(Untitled)

[rosealilium]

Who: Lily and Severus
What: Lily has discovered Severus is here. Awkwardness and arguments will surely begin.
Where: Asphodel
When: Mid-Afternoon, just after their conversation
Rating: PG-13 to be safe

Comments

[tenpointsfrom]

Severus was barely making sense of all that was swirling around in his head. The appearance of Lily. His attempt to be a helpful anonymous 'friend' of sorts completely blown apart before he could even get her through half a day in the city. An entire level of emotions, and actions, tied to her inevitable arrival. He knew she would show. He had been commanded to prove his point, his allegiance. He would be far more surprised if she didn't show

[rosealilium]

She hadn't really noticed him when she walked in since she was trying to get use to the shop but the moment she heard steps her eyes were straight on him. There was no way she could mistake the older man before her from the young one she had once been friends with since he really still had the same features. There was no doubt in her mind that he was Severus and she didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. She took one step forward before stopping again.

"It wouldn't surprise me if you did."

It also didn't wash over her that he was teaching in Hogwarts so either his story about turning away from Voldemort was true or Voldemort had won. She couldn't stay still, too on edge from everything that had happened just before she woke up here and she kept anxiously brushing her red curls from her face.

"Do what you needed me here for."

[tenpointsfrom]

He kept still, letting her look as long as she wanted. It was one of the many things he knew would have to happen. After all he did die at thirty eight, come to the city then. She looked mostly as he saw her last. Briefly he felt the cool air that had hung heavy in Godric's Hollow that night, threatening to choke him but he quickly brushed that aside

[rosealilium]

The click of the lock had her slightly alarmed and not even his reasoning calmed her. Why would it when he claimed aggressive creatures could arrive at whim? She didn't follow him straight away but when she did it wasn't with ease. She was putting herself in a lot of danger and although that could be fun on occasion it wasn't when she was withought magic. She knew what he was doing and watched him quietly.

"What do these memories include?" she asked when there was an opportune moment. "And how do I know they are not forged and changed to suit what you'd have me think?"

It was entirely possible for him to lie to her like tha it wouldn't be the cruelest of things he had done to her though most of that cruelty was delivered in her own emotions whilst dealing with what he had called her.

[tenpointsfrom]

He watched the last memory he extracted slowly join the others. As he spoke he looked not at her but the pseudo pensieve.

"The moments that lead to my turning. Who I went to for help. My time as a spy for the Order from that point until present day. Not every moment of it." That would take too long, and some of the things he had to witness, to endure, he never wanted her to live with as well. Even though she didn't trust him, even though she thought he could and would raise a hand to her, he wanted to protect her. It was ingrained in his very being.

"Altered memories are never perfectly, seamlessly, altered. Even the most skilled would be hard pressed to create memories indistinguishable from the truth in the short time I have had to prepare." He sighed.

"They are unaltered. I have no reason to lie to you about this." And I want you to believe and trust me. I know this city.

[rosealilium]

Her eyes stayed on him the entire time he spoke his description of the memories. Others may not manage it but she had always been rather good at seeing through that serious stare to what he was really feeling but right now she just couldn't do it. Maybe she just didn't want to though things could have simply changed from when she knew him. She knew they wouldn't be perfect if they were altered but given it being Severus she couldn't be sure

[tenpointsfrom]

The entire time she was going through the memories he had gathered he stood by waiting. It felt as if each second dragged on for an eternity. For a few minutes he even resorted to pacing, restlessly picking at his short fingernails. He had no idea what Lily would be emerging to face him. Angry? Silent? Stunned?

But will she believe me. Without trust they would get nowhere. He could of course go back to what he had done before life outside Hogwarts permanently separated them. He could protect her from the shadows, from a distance. She would be unreachable, but safe. Two months was all that was needed ... but then what? Stop because her magic would be hers again? No. He wouldn't. He knew that already

[rosealilium]

"That wouldn't surprise me," she said softly thinking about just how Harry was even as a one year old. He was definitely James' son that was certain. She wiped at her cheeks quickly and tried to find a few more seconds to just compose herself and figure out what was going on and how to cope with this.

"You're telling the truth."

He genuinely didn't support Voldemort anymore and that was actually a shock. She had so many vivid images of him even if she just imagined them whilst they were apart. She shook her head and looked away. "You stopped supporting him."

[tenpointsfrom]

To give himself something to do he started to slowly, painfully restore all of his memories. They served their purpose. Now he could put them behind doors, locked away in his mind again. It kept him in place. They weren't children anymore. How could he attempt anything meant to be comforting now? She might recoil, hit him. The tears she wiped away cut into him already. But it was necessary, he reminded himself. She had to know something. See proof.

"You're telling the truth." It wasn't a question but he answered with a quiet "yes" anyway. A second yes followed at her second statement.

"You stopped supporting him." Of course he did.

"The Dark Lord never suspected," he said, still emptying the basin. "He may be one of the most powerful Legilimens, but he never knew how great of an Occlumens I was. Am."

[rosealilium]

{OOC: OMG I had a better tag than this written then LJ decided to muck up}

"You always were skilled at that."

Dark magic, in particular, was something he was good at despite her thinking it something no one should be skilled at. Leaning against the table more, Lily took a few more moments to really think about what was going on. Why didn't they tell her when they knew? Even if it was Dumbledore, surely she deserved to know Severus had changed? It would have given them a chance to perhaps begin to discuss the possibility of mending what had gone wrong. Though was that why she was here now? To have that opportunity?

"What made you change your mind?" About Voldemort, about following those evil beliefs.

[tenpointsfrom]

[ ooc; boo LJ how could you :| ]With no memories left to restore as a weak distraction, he reluctantly turned to face her. His lower back pressed into the basin's table. But instead of staring at her with his usual, cool, emotionless demeanor that had become his armor over the years he avoided looking at any part of her. His eyes studied the floor between them. Eventually he answered her

[rosealilium]

"All this time I thought you hated me." Lily glanced down at that feeling slightly ashamed. She shouldn't have been so easily angered but she was only a girl then and her temper had always been pretty bad. What he had said at the time had really upset her that much was certain. It still upset her. But if he had risked the anger of Voldemort then perhaps he didn't feel that way at least not any more.

"You were made for better things than them, Sev." She understood nicknames may not be wanted but she just said it naturally. She always had.

{OOC: I'll be away until Friday but if I get internet anyway I'll tag!}

[tenpointsfrom]

"I never hated you. Ever." As for who ended up her husband ... that's different. But even when he eventually came across word of their engagement his emotions were aimed at James, not her. Not apart from the desire to just speak to her again.

"And that ... word ... I never meant it. Nor have I said it since. I had to allow the students in my house to in order to keep up the facade. To not arouse suspicion, especially after the Dark Lord's return." The ghost of a smirk reaches his lips. "I went as far as to raise my voice to Phineas Nigellus' portrait in the Headmaster's office for starting to utter that word. My cover as spy would not have been blown amongst those portraits, in that office."

His hands held onto the table just a little harder. That nickname. How easily it rolled off her tongue still.

"What things Lily? With all that happened ... I was made to be a spy. Such a natural at Occlumency it impressed Albus. Pleased him even, to know he gained a skilled spy. I did my part, again and again, to atone for my mistakes. To

[rosealilium]

She looked away as he mentioned the word just as she was thinking though was glad not to hear it from him. He may have allowed it but that hurt also. He stood by and allowed others. Yes it was to maintain the position he had in Voldemort's eyes but she still didn't like it no matter what. However when she saw the slight smirk on his face, something which seemed only newly brought forward after years of hiding, she was unsure just what to think.

"You could have. We could have used you earlier in the war. You shouldn't have to hide behind a mask. And don't deny it even after all this time I can tell." She knew him well enough to see through it for the most part and to know that was what he was doing. "And the shop is what you want?"

{OOC: Sorry it's short I wanted a tag in before I go XD}

[tenpointsfrom]

Perhaps he should have explained it further. The overly huffy indignation coming from Phineas' frame for weeks over that. The mumbling as both he and Severus were Slytherins. But the moment has passed. And he suspected it might help little in light of him being bound by his role when it came to his students.

"Fully revealing myself would have brought on my death far sooner than it happened. I had to 'hide behind a mask' as you put it. I was nearly sent to Azkaban after the first war. Only Albus vouching for me spared me. All of them were ready to send me off. What sort of welcome would the Order have given me if I had stumbled in? By the second war I did actually go to the headquarters. The meetings."

He sighed. "It is what is best for my life in this city. What else could there be?" Yes he could teach again but the students he knew of were Muggles. Class wouldn't get far. "The money given to me on arrival is gone." It went into his shop but the point was still clear. He needed a job, this was the best option. What he wanted was

[rosealilium]

"Albus could have explained. The man's nuts but we trust him."

That being said she knew they would never trust Severus completely even if Dumbledore said they could. He was a traitor and that wouldn't have ended well and she also knew how she would have acted. If anyone, Lily would have been the hardest on him. It didn't matter that James and Sirius would definitely go back to their old ways it would have been her who would have been the least welcoming.

"At least you understand it all," she finally said softly. Frowning, she looked down. "That's a good point though. Even without a home to pay for that amount wont last very long."