? how come no one's online?' and i felt lonely so easily. How stupid was that!
2. Without having to look at the list of people who are online, i don't feel lonely so easily. The assignments and lessons sure help, though. i am too busy to feel lonely or get upset or, well....get bored. i have way too many activities to sit back and be bored.
3. I feel, though, that maybe i am getting further and further away from art and everything and i am even more scared i forgot how to actually draw like one of my friends claimed. i don't want to forget. it's all i have, it's all i ever aim for. i know this is total exaggeration, but it's not.

sooo...........i don't have much else to say. i just wanna say to a certain friend of mine [not that he will actually read this] who indirectly shows that soccer is more important than his friend, i hope you're happy tomorrow when you decide not to go to my event coz the next time we meet, i might not know who you are anymore, just like you when you've forgotten all about me.