From the Outside Looking In
Sometimes in life, I stumble upon golden moments. The brightest would have to be the last year of middle school. That was the most memorable, bittersweet year of my life. That was the year my mother died. That was the year everyone knew my name. That was the year I hurt so many people. That was the year we laughed the hardest. That was the best year of my life. The years afterwards, I still talked about that year like the sweetest dream I'd ever had. Once upon a time, someone told me that he/she didn't feel as happy as I was during this golden year. He/she said that they were happier afterwards. It was like my imagination was quickly shattered, my idea of that year being so bright and shimmering. How could I miss...the unhappiness of someone so close to me while I was showered with all these emotions? I should have been able to see it, right? When someone is this close, how can you miss it, right?
Here is something I thought. Recently I've been watching an anime series. In this anime, there are around five main characters, one of which seems to know everyone else's secrets. It was made clear to me. It was mostly because she was more of an outsider to the group than part of it. She was the spectator, seeing things as they go. That's why she was so capable of telling what was going on. This kind of comforts me. I'm not an outsider. That's how I missed it. Whatever he/she was feeling, I was there, next to her, too into the moment to notice. Sure, he/she had some hard times and we were all there to go through the same thing. But we were all too into our own emotions to notice something off. It wasn't a big deal, thank God. I felt very bad for several months for missing this simple little detail but...well, now we're all happy so what does it matter.
I used to think myself as a spectator. Maybe I was too, laughing with everyone whilst all the while feeling like I didn't belong. Oh, but I don't feel so anymore. With the right people, there really isn't a reason to feel that way, am I right?
Here is something I thought. Recently I've been watching an anime series. In this anime, there are around five main characters, one of which seems to know everyone else's secrets. It was made clear to me. It was mostly because she was more of an outsider to the group than part of it. She was the spectator, seeing things as they go. That's why she was so capable of telling what was going on. This kind of comforts me. I'm not an outsider. That's how I missed it. Whatever he/she was feeling, I was there, next to her, too into the moment to notice. Sure, he/she had some hard times and we were all there to go through the same thing. But we were all too into our own emotions to notice something off. It wasn't a big deal, thank God. I felt very bad for several months for missing this simple little detail but...well, now we're all happy so what does it matter.
I used to think myself as a spectator. Maybe I was too, laughing with everyone whilst all the while feeling like I didn't belong. Oh, but I don't feel so anymore. With the right people, there really isn't a reason to feel that way, am I right?