(no subject)
I spent like a whole hour last night writing a very emotional email to *cough* detailing in no uncertain terms just why he was such an asshole, that lying and cheating for months behind my back and letting me travel half the globe to see him while he was in bed with another woman was downright low, and that he is the most self-involved, weak, pathetic creature I'd ever known.
And finally came to the conclusion that it wasn't worth the effort.
Girls are such retards when it comes to anything emotional. -_- As much as I would like to pretend I am more level headed, I know I'm just as bad, if not one of the worst.
I always thought that time would heal things and I'd just get over it and move on. Closing in on a year on, though, if anything I'm angrier and much more bitter about it than I ever was. It's like it's taking an eternity for everything to sink in, and every day brings to mind another painful angle on it all.
How do I let it go, though? What do I do to get rid of it? Do I let loose and scream at him and tell him exactly what I think of him? The damage would be irreparable, and he's so thoroughly a lawyer to the core that he would win the battle hands down and make me feel guilty for the rest of my life, no matter how irrational. Does that matter, though; should I just cut off contact completely? I've tried so, so hard to reason it all through and just put it behind me by sheer force of will, but it won't work. It's like a weird virus that's slowly building and has to break before it will get better. I don't know what to do. I don't want to cut him off completely; I'd like to believe that no matter how hideously he treated me, there's still a friendship worth salvaging there, and the fact of the matter is he brings certain depths to my life that no-one else could ever manage.
In other news, Kazen lives. *Wub!* So happy to hear from him.
Bed...
And finally came to the conclusion that it wasn't worth the effort.
Girls are such retards when it comes to anything emotional. -_- As much as I would like to pretend I am more level headed, I know I'm just as bad, if not one of the worst.
I always thought that time would heal things and I'd just get over it and move on. Closing in on a year on, though, if anything I'm angrier and much more bitter about it than I ever was. It's like it's taking an eternity for everything to sink in, and every day brings to mind another painful angle on it all.
How do I let it go, though? What do I do to get rid of it? Do I let loose and scream at him and tell him exactly what I think of him? The damage would be irreparable, and he's so thoroughly a lawyer to the core that he would win the battle hands down and make me feel guilty for the rest of my life, no matter how irrational. Does that matter, though; should I just cut off contact completely? I've tried so, so hard to reason it all through and just put it behind me by sheer force of will, but it won't work. It's like a weird virus that's slowly building and has to break before it will get better. I don't know what to do. I don't want to cut him off completely; I'd like to believe that no matter how hideously he treated me, there's still a friendship worth salvaging there, and the fact of the matter is he brings certain depths to my life that no-one else could ever manage.
In other news, Kazen lives. *Wub!* So happy to hear from him.
Bed...