(no subject)
and you're thinking to yourself...is it love? it can't be love. it's simply fucking impossible. why is that? you haven't seen him in over a year. and you don't just fall like that. love takes time, right? i mean the first words out of his mouth when he figured out the girl sitting at her computer behind that silly sn were "i love you mah" and of course you responded in your natural allcool chill way "thanks brah haha love ya 2" and even though it was a completely platonic "i love you" coming from him, you actually ment it when you said it back and it hurts so bad. it hurts so bad because you know he's not even close to thinking what you're thinking.
it's like you think you're over someone and you haven't seen them for so long that you feel like it doesn't even matter. it doesn't even matter if you're feeling anything because they couldn't possibly feel anything for you. right? but you still wonder if he still thinks about you too or if you're just a sorry sap who can't find anyone special. and before you know it, you're degrading yourself and trying to talk yourself out of whatever the hell you think you're feeling because you know he doesn't feel the same way. and you start thinking how sad it is that your so desprately obvious and obviously desprate with every fucking guy you meet and they can tell. they can tell. and even though you tell yourself you're just looking for love and that's why your this way...you know that's not the truth because you're already in love.
and it's sad. and it just hurts so bad because he's unforgettable and you know he's forgotten you. you want to cry, but it's like crying's not enough. so maybe you'll scream a little, okay a lot. but that still can't express this feeling that you've never felt for anyone else but him. and this pain your experiencing-there's just no way to get rid of it and there's no one else who could cause you this much pain without even knowing. and that fact right there makes it hurt even more, if that's possible...
you try to be happy and keep yourself busy doing things that you love and hanging out with your friends. but then you remember...you remember what it's like when your with him, when your side by side and you can even smell his sweet breath and the fresh sent of his hair...you don't have to TRY so hard to be happy, you just are.
i can't get over you. you have no idea what you do to me. you don't realize how easily you make me smile. you're perfect. and we are "just friends." it's a bit ironic cause that's what i tell all the guys i have stupid flings with...i tell them "let's just be friends" cause that's what we are. and maybe in some sick sort of twisted way i hope that i'm the same girl for them as you are the boy for me because then i'll know i'm not just some psycho, that someone else out there actually as the same fucking problems.