What Is Friendship?
Quite recently, I had a little bit of an issue with a so-called 'friend' of mine. It's so strange. I didn't really see it as an issue before she apologised to me. And now you think I'm such a horrible person for not just forgiving her like that. But before you come to any conclusion, let me just tell you what the problem is all about.
To her, this all started around June when she disappeared from the social networking sites. That's fine, that's her choice, I have no problem with that. I know lots of people who don't update their every whereabout online. We don't live in the same town so the only we can get in touch was through the internet - social networking sites or chatting applications. After a few weeks, I tried contacting her. And she didn't reply. For two whole months. Which, basically, is no big deal. I thought that was the kind of person she was, that she didn't think of me as anything precious or good. And I understand that, I also don't keep in contact with just about everyone, not even her. But that's because I feel like there's nothing I want to tell her, nothing she'd want to hear, etc. One day, out of the blue, she contacted me, saying she felt sorry about what she did, that she treated me badly though she knew I mean well. Though she thought I was a good friend, though she may or may not hold me dear. She said she would explain herself if I forgive her, which is asking a lot after all the things she's done. This seems to be overdramatised so I'll explain.
This 'friend' has a blog, let me just tell you. She also sometimes blogs about the outfits that she wears, her wishlist, random rants, etc. I like to go to her blog, flipping through her posts. A month or so before she disappeared, her blog was made private. Or at least, that's what the internet told me when I tried to open it. I asked her about it. For some apparent reason, she couldn't find it in herself to tell me the truth. She said she didn't know what happened, that she hadn't opened her blog in forever. I am one of those people who treasure honesty in its rawest form. I believed what she said. Until her blog once again went public and there were plenty of posts saying that she was so glad she made her blog private. That the nosey people could stop minding her business. I felt betrayed. So I asked her. Was I one of them? Was I one of those nosey people? No, she said. You've been so kind to me, I wasn't talking about you. Then why, I asked, did you feel the need to lie? She apologised, giving me no reason. It was her choice, I understand that. I just cannot, to this day, understand why she felt like she had to lie to me about it.
We're not the best of friends. I daresay we're not even that close. But she does what she likes then comes back telling me I'm a kind person, that she would love to be friends with me, that she holds me dear. But is this really how you treat people who are kind to you? Is this how you treat people you hold dear? If yes, then I'd like to be your enemy, you must treat them like a king. Because, apparently, you live in a topsy turvy world. Where your friends get the worst treatment and your enemies the best of jewels. I'm fine if you decide I'm not important enough to know the truth, if I'm not precious enough to keep close, I'm pretty okay with that. I'm used to that. But please, do me a favour. Don't come back and tell me I'm the most special person in the world just to throw a lie at my face. Go to a mountain, meditate, make up your mind then come tell me what you want. I have no time for mind games. Even Firu never does it to me and they say love is a game. But you. What privilege have you got to send my mind running for a clue in your puzzle of a world?
I'm not sure she would read this, which isn't even my intention. She wouldn't be able to handle the truth, my whole rage and humongous feelings. If she did, she would probably cry or run the other way. Yes, run you! Run like a little bitch you are! Stop filling my head with bullshits. This is exactly why I hate girls. Thought I could start to understand them and we could all be in a mature friendship. Huh, apparently some girls don't grow up at all.
To her, this all started around June when she disappeared from the social networking sites. That's fine, that's her choice, I have no problem with that. I know lots of people who don't update their every whereabout online. We don't live in the same town so the only we can get in touch was through the internet - social networking sites or chatting applications. After a few weeks, I tried contacting her. And she didn't reply. For two whole months. Which, basically, is no big deal. I thought that was the kind of person she was, that she didn't think of me as anything precious or good. And I understand that, I also don't keep in contact with just about everyone, not even her. But that's because I feel like there's nothing I want to tell her, nothing she'd want to hear, etc. One day, out of the blue, she contacted me, saying she felt sorry about what she did, that she treated me badly though she knew I mean well. Though she thought I was a good friend, though she may or may not hold me dear. She said she would explain herself if I forgive her, which is asking a lot after all the things she's done. This seems to be overdramatised so I'll explain.
This 'friend' has a blog, let me just tell you. She also sometimes blogs about the outfits that she wears, her wishlist, random rants, etc. I like to go to her blog, flipping through her posts. A month or so before she disappeared, her blog was made private. Or at least, that's what the internet told me when I tried to open it. I asked her about it. For some apparent reason, she couldn't find it in herself to tell me the truth. She said she didn't know what happened, that she hadn't opened her blog in forever. I am one of those people who treasure honesty in its rawest form. I believed what she said. Until her blog once again went public and there were plenty of posts saying that she was so glad she made her blog private. That the nosey people could stop minding her business. I felt betrayed. So I asked her. Was I one of them? Was I one of those nosey people? No, she said. You've been so kind to me, I wasn't talking about you. Then why, I asked, did you feel the need to lie? She apologised, giving me no reason. It was her choice, I understand that. I just cannot, to this day, understand why she felt like she had to lie to me about it.
We're not the best of friends. I daresay we're not even that close. But she does what she likes then comes back telling me I'm a kind person, that she would love to be friends with me, that she holds me dear. But is this really how you treat people who are kind to you? Is this how you treat people you hold dear? If yes, then I'd like to be your enemy, you must treat them like a king. Because, apparently, you live in a topsy turvy world. Where your friends get the worst treatment and your enemies the best of jewels. I'm fine if you decide I'm not important enough to know the truth, if I'm not precious enough to keep close, I'm pretty okay with that. I'm used to that. But please, do me a favour. Don't come back and tell me I'm the most special person in the world just to throw a lie at my face. Go to a mountain, meditate, make up your mind then come tell me what you want. I have no time for mind games. Even Firu never does it to me and they say love is a game. But you. What privilege have you got to send my mind running for a clue in your puzzle of a world?
I'm not sure she would read this, which isn't even my intention. She wouldn't be able to handle the truth, my whole rage and humongous feelings. If she did, she would probably cry or run the other way. Yes, run you! Run like a little bitch you are! Stop filling my head with bullshits. This is exactly why I hate girls. Thought I could start to understand them and we could all be in a mature friendship. Huh, apparently some girls don't grow up at all.