Learning to swim.
A new journal for a new life. Yesterday said goodbye to a large part of me, leaving room for nothing but new beginnings. After two years of blissful happiness, and then two months of misery and turmoil, I finally left my boyfriend. Cue heartbreak, and the end of the world as I know it.
But I refuse to be bitter. I have absolutely no regrets; I did everything right by him, and in the end he did everything wrong by me. One day he will wake up and realise just how much he lost, while at the same time I will be thanking my lucky stars that I saw the light and left. Now I am picking up the pieces, and slowly finding the parts of myself I abandoned for him; and to my surprise, I like the old person much better.
Not that it was his fault. He never asked me to give up anything; I just let myself become overwhelmed. Love is a drug, I have heard, and I was an absolute junkie. I sold up everything that I stood for for just a few more hits of it.
Never again. Next time, I will not lose myself.
I am scared, so scared that no-one else will ever love me as much as he used to. It feels at times like I will be alone forever. But at the same time I am excited at all the new possibilities, and the newfound freedom. There is suddenly a whole world out there to be conquered.
To use Ani's words, I will learn how to swim.
You keep telling me I'm beautiful
But I feel a little less so each time...
Your love is so colourful
It flashes like a neon sign
But I finally drove out where
The sky is dark enough to see stars
And I found I missed no-one
Just listening to the swishing of distant cars
I hope I never see
The ocean again
Pushing and pulling at me
As I go deeper and deeper in
'till I'm so far from my shore
So far from what I came here for
I let you surround me
I let you drown me
Out in your din...
And then I learned how to swim
I was floating above myself
Watching her do just what you wanted
Poor little friendly ghost
Wondering why her whole house feels haunted
I told myself I was strong enough
That I had plenty of blood to give
And each elbow cradled a needle
But listless and faint aint no way to live
So I hope I never see
The ocean again
Pushing and pulling at me
As I go deeper and deeper in
Till I'm so far from my shore
So far from what I came here for
I let you surround me
I let you drown me
Out with your din
And then I learned how to swim
You keep telling me I'm beautiful
But I feel a little less so each time...
Your love is so colourful
It flashes like a neon sign
But I finally drove out where
The sky is dark enough to see stars
And I found I missed no-one
Just listening to the swishing of distant cars...
But I refuse to be bitter. I have absolutely no regrets; I did everything right by him, and in the end he did everything wrong by me. One day he will wake up and realise just how much he lost, while at the same time I will be thanking my lucky stars that I saw the light and left. Now I am picking up the pieces, and slowly finding the parts of myself I abandoned for him; and to my surprise, I like the old person much better.
Not that it was his fault. He never asked me to give up anything; I just let myself become overwhelmed. Love is a drug, I have heard, and I was an absolute junkie. I sold up everything that I stood for for just a few more hits of it.
Never again. Next time, I will not lose myself.
I am scared, so scared that no-one else will ever love me as much as he used to. It feels at times like I will be alone forever. But at the same time I am excited at all the new possibilities, and the newfound freedom. There is suddenly a whole world out there to be conquered.
To use Ani's words, I will learn how to swim.
You keep telling me I'm beautiful
But I feel a little less so each time...
Your love is so colourful
It flashes like a neon sign
But I finally drove out where
The sky is dark enough to see stars
And I found I missed no-one
Just listening to the swishing of distant cars
I hope I never see
The ocean again
Pushing and pulling at me
As I go deeper and deeper in
'till I'm so far from my shore
So far from what I came here for
I let you surround me
I let you drown me
Out in your din...
And then I learned how to swim
I was floating above myself
Watching her do just what you wanted
Poor little friendly ghost
Wondering why her whole house feels haunted
I told myself I was strong enough
That I had plenty of blood to give
And each elbow cradled a needle
But listless and faint aint no way to live
So I hope I never see
The ocean again
Pushing and pulling at me
As I go deeper and deeper in
Till I'm so far from my shore
So far from what I came here for
I let you surround me
I let you drown me
Out with your din
And then I learned how to swim
You keep telling me I'm beautiful
But I feel a little less so each time...
Your love is so colourful
It flashes like a neon sign
But I finally drove out where
The sky is dark enough to see stars
And I found I missed no-one
Just listening to the swishing of distant cars...