Resolutions
I haven't written here in almost a year. So, what better time to pick it back up (we'll see how long it lasts) than with a resolutions post on New Years Day.
I didn't really think much about resolutions until someone asked me last night (this morning), and I realized that I was totally unprepared for the question. If I were to sum it all up into one, I guess would say I resolve to be more selfish in the sense that I need to own my life. I've been toying with resolutions in this area for a couple months now, so I hope it's not cheating to prescribe them to the new year.
1. No more waffling
I do not do well with big decisions. I do not do well with small decisions, for that matter. I need to make a conscious effort to know myself and know what I want. I'm not talking about this as a finite action or in respect to anything in particular. I've found that NOT knowing what I want is something of a pattern for me. I changed my major several times, and with very different goals in mind each time. Even now, I'm not totally confident that where I'm headed is where I want to be, or where I'm headed at all even. Do I want security and comfort or do I want freedom and excitement? Which brings me to 2:
2. Choose freedom and excitement
I am 22 years old, and I need to stop aspiring to standards of middle age. I could rephrase it to "no more settling." I could also rephrase it to "stop being afraid." I waffle because I'm afraid. I doubt my abilities and my decisions much more than I should. The decisions I do make are based more on what is most feasible than what will make me happy. External "should"s rule my decisions more than internal wants. I don't go for a reaction of that excited seizing up in my chest, I settle for the shrug, nod, and "this'll work".
3. Do what I want
I need to make time for the things that make me myself. I lose myself in expectations and responsibilities. I want to run. I want to read. I want to get dolled up and go out. I want to travel. We make time or the time is taken from us. I need to assess my priorities and take into account what makes me happy.
4. Stop slouching
Ok, so 3 and 4 are less heavy than 1 and 2, and I seem at first to have taken off on a tangent with 4. Aside from its place as a bad habit that needs to be broken, its connection to the theme of my resolutions is more symbolic. And, let's be honest, I feel more confident in symbol and metaphor than direct analysis. I need to stand/sit up straight just as I can't be symbolically slouching through my youth and my life. I settle for less because I am, for whatever strange reason, afraid of 100%. Settling for "pretty good" has been easier than trying for "awesome" and falling short. I refuse to be ruled by fear of failure and live my life that way any longer.
So here's to 2009. Here's "to hot guys and to doing what we want."
I didn't really think much about resolutions until someone asked me last night (this morning), and I realized that I was totally unprepared for the question. If I were to sum it all up into one, I guess would say I resolve to be more selfish in the sense that I need to own my life. I've been toying with resolutions in this area for a couple months now, so I hope it's not cheating to prescribe them to the new year.
1. No more waffling
I do not do well with big decisions. I do not do well with small decisions, for that matter. I need to make a conscious effort to know myself and know what I want. I'm not talking about this as a finite action or in respect to anything in particular. I've found that NOT knowing what I want is something of a pattern for me. I changed my major several times, and with very different goals in mind each time. Even now, I'm not totally confident that where I'm headed is where I want to be, or where I'm headed at all even. Do I want security and comfort or do I want freedom and excitement? Which brings me to 2:
2. Choose freedom and excitement
I am 22 years old, and I need to stop aspiring to standards of middle age. I could rephrase it to "no more settling." I could also rephrase it to "stop being afraid." I waffle because I'm afraid. I doubt my abilities and my decisions much more than I should. The decisions I do make are based more on what is most feasible than what will make me happy. External "should"s rule my decisions more than internal wants. I don't go for a reaction of that excited seizing up in my chest, I settle for the shrug, nod, and "this'll work".
3. Do what I want
I need to make time for the things that make me myself. I lose myself in expectations and responsibilities. I want to run. I want to read. I want to get dolled up and go out. I want to travel. We make time or the time is taken from us. I need to assess my priorities and take into account what makes me happy.
4. Stop slouching
Ok, so 3 and 4 are less heavy than 1 and 2, and I seem at first to have taken off on a tangent with 4. Aside from its place as a bad habit that needs to be broken, its connection to the theme of my resolutions is more symbolic. And, let's be honest, I feel more confident in symbol and metaphor than direct analysis. I need to stand/sit up straight just as I can't be symbolically slouching through my youth and my life. I settle for less because I am, for whatever strange reason, afraid of 100%. Settling for "pretty good" has been easier than trying for "awesome" and falling short. I refuse to be ruled by fear of failure and live my life that way any longer.
So here's to 2009. Here's "to hot guys and to doing what we want."