(no subject)
Tomorrow morning I leave to go back down south for University, after stopping half-way down for a week's holiday with my family, out of contact with civilisation.
I just said goodbye to Josh, and I feel like a total fuckup. I messed things up with him completely. It's like at the last moment, I saw all of the things about him that were so great; he gave me a window into the sincere, trustworthy, sensitive, unique person that he is. A person that, because I was far too guarded, I will never really get to know as well as I could have. I had this sudden crushing realisation that we could have had something really great, and that it had passed me by.
It just feels too hard. Like inevitably, I'll always end up on my own.
I don't feel like I have the energy to start all over again.
I know this is mostly exhaustion talking. I always get emotional - generally depressive - when I'm tired. Soon it will pass, and I'll be excited about all the new possibilities Brisbane holds. But right now, I just can't stop crying.
Back online on the 11th/12th/13th.
I just said goodbye to Josh, and I feel like a total fuckup. I messed things up with him completely. It's like at the last moment, I saw all of the things about him that were so great; he gave me a window into the sincere, trustworthy, sensitive, unique person that he is. A person that, because I was far too guarded, I will never really get to know as well as I could have. I had this sudden crushing realisation that we could have had something really great, and that it had passed me by.
It just feels too hard. Like inevitably, I'll always end up on my own.
I don't feel like I have the energy to start all over again.
I know this is mostly exhaustion talking. I always get emotional - generally depressive - when I'm tired. Soon it will pass, and I'll be excited about all the new possibilities Brisbane holds. But right now, I just can't stop crying.
Back online on the 11th/12th/13th.