today i have decided.
i just got home from school. yes, i know it's 2:30. but you didnt have a day like mine. after the discovery of adderall in 2nd pd third period i managed to get my project done in about 20 minutes and put in alot of effort. thank god. im failing that class and i really want to get it up. i dont care about the fact that i dont need it to graduate. then there was lunch, i studied like a crazy lady. when i got to trig i was soo ready or so i thought. sat down and heard the fire drill was canceled. took my test. well let me just say it was a good think i decided on the mechanical pencil rather than the pen. you see, it was nothing but erasing. im pretty sure i did good on the second sheet, the only one i studied for. but the first page.. yikes. i thought i had it down, i didnt. i literally finished my test as the bell rang. decided it would have to do. then.. began the talk. one simple question and i ended up staying after for an 45 minutes after school. sachs helped me to decide what i really knew i needed all along. he assured me that it would be hard, but sometimes you have to put yourself first and there is nothing wrong with that. so i left school an hour later, when im normally not even making it through an entire day.. and i sort of felt relieved? i dont know. it helped. conversation came to an end and i headed out and called anna. she came to get me. i sat outside school and watch the bees and everyone headed in and out of the school in their own directions. it's funny how this life is. we really all are just figuring it out. like, sachs kept saying 'i may be out of my expertise here.. ' or 'im not a doctor or lawyer or anything' but really, no one has more experience at life than any other. everyone has different situations.. and some can be simmilar to others. but we're all living this life the first time around. unless you believe in reincarnation, this is not a walk in the park for anyone. i guess i have to keep that in mind. anyways, im home.. im talking to people that make me smile, im about to smoke a cigarette, i can hear my nephew laughing, life is pretty good after all. -smoke break- <3